lemon
Bluelighter
Two tabs of acid - bad mind state- gut wrenching-shouldn't i have known better?
I was visiting my sister at school. We got in a huge fight, and I left. I went to my boyfriend's house. I knew he wanted to chill out, and he was looking forward to spending a night apart. This should have been warning signs of a BAD TRIP, but yet, I was determined to take advantage of this opportunity, cause cid doesn't come around every day.
I went straight to his apartment after the fight and my best friend was with me. He was having his friend from elementary school over and she brought six hits.
Perfect, I thought. Since my best friend doesn't trip, I took two he took two, and his friend took two. Mind you, we are on the verge of breaking up. He knows it, I know it, but I choose to ignore this fact.
We dropped and everything was cool.We're laughing and being crazy. Minutes later I feel out of the trippin loop. It started when I said something, I can't remember what and his fat friend looks at me and says (so matter-of-factly too) "but you're one of the beautiful people. Paaaaauuuuussee (intense look from fat girl)... So it doesn't really matter, does it?" And my trip went completely sour when my boyfriend laughed. I took it straight to heart being in such a fragile state.
That's when my mind started to wander to bad places. At the time I knew I could never fulfill my boyfriend's emotional needs, and I was too shallow, too dumb, to compete with this girl. She's on the same level with him, and I'm not.
My non-trippin friend was watching TV, oblivious to everything going on. That night I thought about every insecutity I have. And I knew they could sense how insecure I was feeling We took a drive, nothing helped. My boyfriend didn't speak two words to me except when he was showing me a picture and pointing out how cool the visuals were. And it might have been me, but he was talking to me like I was a three year old.
Later that night we had sex, and I was still tripping. After we were done I tried to do something sexy and I looked at him while I was doing it. The look I gave him must have shown A. I felt the opposite of sexy. and B. I am humiliated, I think I'm gross,I have major self-esteem issues, and I can't handle my drugs. He goes "oh honey". He was embarrassed for me. He told me to smile and it was physically impossible.
Finally we communicated through a look that our relationship was over.I have never had such an awkward and depressing trip.
[Edit: Original title was "2 two blotters- bad mind state- gut wrenching-shouldn't i have known better?" and I fixed it a little for clarity! -C22]
[ 01 April 2002: Message edited by: Catch-22 ]
I was visiting my sister at school. We got in a huge fight, and I left. I went to my boyfriend's house. I knew he wanted to chill out, and he was looking forward to spending a night apart. This should have been warning signs of a BAD TRIP, but yet, I was determined to take advantage of this opportunity, cause cid doesn't come around every day.
I went straight to his apartment after the fight and my best friend was with me. He was having his friend from elementary school over and she brought six hits.
Perfect, I thought. Since my best friend doesn't trip, I took two he took two, and his friend took two. Mind you, we are on the verge of breaking up. He knows it, I know it, but I choose to ignore this fact.
We dropped and everything was cool.We're laughing and being crazy. Minutes later I feel out of the trippin loop. It started when I said something, I can't remember what and his fat friend looks at me and says (so matter-of-factly too) "but you're one of the beautiful people. Paaaaauuuuussee (intense look from fat girl)... So it doesn't really matter, does it?" And my trip went completely sour when my boyfriend laughed. I took it straight to heart being in such a fragile state.
That's when my mind started to wander to bad places. At the time I knew I could never fulfill my boyfriend's emotional needs, and I was too shallow, too dumb, to compete with this girl. She's on the same level with him, and I'm not.
My non-trippin friend was watching TV, oblivious to everything going on. That night I thought about every insecutity I have. And I knew they could sense how insecure I was feeling We took a drive, nothing helped. My boyfriend didn't speak two words to me except when he was showing me a picture and pointing out how cool the visuals were. And it might have been me, but he was talking to me like I was a three year old.
Later that night we had sex, and I was still tripping. After we were done I tried to do something sexy and I looked at him while I was doing it. The look I gave him must have shown A. I felt the opposite of sexy. and B. I am humiliated, I think I'm gross,I have major self-esteem issues, and I can't handle my drugs. He goes "oh honey". He was embarrassed for me. He told me to smile and it was physically impossible.
Finally we communicated through a look that our relationship was over.I have never had such an awkward and depressing trip.
[Edit: Original title was "2 two blotters- bad mind state- gut wrenching-shouldn't i have known better?" and I fixed it a little for clarity! -C22]
[ 01 April 2002: Message edited by: Catch-22 ]
