Tikhil
Bluelighter
I have always been a member of the "Thoughts while tripping are messages from the subconscious and while they may be somewhat more extreme they are based 100% in reality and cannot be written off" camp but my mind has been blown out of the water by an event that happened two days ago. There may be other placses this should be but I am posting it here because I think the regular posters here are the most likely to relate or take something important from this story.
In 2nd grade a new student arrived at my school, he was my best friend until the end of this summer, when I left for college. We had a bit of a falling out, and as he said during his trip it had been 2 and half years scinse we had REALLY hung out. Scinse we had talked about anything important. That changed on tuesday. My friend and his friend (who i also attended high school with and whose family is close with mine) were driving to montreal to get some nugget, and decided to stop in Btown and take the bus. He told me he was comming up and I did not sleep, I had invited him but i was worried who would arrive, the friend i knew and hoped was returning, or the thug life friend who he had become. He belives in pure ambition, doing what he wants at any cost, but there is so much more inside him, i remember so well.
Upon arriving things went well, he was still obnoxious, but he always was. His friend wanted to take acid, and i told him i could get it. My friend had taken mushrooms and had an unpleasant time but was interested in acid. After we both reassured him he agreed to dose.
First we got some bunk acid, and walked around aimlessly waiting to trip. Never came.
We got doses i knew worked from my friend, each took 1 (i took half cus it was only 2.5 left and my tolerance is high enough that either way it would be more worth it to give them the cid). The cid was from a center strip of a bomb sheet, but I had taken more then 10 at a time before, so i assumed it would be fine.
The come up was wonderful, we explored rock garden and enjoyed the waterfront. My closest friend these days arrived at one point and helped guide the trip, but left as he felt sick. My friend from home remarked that he felt like he knew this kid, i didn't say anything but my friend here is very similar to the way he used to be years ago, when we were very close.
After we were all tired from walking, at about the peak of the trip we went back to my dorm and everything went to hell. He freaked out and started getting very sad and empty. He asked why we let him do it and begged us to stop the trip.
He started saying things that i had thought for years.
He asked his friend why they acted like black people.
He asked why it was no ok to cry.
He agreed that life had become so much harder, and asked why he wasnt in school.
He apologized for the way he acted, and asked why he hung out with the people he did.
His tension seemed to focus on his friend, they are very close now and I will not speculate as to what caused this tension but it was more emotion than my friend permits himself from showing.
We spoke alone at one point, he seemed to calm down without his friend there, It is easy to tell i am not judgmental. I cry openly when I feel pain, I see no reason to bottle it up. I told him that he didn't need to bottle things up and he needed to stop escaping reality with drugs and self fulfillment, we exist in the context of others.
He tried yelling that he does what he wants and that he didn't care what others thing but it seemed like such a lie. He never stoped hurting, never. As he cried these things he noted that things had NEVER in his life been ok, and it was not just the trip that made him realize this. His friend tried to insist he was just intoxicated, I agreed but said that he thoughts may very well be based in reality, and he inherently agreed, his friend did not disagree either as he began to break down and become upset as well. They relied on each other to valide themselves, as they had made the same decisions recently (drop out). The pain focused around a lack of purpuse and actions they had taken to hurt others.
My friend wanted to see his mother, wanted to leave asap and see his mother.
As he sobered up he returned to normal, but he did not dismiss what had happened. He said that while it was HORRIBLE he would do it again. He also said everyone should do LSD at least once to give them some direction. He noted that he needed to find himself, something I have felt scinse the first time I tripped on acid.
This was the first time I had ever seen him cry, and he has been badly hurt many times in our friendship.
In 2nd grade a new student arrived at my school, he was my best friend until the end of this summer, when I left for college. We had a bit of a falling out, and as he said during his trip it had been 2 and half years scinse we had REALLY hung out. Scinse we had talked about anything important. That changed on tuesday. My friend and his friend (who i also attended high school with and whose family is close with mine) were driving to montreal to get some nugget, and decided to stop in Btown and take the bus. He told me he was comming up and I did not sleep, I had invited him but i was worried who would arrive, the friend i knew and hoped was returning, or the thug life friend who he had become. He belives in pure ambition, doing what he wants at any cost, but there is so much more inside him, i remember so well.
Upon arriving things went well, he was still obnoxious, but he always was. His friend wanted to take acid, and i told him i could get it. My friend had taken mushrooms and had an unpleasant time but was interested in acid. After we both reassured him he agreed to dose.
First we got some bunk acid, and walked around aimlessly waiting to trip. Never came.
We got doses i knew worked from my friend, each took 1 (i took half cus it was only 2.5 left and my tolerance is high enough that either way it would be more worth it to give them the cid). The cid was from a center strip of a bomb sheet, but I had taken more then 10 at a time before, so i assumed it would be fine.
The come up was wonderful, we explored rock garden and enjoyed the waterfront. My closest friend these days arrived at one point and helped guide the trip, but left as he felt sick. My friend from home remarked that he felt like he knew this kid, i didn't say anything but my friend here is very similar to the way he used to be years ago, when we were very close.
After we were all tired from walking, at about the peak of the trip we went back to my dorm and everything went to hell. He freaked out and started getting very sad and empty. He asked why we let him do it and begged us to stop the trip.
He started saying things that i had thought for years.
He asked his friend why they acted like black people.
He asked why it was no ok to cry.
He agreed that life had become so much harder, and asked why he wasnt in school.
He apologized for the way he acted, and asked why he hung out with the people he did.
His tension seemed to focus on his friend, they are very close now and I will not speculate as to what caused this tension but it was more emotion than my friend permits himself from showing.
We spoke alone at one point, he seemed to calm down without his friend there, It is easy to tell i am not judgmental. I cry openly when I feel pain, I see no reason to bottle it up. I told him that he didn't need to bottle things up and he needed to stop escaping reality with drugs and self fulfillment, we exist in the context of others.
He tried yelling that he does what he wants and that he didn't care what others thing but it seemed like such a lie. He never stoped hurting, never. As he cried these things he noted that things had NEVER in his life been ok, and it was not just the trip that made him realize this. His friend tried to insist he was just intoxicated, I agreed but said that he thoughts may very well be based in reality, and he inherently agreed, his friend did not disagree either as he began to break down and become upset as well. They relied on each other to valide themselves, as they had made the same decisions recently (drop out). The pain focused around a lack of purpuse and actions they had taken to hurt others.
My friend wanted to see his mother, wanted to leave asap and see his mother.
As he sobered up he returned to normal, but he did not dismiss what had happened. He said that while it was HORRIBLE he would do it again. He also said everyone should do LSD at least once to give them some direction. He noted that he needed to find himself, something I have felt scinse the first time I tripped on acid.
This was the first time I had ever seen him cry, and he has been badly hurt many times in our friendship.
