Plague Bearer
Bluelighter
My thoughts on psychedelics (lsd,weed,n20)
I am reporting the following as best as I can recall, it is regarding the events of Tuesday last week and last Sunday. [It is LONG, so feel free to skip to part 2 as its way more important]
------ PART 1 -------------
Well on Monday night I realised I had a whole stack of acid in the freezer and that school was keeping me from tripping as often as I would like to so I decided to drop for school.
Now, I'd like to mention at this point that I've always felt I'd taken drugs for the right reasons and not the wrong ones, admittedly I cannot claim to use suubstances like MDMA for any other purpose than have a fucking good time, however (even with weed) I find the use of psychedelics to be msot beneficial to both understanding my own life and understanding the reality we are imersed in.
So I took 1 hit of some reasonably nice blotter (at around 8.15am) and headed off for school. Given I was planning on attending all my classes and wanted to enjoy the whole day I decided to swallow the acid straight for slower absortion, so as to not trip as hard, but hopefully for longer.
About 1.5 hours later I began to feel the coming on effects, they came on slowly. Skin crawling slighty, not able to keep a smile off my face, and the beginning of the alien feeling. Things started to become a little different, and colours became brighter an more vibrant. This was a double period, around, by about 10.30am I realised I was in for a ride and was beginning to get audial distortions, sounds would come to me as if down a pipe, they would echo as if rippling across water. And while not experiencing any hallucinations, my vision became blurrier, light reflecting off surfaces became more defined, and took on star-like qualities. I had an enhanced sense of perspective and spacial relations, and patters (like brickwork and carpet) became more defined and seemed to stand in 2d off their 3d locations. By 11am I was sitting in the library holding a perfectly normal conversation and wondering how long I could keep it up for, the amazing thing was ther library was full of people and it was like I could hear them all, their voices echoing around the place. I guess my mind must normally filter the background noise out. I kept smiling at inappropriate times, but apart from that it was fine. I noticed patterns becoming even more enhanced, and soon in certain regions of my field of vistion I began to get the usual distortions, as if those areas were being seen through a moving lens of piece of glass, rippling the perspective. Then there was recess, this was simply amazing. I noticed so many things, the relation between different people, as people would move from different groups of people, their reasons for moving, their facial expressions and purpose all became clear to me. All the while the visual perception became more enhanced, I began to see streaks of energy float through the space in front of me, and up & down objects.
Next was english, it was now about 11.30, and sitting in class starring at the patterns on the floor which were sliding slightly and standing right out (once again slightly 2d), I felt as if I were starring a the sky, and a little less aware of my body, while looking slightly down, I felt as if my head were facing directly up, and the tables & chairs in front of me were actually buildings reaching for the sky.
Unfortunately the teacher chose that day to give us a test of sorts, fortunately I'd made some notes, but even copying them directly from one sheet to another became rather difficult. All the while I was sitting next to a friend and holding a (reasonably) normal conversation (he is a user of LSD and did not pick it - I felt if I could act straight in front of him, no one would guess it). As I was writing on the paper I began to see what was the only real hallucination I had for the whole trip, there was a watercolour sort of imprinted into the paper I was writing on, at this time I felt as if I could feel the part of my brain devoted to imagination sort of switch on, even though I knew it was false, I could see the words behind what I was writing. I then looked up and saw the beam of energy run down the spiral which bound my diary. I left class, as we walked to the next one I told my friend I was tripping, he hadn't guessed it at all, as we talked I became disorientated by all the people walking to and fro in the corridors, it became a true effort to negotiate around people. I became a little worried and paranoid because I'd acted straight for so long, but now someone knew. It alright though and so I headed off to drama (at 12.10), thankfully we didn't do any acting or anything cos I COULD NOT have coped. I was already overthinking too much and becoming anxious, I kept thinking that everybody knew I was tripping by the way I was sitting or the way I talked, and someone even made a joke about me starring off into space and what was I on? Fortunately they were only joking, and despite some odd looks (including from the teacher) I think I managed it alright. By lunch (1.00pm), the peak was over and I knew I could handle it all, I went and sat with a friend on a height above the rest of the school and looked down, I was still getting patterns and distortions, but little else, looking out over everybody going about their business I felt very peaceful. I thought the trip was over until I went into class again and the walls were moving ever so slightly. I had a visual of sorts, watching the teacher, his beard sort of seemed as if it weren't there, its odd to explain. I tried to work but the concentration became impossible, the by the end of the following class I was worried that I would never come down because I couldn't concentrate on my work, I relaxed a little and left school for the doctors (unrelated). While talking to the doctor, her face began to change. Going to bed (maybe 10pm) I still had close eyed visuals, dim fractal patterns and colour flashes and warpages flashed on the inside of my eyelids until I fell asleep at maybe 11 or 12. The next day I was tired but full of a definate love of life.
------ PART 2 -------------
Ok, so the following Sunday I'm heading home, thinking its an awesome day and wouldn't it be cool to trip, I look across with this thought in my mind and see a car with the license plate LSD-something. So, I think this is a sign, I ring up a friend and suggest some acid be consumed, he's busy so I drop (same dosage, same acid as before) on my own. I have dropped on my own before and find it quite invaluable in looking at all the problems in your life. However this time I felt it was the wrong thing to do. It was about 2.00 -2.30 pm so I held it under my toung till it dissolved because I wanted to trip harder and by quicker. By 3-3.30 I'm tripping, and feeling uneasy, I was already beginning to critisise aspects of my life and behaviour, and already the nice weather was giving way to storm clouds. So I figure its time to head outside while I can still enjoy the weather. So I load up a bag with my pipe, walkman and some bulbs and head for the local park. When I got there it was full of people walking their dogs, and even though I was feeling ok, I was worried that people would know I was on drugs and think I was a weirdo who would harm their kids or something. I wandered all over the park looking for somewhere to relax, I was dying to sit down and look at the stream and the ducks and the flowers and let it all in (it truly looked beautiful), but I was on my own and tripping (visuals were non-existant except for ripples and the light and patterns I mentioned before).
I sort of moved away from people, but everytime I settled down people would come past, I felt like parents thought I was a threat to their kids or something just becuase I was sitting on my own. I calm down for a bit and stare at the sky, soon I can see writing among the parts where the clouds let the sky through, it was nearing sunset and the sky was purple and pink. My jaw dropped in amazment because it looked like the whole sky was spelling things out, like numbers, like in a kindergarten picture or something, when this happened I felt the same part of my brain switch on, as it had when I saw the watercolour in the test paper). However, the feeling I got was, here is a nasty little kid on drugs, who is spoiling our nice clean park. Anyway I thought fuckit and lay down by a stream and loaded up a balloon with nitrious, people walking past starred at me and I felt like a tiny little undesirable fuck who was ruining their walk. Anyway I take a full balloon and hold it for ages, then let it out, & I'm like 'that didn't do shit', then a few seconds later the world fucking stops. The water from the stream starts looping in my ears and the sky sort of fills with pink, like if you turned up the color on the TV, so it fills the sky completely, and as the nitrious wears off and the looping sound begins to change, and its like the sky colour is restored from the outter edges of the sky, it was like there were too states, infinity, which was the sky filled, and another state when it began to refill with its colour. All the while I fell like I'm experiencing a hint at binary, like one state is 0 the other is 1. Now I sit in stunned silence for what must be at least 30secs-1 minute at this revelation, and the thought which popped into my head that molecules (you know those science diagrams of molecules), that we take, like nitrious etc. kind of run us through their pathways or something. Then figure someone probably would've seen me inhale the balloon so its time to go. I find another spot, load the pipe with some weed, smoke it. Then its time to head for home. On the way I'm tripping like a fuck, the light is becoming dim and I cannot see where the fence ends and the ground begins because it's all moving and really hard to see. I get to a road I have to cross and its scary as all hell, the headlights off the cars are leaving trails 4-5 metres long as they drive past. Then the storm kicks up, I'm near home and as I pass a tree it must've blown in the wind or something, cos from my perspective its like I had a vision of the whole world moving around myself and this tree, rather than the tree moving because of the wind.
When I get home (maybe 515.pm) thankfully no one is there, I'm now tripping madly, hearing my parents come home at least 5 times when there was no one there. So I'm confused as a fuck, wondering around madly getting stuff together (putting my pipe away etc). Anyway I go and sit on the computer so I don't have to look at them when they talk to me. And it is hard let me tell you, the menus are leaving trails across the screen, and the sound of the fan keeps whirring into mad psytrance. Anyway I'm not enjoying myself one bit cos my parents are talking to me and I'm worried as all hell, then my mum wants me to help her book a flight on the internet, I'm shitting myself cos she keeps repeating herself, I'm not catching on what she's talking about cos my mind keeps wondering off on tangents and cannot see things which are right in front of me on the screen. Anyway I pull through that, god knows how, and head off to my room for some more bulbs. I had music on, but have found that VERY quiet music is actually better than loud music for bulbs. So I inhale the ballon then switch it off before I begin to feel it. There is a quiet noise from the television in the next room and once the bulb hits me its like its all slowed down to eternity. I made a real point of contemplating the binary numbers while under the bulb and the first one I feel it a little the next one was possibly the most amazing experience of my life, so I'll try to describe it:
You know how bulbs make you feel a little numb? Well; I felt like the numbness came from your body feeling nothing, then everything then nothing then everything in a very quick repetition, like 0 is death and 1 is life. So first the bulb makes me feel dead, i can't feel or see anything, and think I'm dead, then I start breathing in and out deeply and I feel light someone is switching reality on and off really quickly over & over, the air felt so good in my lungs, I felt like I was having an orgasm, followed, by being dead following by an orgasm & so forth. This all happened really quickly. I didn't feel like I was truly dead or dying, but rather there was nothing, like the 0 in binary. So then as this wears off I can see a bar moving in front of my peripheral vision from 0 to 1, like there is nothing else, life is made up of these 1s and 0s, there will never be anything else, and this voice in my head says "its all I can give you". And I'm seriously sitting there for what must be 5 minutes in pure astonishment, as if I've been shown some inner workings of reality. When it first began to wear off I felt like my mind started up again and could almost visualise the bar which I had seen moving, drop down and start working through loops, like your brain working through problems, and these sort of words entered my mind, kind of saying "ahh go back to what you do best" or something like that. Basically I felt like the whole thing was showing me (by slowing down everything down 10000000000 times over) that our life and experiences are made up of millions of tiny instances or like the 1s and 0s of binary that computers run on.
Anyway, I'm sorry this went for so long, but I felt the final part was simply amazing.
I've always dreamt of using psychedelics to uncover the fabric of life, and will continue to delve. It's simply facinating,
thankyou for reading.
I am reporting the following as best as I can recall, it is regarding the events of Tuesday last week and last Sunday. [It is LONG, so feel free to skip to part 2 as its way more important]
------ PART 1 -------------
Well on Monday night I realised I had a whole stack of acid in the freezer and that school was keeping me from tripping as often as I would like to so I decided to drop for school.
Now, I'd like to mention at this point that I've always felt I'd taken drugs for the right reasons and not the wrong ones, admittedly I cannot claim to use suubstances like MDMA for any other purpose than have a fucking good time, however (even with weed) I find the use of psychedelics to be msot beneficial to both understanding my own life and understanding the reality we are imersed in.
So I took 1 hit of some reasonably nice blotter (at around 8.15am) and headed off for school. Given I was planning on attending all my classes and wanted to enjoy the whole day I decided to swallow the acid straight for slower absortion, so as to not trip as hard, but hopefully for longer.
About 1.5 hours later I began to feel the coming on effects, they came on slowly. Skin crawling slighty, not able to keep a smile off my face, and the beginning of the alien feeling. Things started to become a little different, and colours became brighter an more vibrant. This was a double period, around, by about 10.30am I realised I was in for a ride and was beginning to get audial distortions, sounds would come to me as if down a pipe, they would echo as if rippling across water. And while not experiencing any hallucinations, my vision became blurrier, light reflecting off surfaces became more defined, and took on star-like qualities. I had an enhanced sense of perspective and spacial relations, and patters (like brickwork and carpet) became more defined and seemed to stand in 2d off their 3d locations. By 11am I was sitting in the library holding a perfectly normal conversation and wondering how long I could keep it up for, the amazing thing was ther library was full of people and it was like I could hear them all, their voices echoing around the place. I guess my mind must normally filter the background noise out. I kept smiling at inappropriate times, but apart from that it was fine. I noticed patterns becoming even more enhanced, and soon in certain regions of my field of vistion I began to get the usual distortions, as if those areas were being seen through a moving lens of piece of glass, rippling the perspective. Then there was recess, this was simply amazing. I noticed so many things, the relation between different people, as people would move from different groups of people, their reasons for moving, their facial expressions and purpose all became clear to me. All the while the visual perception became more enhanced, I began to see streaks of energy float through the space in front of me, and up & down objects.
Next was english, it was now about 11.30, and sitting in class starring at the patterns on the floor which were sliding slightly and standing right out (once again slightly 2d), I felt as if I were starring a the sky, and a little less aware of my body, while looking slightly down, I felt as if my head were facing directly up, and the tables & chairs in front of me were actually buildings reaching for the sky.
Unfortunately the teacher chose that day to give us a test of sorts, fortunately I'd made some notes, but even copying them directly from one sheet to another became rather difficult. All the while I was sitting next to a friend and holding a (reasonably) normal conversation (he is a user of LSD and did not pick it - I felt if I could act straight in front of him, no one would guess it). As I was writing on the paper I began to see what was the only real hallucination I had for the whole trip, there was a watercolour sort of imprinted into the paper I was writing on, at this time I felt as if I could feel the part of my brain devoted to imagination sort of switch on, even though I knew it was false, I could see the words behind what I was writing. I then looked up and saw the beam of energy run down the spiral which bound my diary. I left class, as we walked to the next one I told my friend I was tripping, he hadn't guessed it at all, as we talked I became disorientated by all the people walking to and fro in the corridors, it became a true effort to negotiate around people. I became a little worried and paranoid because I'd acted straight for so long, but now someone knew. It alright though and so I headed off to drama (at 12.10), thankfully we didn't do any acting or anything cos I COULD NOT have coped. I was already overthinking too much and becoming anxious, I kept thinking that everybody knew I was tripping by the way I was sitting or the way I talked, and someone even made a joke about me starring off into space and what was I on? Fortunately they were only joking, and despite some odd looks (including from the teacher) I think I managed it alright. By lunch (1.00pm), the peak was over and I knew I could handle it all, I went and sat with a friend on a height above the rest of the school and looked down, I was still getting patterns and distortions, but little else, looking out over everybody going about their business I felt very peaceful. I thought the trip was over until I went into class again and the walls were moving ever so slightly. I had a visual of sorts, watching the teacher, his beard sort of seemed as if it weren't there, its odd to explain. I tried to work but the concentration became impossible, the by the end of the following class I was worried that I would never come down because I couldn't concentrate on my work, I relaxed a little and left school for the doctors (unrelated). While talking to the doctor, her face began to change. Going to bed (maybe 10pm) I still had close eyed visuals, dim fractal patterns and colour flashes and warpages flashed on the inside of my eyelids until I fell asleep at maybe 11 or 12. The next day I was tired but full of a definate love of life.
------ PART 2 -------------
Ok, so the following Sunday I'm heading home, thinking its an awesome day and wouldn't it be cool to trip, I look across with this thought in my mind and see a car with the license plate LSD-something. So, I think this is a sign, I ring up a friend and suggest some acid be consumed, he's busy so I drop (same dosage, same acid as before) on my own. I have dropped on my own before and find it quite invaluable in looking at all the problems in your life. However this time I felt it was the wrong thing to do. It was about 2.00 -2.30 pm so I held it under my toung till it dissolved because I wanted to trip harder and by quicker. By 3-3.30 I'm tripping, and feeling uneasy, I was already beginning to critisise aspects of my life and behaviour, and already the nice weather was giving way to storm clouds. So I figure its time to head outside while I can still enjoy the weather. So I load up a bag with my pipe, walkman and some bulbs and head for the local park. When I got there it was full of people walking their dogs, and even though I was feeling ok, I was worried that people would know I was on drugs and think I was a weirdo who would harm their kids or something. I wandered all over the park looking for somewhere to relax, I was dying to sit down and look at the stream and the ducks and the flowers and let it all in (it truly looked beautiful), but I was on my own and tripping (visuals were non-existant except for ripples and the light and patterns I mentioned before).
I sort of moved away from people, but everytime I settled down people would come past, I felt like parents thought I was a threat to their kids or something just becuase I was sitting on my own. I calm down for a bit and stare at the sky, soon I can see writing among the parts where the clouds let the sky through, it was nearing sunset and the sky was purple and pink. My jaw dropped in amazment because it looked like the whole sky was spelling things out, like numbers, like in a kindergarten picture or something, when this happened I felt the same part of my brain switch on, as it had when I saw the watercolour in the test paper). However, the feeling I got was, here is a nasty little kid on drugs, who is spoiling our nice clean park. Anyway I thought fuckit and lay down by a stream and loaded up a balloon with nitrious, people walking past starred at me and I felt like a tiny little undesirable fuck who was ruining their walk. Anyway I take a full balloon and hold it for ages, then let it out, & I'm like 'that didn't do shit', then a few seconds later the world fucking stops. The water from the stream starts looping in my ears and the sky sort of fills with pink, like if you turned up the color on the TV, so it fills the sky completely, and as the nitrious wears off and the looping sound begins to change, and its like the sky colour is restored from the outter edges of the sky, it was like there were too states, infinity, which was the sky filled, and another state when it began to refill with its colour. All the while I fell like I'm experiencing a hint at binary, like one state is 0 the other is 1. Now I sit in stunned silence for what must be at least 30secs-1 minute at this revelation, and the thought which popped into my head that molecules (you know those science diagrams of molecules), that we take, like nitrious etc. kind of run us through their pathways or something. Then figure someone probably would've seen me inhale the balloon so its time to go. I find another spot, load the pipe with some weed, smoke it. Then its time to head for home. On the way I'm tripping like a fuck, the light is becoming dim and I cannot see where the fence ends and the ground begins because it's all moving and really hard to see. I get to a road I have to cross and its scary as all hell, the headlights off the cars are leaving trails 4-5 metres long as they drive past. Then the storm kicks up, I'm near home and as I pass a tree it must've blown in the wind or something, cos from my perspective its like I had a vision of the whole world moving around myself and this tree, rather than the tree moving because of the wind.
When I get home (maybe 515.pm) thankfully no one is there, I'm now tripping madly, hearing my parents come home at least 5 times when there was no one there. So I'm confused as a fuck, wondering around madly getting stuff together (putting my pipe away etc). Anyway I go and sit on the computer so I don't have to look at them when they talk to me. And it is hard let me tell you, the menus are leaving trails across the screen, and the sound of the fan keeps whirring into mad psytrance. Anyway I'm not enjoying myself one bit cos my parents are talking to me and I'm worried as all hell, then my mum wants me to help her book a flight on the internet, I'm shitting myself cos she keeps repeating herself, I'm not catching on what she's talking about cos my mind keeps wondering off on tangents and cannot see things which are right in front of me on the screen. Anyway I pull through that, god knows how, and head off to my room for some more bulbs. I had music on, but have found that VERY quiet music is actually better than loud music for bulbs. So I inhale the ballon then switch it off before I begin to feel it. There is a quiet noise from the television in the next room and once the bulb hits me its like its all slowed down to eternity. I made a real point of contemplating the binary numbers while under the bulb and the first one I feel it a little the next one was possibly the most amazing experience of my life, so I'll try to describe it:
You know how bulbs make you feel a little numb? Well; I felt like the numbness came from your body feeling nothing, then everything then nothing then everything in a very quick repetition, like 0 is death and 1 is life. So first the bulb makes me feel dead, i can't feel or see anything, and think I'm dead, then I start breathing in and out deeply and I feel light someone is switching reality on and off really quickly over & over, the air felt so good in my lungs, I felt like I was having an orgasm, followed, by being dead following by an orgasm & so forth. This all happened really quickly. I didn't feel like I was truly dead or dying, but rather there was nothing, like the 0 in binary. So then as this wears off I can see a bar moving in front of my peripheral vision from 0 to 1, like there is nothing else, life is made up of these 1s and 0s, there will never be anything else, and this voice in my head says "its all I can give you". And I'm seriously sitting there for what must be 5 minutes in pure astonishment, as if I've been shown some inner workings of reality. When it first began to wear off I felt like my mind started up again and could almost visualise the bar which I had seen moving, drop down and start working through loops, like your brain working through problems, and these sort of words entered my mind, kind of saying "ahh go back to what you do best" or something like that. Basically I felt like the whole thing was showing me (by slowing down everything down 10000000000 times over) that our life and experiences are made up of millions of tiny instances or like the 1s and 0s of binary that computers run on.
Anyway, I'm sorry this went for so long, but I felt the final part was simply amazing.
I've always dreamt of using psychedelics to uncover the fabric of life, and will continue to delve. It's simply facinating,
thankyou for reading.
