What_not_alessa
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Feb 27, 2018
- Messages
- 3
This is my first post, I have always read bluelight forums for years and they have been a wealth of information. I had some questions. I hope I have followed all the guidelines.
My friend and I were hanging out this weekend. He wanted to try some acid. Now, I’m a fairly experienced user. never had a bad trip, worst it has ever gotten is emotionally overwhelming and I have worked through the various emotions, always coming out of the trip feeling intact and positive.
By nature I am pretty manic when not on meds (tcas tecas); risky high energy behaviour, benders and so forth. I don’t drink anymore because it makes me violent and unpredictable. I cant smoke weed because although the next day after effects are nice and relaxing, the actual experience is always chaotic and near psychosis.
I cannot take many ssris or antipsychotics as the calming effect induces mania and akithisia from the ones I have tried. I had a dna swab done to find out how I metabolize medication and something about lacking an enzyme makes me extremely susceptible to unpleasant side effects.
So long story short when I was in my early to mid 20s I fought my mind and pulled through. Because of how easily it is for me to go from fine to off the deep end with both legal and non prescription drugs I avoid anything that has not worked out for me in the past. Lsd and coke are my choices.
I stay away from drugs that induce instant calm as I struggle with that unfamiliar state of mind. I have had a extremely violent childhood and a bit of chaos is my comfortable place. When I discovered lsd it made me feel very normal and happy. I worried less for days and weeks after. Coke makes me feel happy and sad and human and jolts out of the even mood/apathy tcas and tecas put me in.
Anyway, my friend is an introverted guy, even tempered, a straight shooter, never smoked or gotten drunk. zero experimantation. He is a great guy, suffers from some social anxiety but has no history of depression/psych episodes. He is the most well adjusted person I know. I have mentioned plenty of tines how great LSD is.
So he comes by to see me around midnight, its been a few months. I had been avoiding him as I have been doing coke lately and wanted to be left alone. Mostly I had never been high around him and I wasnt sure if I want him to see me high.
Anyway he comes over, I’m euphoric from the coke. I do most of the talking and he doesn’t say much.
At around 1am he decides to drop a tab. I had put off his newbie experience for many months so he could do some research on acid. However, he throws caution to the wind. I’m assuming part of why he chose to get high all of a sudden was because i was so high myself - my last batch of coke put me in a fantastic mood. No restlessness, no grinding, no obsessing, just alert and laugh out loud happy.
Because I was coked up I forgot to ask all the necessary questions, so part of what happened next is on me.
My friend had mentioned he hadnt been sleeping well that week but I was too exhilirated to dig deeper. I brushed it off as a few restless nights, he’s in a good state of mind. whatever. He looks nice and fresh and I’m happy to see him. I doubt he would tell me even if he was going through something psychological.
He picks the music and we both settle in to relax. 30mins later, he says he is not feeling it. He is a bit nervous. An hour in, he says he is feeling it. He is now a bit more nervous, says his leg is cramping a bit . I forgot to have him hydrate, give him a bottle, and another half 15 mins later, massage the kink out of his leg. cramp goes away.keep it quiet. good music. He says he is feeling it. He is having body spasms, a big hard erection but he says he feels like his body is shaking. A few minutes later he is not talking. pupils big as saucers of course. I ask how he is feeling. visuals. talk to me. he is half out of it, agitated, says he feels like he is seizing. spasming like crazy. I stop doing coke at this point and dim the lights. He says he is shaking. nope youre not shaking, your senses are just super alert, its like an orgasm in your mind. come here, youre ok. He says he feels like he seizing. His legs jerk a little when I touch him but that’s acid right. I check his bp. bp slightly elevated. temp normal, can follow my finger ok. drink water. He gets increasingly restless, does not fully recognise the apartment, or reality. I put him to bed. I talk evenly about lsd on the brain and he will be ok. He can’t seem to follow any other topic without getting agitated.
As long as Im talking he seems to stay OK.
So the next 3-4hrs are just chaos, He is aggressive, cant sit still, takes off his clothes, throws himself around the bed, floor, grabs me, incoherent. goes from lying completely still to writhing. at one point he is almost psychotic, dissociative like. wide eyed scared. doesnt know where he is. He is also very tired and sleepy along with the agitation.
I go through all possible scenarios in my head. none look good. I notice he is not completely out of it when I talk to him, sing to him. he drifts off like going to sleep but that scares the hell out of me. who sleeps on acid? I keep him awake. walk the garden outside. he can barely walk. keeps saying the same stuff over and over. I am exhausted and coming down. sitting out in the garden makes him a bit better but its freezing so we have to stay inside.
I think I will call ems if I have to, that is a scary thought. His bp is in normal range now below 120/90. temp is normal. He has episodes where he gets super aggressive then immediately apologetic every time he touches me. He says he wants me to know he is an alpha male. well. at the very worst point I am not 100% sure whether or not he wouldnt sexually assault me. He is not particularly large but I weigh 100lbs. I think I dont know if I could even hold it against him if he did.
I take control of the situation, turn sexual affection into like babying him. Its hard because his mind seems set on sex.
I give him lots of water. He follows me all over the apt. like a baby really. Naked, agitated, asking the same questions over and over. I run him a cool shower - i dont leave him for a minute and I look up what to do to cut this trip in half. bluelight says give benzos, I give him .25 xanax, tell him this is gonna take some of it away. in 45-1hr I will give him another half. about 40 minutes later he is still aggressive and agitated but he recognises reality. more water. 20mins later another .25 xanny. When he starts to freak out a bit - he is shaking and this scares him- I become stern with him for one brief conversation, dont fight it, just let it, youre not losing control. I’m here. he is now speaking more and coherent but hes also very sleepy. 30 minutes after the second half xanax he completely comes back to normal. He is tired. 5hours since dropping the tab. Its almost morning but hes not hungry. I take him to a place anyway and hand feed him breakfast. He says he feels like himself now.
back home. I cant sleep. stay up for hours watching him sleep checking his breathing. I finally take a sedative and knock out at 7pm.
Later, he tells me the whole experience was like inception, dream within a dream and my voice kept him calm. He doesn’t remember a lot of it.
So my questions, the way the one tab got him is that because he got anxiety or panicked? why didnt he get that good feeling of peace or just relax? lack of sleep beforehand? why no visuals? Why the derealization? Did it bring up some kind of underlying psychosis? The reason I’m asking is because I’m the craziest person I know and LSD is the safest drug I have ever tried.
he is the sweetest person and he became the exact opposite. did feeling out of control make him lose control? did I cut up the tab wrong? Did I somehow negatively affect his trip by my presence?
On the upside because of this experience he talked to me a lot more openly than he ever has.I realized that he is silently frustrated about our relationship and being in the friendzone. He is angrier and less in control than he seems about stuff and hes more awesome because of it (to me).
My friend and I were hanging out this weekend. He wanted to try some acid. Now, I’m a fairly experienced user. never had a bad trip, worst it has ever gotten is emotionally overwhelming and I have worked through the various emotions, always coming out of the trip feeling intact and positive.
By nature I am pretty manic when not on meds (tcas tecas); risky high energy behaviour, benders and so forth. I don’t drink anymore because it makes me violent and unpredictable. I cant smoke weed because although the next day after effects are nice and relaxing, the actual experience is always chaotic and near psychosis.
I cannot take many ssris or antipsychotics as the calming effect induces mania and akithisia from the ones I have tried. I had a dna swab done to find out how I metabolize medication and something about lacking an enzyme makes me extremely susceptible to unpleasant side effects.
So long story short when I was in my early to mid 20s I fought my mind and pulled through. Because of how easily it is for me to go from fine to off the deep end with both legal and non prescription drugs I avoid anything that has not worked out for me in the past. Lsd and coke are my choices.
I stay away from drugs that induce instant calm as I struggle with that unfamiliar state of mind. I have had a extremely violent childhood and a bit of chaos is my comfortable place. When I discovered lsd it made me feel very normal and happy. I worried less for days and weeks after. Coke makes me feel happy and sad and human and jolts out of the even mood/apathy tcas and tecas put me in.
Anyway, my friend is an introverted guy, even tempered, a straight shooter, never smoked or gotten drunk. zero experimantation. He is a great guy, suffers from some social anxiety but has no history of depression/psych episodes. He is the most well adjusted person I know. I have mentioned plenty of tines how great LSD is.
So he comes by to see me around midnight, its been a few months. I had been avoiding him as I have been doing coke lately and wanted to be left alone. Mostly I had never been high around him and I wasnt sure if I want him to see me high.
Anyway he comes over, I’m euphoric from the coke. I do most of the talking and he doesn’t say much.
At around 1am he decides to drop a tab. I had put off his newbie experience for many months so he could do some research on acid. However, he throws caution to the wind. I’m assuming part of why he chose to get high all of a sudden was because i was so high myself - my last batch of coke put me in a fantastic mood. No restlessness, no grinding, no obsessing, just alert and laugh out loud happy.
Because I was coked up I forgot to ask all the necessary questions, so part of what happened next is on me.
My friend had mentioned he hadnt been sleeping well that week but I was too exhilirated to dig deeper. I brushed it off as a few restless nights, he’s in a good state of mind. whatever. He looks nice and fresh and I’m happy to see him. I doubt he would tell me even if he was going through something psychological.
He picks the music and we both settle in to relax. 30mins later, he says he is not feeling it. He is a bit nervous. An hour in, he says he is feeling it. He is now a bit more nervous, says his leg is cramping a bit . I forgot to have him hydrate, give him a bottle, and another half 15 mins later, massage the kink out of his leg. cramp goes away.keep it quiet. good music. He says he is feeling it. He is having body spasms, a big hard erection but he says he feels like his body is shaking. A few minutes later he is not talking. pupils big as saucers of course. I ask how he is feeling. visuals. talk to me. he is half out of it, agitated, says he feels like he is seizing. spasming like crazy. I stop doing coke at this point and dim the lights. He says he is shaking. nope youre not shaking, your senses are just super alert, its like an orgasm in your mind. come here, youre ok. He says he feels like he seizing. His legs jerk a little when I touch him but that’s acid right. I check his bp. bp slightly elevated. temp normal, can follow my finger ok. drink water. He gets increasingly restless, does not fully recognise the apartment, or reality. I put him to bed. I talk evenly about lsd on the brain and he will be ok. He can’t seem to follow any other topic without getting agitated.
As long as Im talking he seems to stay OK.
So the next 3-4hrs are just chaos, He is aggressive, cant sit still, takes off his clothes, throws himself around the bed, floor, grabs me, incoherent. goes from lying completely still to writhing. at one point he is almost psychotic, dissociative like. wide eyed scared. doesnt know where he is. He is also very tired and sleepy along with the agitation.
I go through all possible scenarios in my head. none look good. I notice he is not completely out of it when I talk to him, sing to him. he drifts off like going to sleep but that scares the hell out of me. who sleeps on acid? I keep him awake. walk the garden outside. he can barely walk. keeps saying the same stuff over and over. I am exhausted and coming down. sitting out in the garden makes him a bit better but its freezing so we have to stay inside.
I think I will call ems if I have to, that is a scary thought. His bp is in normal range now below 120/90. temp is normal. He has episodes where he gets super aggressive then immediately apologetic every time he touches me. He says he wants me to know he is an alpha male. well. at the very worst point I am not 100% sure whether or not he wouldnt sexually assault me. He is not particularly large but I weigh 100lbs. I think I dont know if I could even hold it against him if he did.
I take control of the situation, turn sexual affection into like babying him. Its hard because his mind seems set on sex.
I give him lots of water. He follows me all over the apt. like a baby really. Naked, agitated, asking the same questions over and over. I run him a cool shower - i dont leave him for a minute and I look up what to do to cut this trip in half. bluelight says give benzos, I give him .25 xanax, tell him this is gonna take some of it away. in 45-1hr I will give him another half. about 40 minutes later he is still aggressive and agitated but he recognises reality. more water. 20mins later another .25 xanny. When he starts to freak out a bit - he is shaking and this scares him- I become stern with him for one brief conversation, dont fight it, just let it, youre not losing control. I’m here. he is now speaking more and coherent but hes also very sleepy. 30 minutes after the second half xanax he completely comes back to normal. He is tired. 5hours since dropping the tab. Its almost morning but hes not hungry. I take him to a place anyway and hand feed him breakfast. He says he feels like himself now.
back home. I cant sleep. stay up for hours watching him sleep checking his breathing. I finally take a sedative and knock out at 7pm.
Later, he tells me the whole experience was like inception, dream within a dream and my voice kept him calm. He doesn’t remember a lot of it.
So my questions, the way the one tab got him is that because he got anxiety or panicked? why didnt he get that good feeling of peace or just relax? lack of sleep beforehand? why no visuals? Why the derealization? Did it bring up some kind of underlying psychosis? The reason I’m asking is because I’m the craziest person I know and LSD is the safest drug I have ever tried.
he is the sweetest person and he became the exact opposite. did feeling out of control make him lose control? did I cut up the tab wrong? Did I somehow negatively affect his trip by my presence?
On the upside because of this experience he talked to me a lot more openly than he ever has.I realized that he is silently frustrated about our relationship and being in the friendzone. He is angrier and less in control than he seems about stuff and hes more awesome because of it (to me).
Last edited:
