mr light
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Mar 24, 2006
- Messages
- 92
I've had a lot of experience with LSD; at least 50 times. But never under withdrawal from an opioid. This changed 5 days ago...
Life was going difficult. I made a promise to myself, as I have almost every semester "we gotta quit when the semester is over". It gets worse every semester; my opiate use has been heavy for 5 years with few breaks. Last semester it had been oxycodone IRs sniffing. This semester it was IV heroin and poppy pod tea. Along with the highest tolerance I've ever had.
I got cut off from my dealer on purpose by taking him somewhere and not giving him a ride back like i said I was going to. I knew this would piss him off and would make it easier not to call him. He deserved this.
Then, unfortunately, I got cut off from my girlfriend. I started taking suboxone to ease withdrawal and taper but it didn't stop it. I was irritable and sick; and our one year relationship which has had a lot of fights didn't survive. She broke up with me. It left me with a terribly cold emptiness to go along with the mindfuck of withdrawal.
I take my last 2mg of suboxone (started at 8mg then 6mg 2 days later, then 4mg 3 days later) and wait 6 days. The six days were so miserable and depressing. The worst of it peaked around day 4, and on day 6 i was still suffering but could function better. I realized my life needed a huge perception shift if I were to make it clean because the cravings were hitting me hard. I planned a solo camping trip about a mile into the woods.
I forced myself out of bed that afternoon and went to the store to get some more ensure drinks. I loaded up on some loperamide and headed back. I got together my clothes, fire starting stuff, a folding chair, portable stereo with trance music, large water bottle, tent and a few ensures,and tied it to my ATV. Off I go around 7pm, with my 3 hits of very strong cid I had never tried, but my friend had cut 1 hit into quarter hits and sold them, and people who took a quarter had a good trip.
I set up camp at a small pond. I sat down frequently to rest, as I had no energy. I drank water and kept on setting up. When the camp was set up, I felt accomplishment, a feeling which had been absent while in my opioid haze. "We're clean now" I say out loud. I feel very worn out and in physical pain but relieved somewhat. I build a fire and wait until 9pm to munch the 3 hits, just in case some stray ATV would make it up here to hang out.
As I swallow the hits, anxiety hits me in the gut. I wonder how much my suffering may be amplified, or if it may be partially relieved. I put on some trance quietly and put on a hoodie, despite it being around 70 degrees. Soon my brain starts to boil.
It started as a physical flushing feeling in my body. I had already been getting these flushes before, but the acid created new ones which were extremely intense. These seemed to migrate upwards and into my head. I started to feel intense bubbling feelings in my head. The stimulation was overwhelming. The flushing started to fade somewhat as the mental stimulation rose.
I was in a pile of misery. Everything about my existence was screaming for relief. Death was a positive idea. My joint pain amplified many times. I fell off my chair and curled up in a ball and let out a few disturbed moans. Every little thought was so painful. My now ex-girlfriend, a person I had spent so much time with and I was very connected with, was gone from my life. I kicked a rock into the fire. Fear of insects led me into the tent. I felt some faint comfort despite my mental inferno. I laid on top of my sleeping bag and watched the strange patterns start to dance around. The fire looked amazing visually, and the natural patterns it was throwing off were calming and menacing at the same time. I begin to adjust to the rising stimulation.
Around 10:30 is when the experience entered a new level. I began to lose the concept of who I was, which in a way relieved me from all the distressing anxieties and low self esteem, but also isolated me in a new way. The tent was breathing, expanding and contracting. The dying fire was now red coals. The darkness was scary. I could see red streaks forming in the air like evil spirits. I painfully crawled out of the tent and put some sticks on the fire.
I sat on the chair and inhaled deeply. I felt damaged but very alive. My consciousness was merging with my environment. I was no longer localized into a body, I was also all that I was seeing. I lost all language but was seeing ancient writing forming which I could read. I would read symbols in the dirt and some image or concept would appear to me. They seemed pretty random at first, but I was baffled by it. Red trees, black mucous, and a very high tech looking football popped into my mind. Then, a picture of a darker skinned man, who appeared to be native american wearing feathers on his head and holding in his hand a pole that was just as tall as him which looked like a primitive broom. He was looking right at me, wanting to share some ancient knowledge.
I became convinced this vision was real, and he was communicating to me from the past or from a spirit world, and he was trying to tell me something but I wasn't getting the message. I kept reading the dirt but was still getting random images which I knew weren't from him. Finally a breakthrough. I read what looked like a triangle with 2 dots and a small square in the middle, and got a flash of the same man only this time his arms were outstretched over his head and he had a painful yet intelligent look on his face, almost like he was yelling. I frantically look for more symbols and the next one I found revealed for the first time a moving image of him motioning his hands in front of his mouth, as if gesturing to vomit. It was repeating in a loop.
Not 5 seconds later I am hit with horrible gut pains and cramping. My first thought was I had ruptured something inside, and this intense pain triggered a localization of my consciousness back into my body only. I crawled over to the water and put my hands in. Then came huge waves of brown vomit splashing into the water loudly. I thought I was dying, and I accepted it. I layed down on the ground on my back and looked through the trees at the many stars. "Take me and my pain;" I said to the sky. "Away!!". Then, very suddenly, as if the sky replied, I regained strength and felt amazing. I was cleansed. I had passed the test, I made it through so much suffering. I yelled loudly in joy and ran through the woods. My joints weren't hurting and I felt wonderful. I circled the pond and sat beside the fire.
It was already beginning to become light out when I arrived back by the fire. I checked my phone for the time. It was 5am already. This was shocking. There is a large part of the story missing which I can't seem to find. I am pretty sure the missing 2-3 hours was while I was reading the dirt. I believe I totally lost my ego during some point.
Also shocking was the "missed calls" and "voicemail" display. I checked and saw it was my girlfriend, leaving a message saying she had a bad feeling about me and wondered if I was ok. This was wonderful to hear in my tired, worn out state as the euphoria after my vomiting had faded mostly.
I slept for 3 solid hours after doing some intense introspection concerning my addiction, girlfriend, and lack of social life. I awoke feeling a little rough, but manageable. I knew not to expect relief yet, this kind of thing takes a few weeks.
Overall, this was just what I needed. It was miserable, shocking and difficult, but not without rewards of great introspection, mystical events and relief. I am still clean now, and hope to be for good.
I called and briefly talked to my ex, thanking her for caring and asking what provoked her to call. She explained she just had a feeling that something may be wrong and wondered how I was doing. We sadly agreed to stay apart but acknowledged how much we were still connected.
substancecode_LSD
Life was going difficult. I made a promise to myself, as I have almost every semester "we gotta quit when the semester is over". It gets worse every semester; my opiate use has been heavy for 5 years with few breaks. Last semester it had been oxycodone IRs sniffing. This semester it was IV heroin and poppy pod tea. Along with the highest tolerance I've ever had.
I got cut off from my dealer on purpose by taking him somewhere and not giving him a ride back like i said I was going to. I knew this would piss him off and would make it easier not to call him. He deserved this.
Then, unfortunately, I got cut off from my girlfriend. I started taking suboxone to ease withdrawal and taper but it didn't stop it. I was irritable and sick; and our one year relationship which has had a lot of fights didn't survive. She broke up with me. It left me with a terribly cold emptiness to go along with the mindfuck of withdrawal.
I take my last 2mg of suboxone (started at 8mg then 6mg 2 days later, then 4mg 3 days later) and wait 6 days. The six days were so miserable and depressing. The worst of it peaked around day 4, and on day 6 i was still suffering but could function better. I realized my life needed a huge perception shift if I were to make it clean because the cravings were hitting me hard. I planned a solo camping trip about a mile into the woods.
I forced myself out of bed that afternoon and went to the store to get some more ensure drinks. I loaded up on some loperamide and headed back. I got together my clothes, fire starting stuff, a folding chair, portable stereo with trance music, large water bottle, tent and a few ensures,and tied it to my ATV. Off I go around 7pm, with my 3 hits of very strong cid I had never tried, but my friend had cut 1 hit into quarter hits and sold them, and people who took a quarter had a good trip.
I set up camp at a small pond. I sat down frequently to rest, as I had no energy. I drank water and kept on setting up. When the camp was set up, I felt accomplishment, a feeling which had been absent while in my opioid haze. "We're clean now" I say out loud. I feel very worn out and in physical pain but relieved somewhat. I build a fire and wait until 9pm to munch the 3 hits, just in case some stray ATV would make it up here to hang out.
As I swallow the hits, anxiety hits me in the gut. I wonder how much my suffering may be amplified, or if it may be partially relieved. I put on some trance quietly and put on a hoodie, despite it being around 70 degrees. Soon my brain starts to boil.
It started as a physical flushing feeling in my body. I had already been getting these flushes before, but the acid created new ones which were extremely intense. These seemed to migrate upwards and into my head. I started to feel intense bubbling feelings in my head. The stimulation was overwhelming. The flushing started to fade somewhat as the mental stimulation rose.
I was in a pile of misery. Everything about my existence was screaming for relief. Death was a positive idea. My joint pain amplified many times. I fell off my chair and curled up in a ball and let out a few disturbed moans. Every little thought was so painful. My now ex-girlfriend, a person I had spent so much time with and I was very connected with, was gone from my life. I kicked a rock into the fire. Fear of insects led me into the tent. I felt some faint comfort despite my mental inferno. I laid on top of my sleeping bag and watched the strange patterns start to dance around. The fire looked amazing visually, and the natural patterns it was throwing off were calming and menacing at the same time. I begin to adjust to the rising stimulation.
Around 10:30 is when the experience entered a new level. I began to lose the concept of who I was, which in a way relieved me from all the distressing anxieties and low self esteem, but also isolated me in a new way. The tent was breathing, expanding and contracting. The dying fire was now red coals. The darkness was scary. I could see red streaks forming in the air like evil spirits. I painfully crawled out of the tent and put some sticks on the fire.
I sat on the chair and inhaled deeply. I felt damaged but very alive. My consciousness was merging with my environment. I was no longer localized into a body, I was also all that I was seeing. I lost all language but was seeing ancient writing forming which I could read. I would read symbols in the dirt and some image or concept would appear to me. They seemed pretty random at first, but I was baffled by it. Red trees, black mucous, and a very high tech looking football popped into my mind. Then, a picture of a darker skinned man, who appeared to be native american wearing feathers on his head and holding in his hand a pole that was just as tall as him which looked like a primitive broom. He was looking right at me, wanting to share some ancient knowledge.
I became convinced this vision was real, and he was communicating to me from the past or from a spirit world, and he was trying to tell me something but I wasn't getting the message. I kept reading the dirt but was still getting random images which I knew weren't from him. Finally a breakthrough. I read what looked like a triangle with 2 dots and a small square in the middle, and got a flash of the same man only this time his arms were outstretched over his head and he had a painful yet intelligent look on his face, almost like he was yelling. I frantically look for more symbols and the next one I found revealed for the first time a moving image of him motioning his hands in front of his mouth, as if gesturing to vomit. It was repeating in a loop.
Not 5 seconds later I am hit with horrible gut pains and cramping. My first thought was I had ruptured something inside, and this intense pain triggered a localization of my consciousness back into my body only. I crawled over to the water and put my hands in. Then came huge waves of brown vomit splashing into the water loudly. I thought I was dying, and I accepted it. I layed down on the ground on my back and looked through the trees at the many stars. "Take me and my pain;" I said to the sky. "Away!!". Then, very suddenly, as if the sky replied, I regained strength and felt amazing. I was cleansed. I had passed the test, I made it through so much suffering. I yelled loudly in joy and ran through the woods. My joints weren't hurting and I felt wonderful. I circled the pond and sat beside the fire.
It was already beginning to become light out when I arrived back by the fire. I checked my phone for the time. It was 5am already. This was shocking. There is a large part of the story missing which I can't seem to find. I am pretty sure the missing 2-3 hours was while I was reading the dirt. I believe I totally lost my ego during some point.
Also shocking was the "missed calls" and "voicemail" display. I checked and saw it was my girlfriend, leaving a message saying she had a bad feeling about me and wondered if I was ok. This was wonderful to hear in my tired, worn out state as the euphoria after my vomiting had faded mostly.
I slept for 3 solid hours after doing some intense introspection concerning my addiction, girlfriend, and lack of social life. I awoke feeling a little rough, but manageable. I knew not to expect relief yet, this kind of thing takes a few weeks.
Overall, this was just what I needed. It was miserable, shocking and difficult, but not without rewards of great introspection, mystical events and relief. I am still clean now, and hope to be for good.
I called and briefly talked to my ex, thanking her for caring and asking what provoked her to call. She explained she just had a feeling that something may be wrong and wondered how I was doing. We sadly agreed to stay apart but acknowledged how much we were still connected.
substancecode_LSD
Last edited by a moderator:
