Cosmic Vapor
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Jul 22, 2015
- Messages
- 9
Firstly and above all !!...wow...!!
This is my 4th time tripping on LSD.
Normally I don't post on experiences that much but I would be a lunatic if I didn't shared this one so here it is.
Setting: At home on my own.
I took 3 blotters. I'm not sure exactly how much each blotter contained but someone told me it's 150mics per blotter.
Could be 150mics, or anything as low as 100mics, I really don't know.
Let's say anwyhere from 300 to 450 mics in total.
I never dosed this high on previous attempts. The last time I did LSD prior to this one I took around 2x125mics (dealers dosage numbers)
Lets say my last time was 200-250mics. I really don't have a large database of previous LSD attempts to compare with so I'd advice you to give the dosage numbers a real -/+ nerve to it in whichever direction you want based on the trip report itself.
Some aspects of the trip, especially EGO death, are tried to be properly explained, and I found it funny to make a attempt to put it into words. But the best explanation is that there is no way to explain it. While I don't just simply advice anybody to go there, experiencing it only gets you to the answer.
The trip
For me it began as a rather normal sunday morning. I took some time to prepare my setting was in order. Having plenty of water, cigs, drinks available. Some good comedy, plenty of music.
The trip itself was indoor (the 1st 3-4 hours peak) that is! and I also lasted in the backgarden after that for quite some time.
I bought the LSD from a close friend of mine a while back. Spending all my wallets paper money that day on a total of 3 blotters for somewhere in the future.
I initially wanted to take 2 blotters. 2 blotters might have been a dose just higher then previous experience, maybe 2.5...
Some voice and possibly a very unwise voice one could argue insisted on taking all 3 that day. There was no sitter, but a very good set I find and a nicely orchestrated setting arround. I know myself, and others know myself as a very stable minded person. I felt I must do it!
I put all 3 papers at once on my tongue and held them there for twenty minutes after I began chewing and swallowing them. No taste whatsoever, and what little taste there might have been should be well spread since each paper was 1x1cm sized.
By this time (30minutes in) I started to feel the slight changes in vision and perception. Swirling letters, dancing wallpapers and the carpets end that can't choose to lay still or simply wasn't a real carpet after all
After having some good laughs about the carpet and the comedy in between I noticed a increase in perception, fractal patterning and Bright OEV Kaleidoscopes started encompassing my vision. Some seemed to emerge from objects, some out of nowhere. I would say at this point it was about 1 hour ago since I ingested the blotters and half an hour after feeling it's first effects.
I decided to play some Psytrance music. I starred outside to the morning clouds that were dancing there. Everytime I moved my vision the clouds kept reportraying to their original position back and forth (to the tune of the music most possibly)
For another 10minutes it seems I was taking it in quite comfortably for someone who might possibly dropped 450mics down his throat,
Then all of a sudden something perferated into my mind and soul and I litteraly lost my mind.
It began while I was listening to the psytrance on low volume. It was now that the LSD began to not just altering my vision and other areas of perception but my thought aswell. And when it did, it did hard. I was sucked into a loop of thoughts that made much sense, but also did not make quite much sense at the same time either (hard to explain trippy states)
Then all of a sudden I felt heroic! I was heroically criss-crossing my mind about all the thoughts that kept swaying in my mind, to be in awe of the mind and the fact that we can think and determine on our own. I felt so great for holding a thought in my mind as if it was normal to be amazed by being able to think in the first place.
Ye, I was real happy and trippy being able to hold a Thought in my mind. It made me feel really BINGO
Unwilling to my own mind this extremely simple thought began to zip around me as the only existing thought in the entire universe and within several seconds the thought spiralled out of control.
This thought looping is not the controlled thought state I was used with on LSD doses of 200-250mics. It's not the kind of control but complete lack of control where one could say,
“OH, I'm going deep now, let's switch the music.”
Maybe some trained psychonauts can pitch their mind at this dose but I had no control over this other world I seemed to balance in and out from. NO CONTROL!
As I can remember from this moment on my vision got engulfed in light and I tried to make the thought loop from stopping.
The thought loop steadily weakened and after a while it stopped, I thought great.................
..............
Im not sure how to explain it in normal english but. I didn't think!
All thoughts stopped, and not a mere signal that hinted me to create a thought. Or being able to comprehend a definition of thought. It was like there was no mind to speak of. I was simply brainfried...Mindcracked... Dead!
I soon realized anything was void from thoughts, I felt complete disconnection from my body at this point. I felt my vision dancing enormously up and down with me centered. But I wasn't there. It was like someone or something has switched my system off and I was simply observing a soulless body (that of my own) with my mind as if it were not in my own mind. Or better said, there was no me anymore observing myself. Even although the remaining vision of reality seemed to be focused down on me.
The whole definition of "mind" was being shattered in and out of every context imagineable.
Then finally after wishing I would be done with it all I just zipped. I didn't exist anymore. Whatever form of perception I had or what and where I was... I dont know. But I wandered through nothingness. There was no feeling juist void and that cellestial object that engulfed the vision on a vague background of the room which kept swaying in and out until I grasped the object and realized "I can think"
I was there again and I felt there again and I was Terrified. Which reminded me that I was been away from it all, oh yeah I was dead. I was completely amazed but mostly terrified. More terrifying feelings started to creep in when I discovered I still could barely think. Even although now I regained from holding onto thoughts, I still basically kinda lost my Mind.
And it felt litteraly as if my minds harddisk was erased and being reconstructed bit by bit. I thought to myself, OH NO!. How am I going to explain this to everybody, that I have no mind, that ive irreversably damaged my mind and that I would be a crazy therapeutic patient for the rest of my life.
By this time I realized,
WOW I'm still able to think at all! Then I felt like I needed to be taken care off. I thought to myself,
"CALM DOWN, CALM DOWN! I kept telling myself, fine fine, even if you have become crazy, just imagine that it might just be temporarily induced by THE LSD and postpone to phoning your girlfiend or parents for a couple more hours."
I'm happy my mind could still make correct decisions and I began to realize that maybe I really didn't lose it all.
I started a intense battle to grasp thoughts and hold onto them, but as I grasped each thought the thought grasped previously started looping while strugglin to hold onto another.
I couldn't make any out of it.
This time I felt being there and I felt like I was alive but every data that I tried to comprehend either fell away or faded away. There was little thought, and no order in it. It's like the brain blender was turned on and my neurotransmitters where all being shutdown systematically.
I couldn't handle it anymore and I decided to give up and again. I lost all meaning of self. I felt like there was the Universe, but not a trace of myself left and I had to wander space for eternity without a host and after who knows how many moments it seems my mind got released and I sat in my seat completely amazed about the things that happened. I began to realize how wonderfull it is that we have a mind, and that without a mind there is no indentity. And with the mind we humans can do and contemplate anything.
I was amazed by the experience, but I really hoped at this moment that I would not go this far down the hole for a third time. Luckily my mind started regaining control. Or basically I felt amazed I might not be a zombie patient and just feeling there a little alive really comforted me.
3 hours and 30 minutes in: For another half an hour my mind or better said my "sober" database of logic started to steadily re-emerge and for the first time in the trip I felt sober enough to even contemplate moving my body around the place. I felt incredibly alive all at once.
I went to the bathroom to take a * bleep *
When I stood up I looked in the mirror. I was shocked, my head seemed to be swaying 20-30 centimeters above my torso, my neck was stretched and it seemed like the flesh of my neck formed hands portraying my head being lifted from my body. I thought to myself, that's the most ironic sight I have ever seen for someone who had just lost his mind.
I was sitting outside in the backgarden and I was still fullout hallucinating. But the world outside seemed so wonderfull at that time. It felt like my mind or soul was refused with my body and wanted to let me know it loved me and the world it lives in.
I learned that day!
Everything felt like it had meaning and I realized that the mind or soul combination is fused in order to give meaning a logic edge to everything perceived. I realized that in the realms outside our own there is place for spirits (define what that is on your own spirituality) but that anything bodyless is egoless in this place. And that everything with a state of awareness in the living world is egofull and has a body.
This made me realize something. It is a realization that kinda goes face to face with some truth seekers. And maybe I'm the one that after 1 ego death experience just fails to see the real truth. But I'm pretty sure I understand some thing now.
To many spiritual people are obsessed with achieving a egoless life. I heard these people and I think they talk crap. But excuse me if I'm wrong, try anyway. I'm not sure how they define that really but if it's meant litteraly egoless, thats impossible. A EGO is there to create ideas and make order out of disorder. Your EGO creates the idea of not having a EGO, and then theres nothing left for you in the living world. A EGO can go many ways but without it there is no creation. It might bring destruction with it, but there won't be any creation either.
If such a society would be reached anything would fall apart. Then again the self centered EGO state a majority of the world lives in is a derailed EGOtistical state, contradictory to the EGOs idea of order and unity. But on the other hand I don't think it can be achieved with a strategy of living egoless. Wait, there is no life without it in the first place.
EGO is part of the cosmic plane where we live in.
All psychedelics can and will do is show you how to construct, de-construct and/or rebuild your own EGO to direct the game of life in the logical and desired direction.
Living EGOless is when you die, or perhaps after smoking DMT (haven't tried that, but probably will)
To direct the EGO people should contemplate ideas, thoughts, experiments and/or operations in the following order.
1: What matters.
2: What I want.
3: What others want.
I realized the world doesn't operate in that order. It works like.
1: What I want
2: What others want.
3: What matters.
Because our society is lacking order (one could argue lol) there is no readily available resource to first focus on the things that matter (A resource can be people themselves)
For many people in this society, it's struggle from the beginning.
People are forced to live life in the way of what you want first, then they focus what others want and in the end what matters.
For example: Nobody other then tech nuts really needs the newest I phone edition. But Apple wants something for themselves and desires other peoples needs be fullfilled to fullfill their own needs.
The result: Pointless stuff with little result and/or meaning.
Does the newest I phone edition matter?
Can't we just skip 3 versions and be extra spoiled 2 versions later? No we can't. Call it the free market if you will, but that's based on the order of operating society as earlier specified.
Because we live in a disordered world there is little attention to what matters. People live in a world where certain aspects are neglected or not being taken seriously. Politics I'd say to give you a example.
People focus their second strategy to what other people want. Because individuals own desires are always uncertain and sometimes under attack, that's why we divert our focus to others. Making friends, finishing deals and contemplate planning in a trusted circle where we can calculate a direction to benefit from as a group.
The things that matter are now totally shred of any meaning. Because the foundations of society are not based on what matters we constantly struggle between what you yourself and others want.
Whereas the idea of focusing on what other people want seems noble and good it's bollocks without first paying attention to the things that matter. If it makes you feel good to help others but your actions lead to nowhere, your just fullfilling the EGO of others to feel good yourself and thus fullfill your own one.
All it creates is bubbles that feed off the losers and anybody is delusional about the truth because they're part of something being orchestrated together that fills no further purpose. Countries, companies is to fullfill their own desires, and other peoples desires so their own can be fulfilled. Without any universal acceptance of direction to things that matter that system is looping out of control by design.
I realized myself that I personally have not done enough on my own to test my mind in this life on Earth. That I can do, could do and should do more learning. And That I will try to direct other peoples lifes if possible to do the same in the directions that matter.
Not serf yourself or others, atleast not in the first place. Only to survive if necessary, and in this world unfortunately that means it may be hard to play life in the logical order, but we should try the best we can. I think once we manage to reroute attention to the proper order and make people consent about it's meaning it would be very hard to derail into disorder again. Getting their as mankind, it's quite the problem imho.
And I hope everybody understands that and they who do act so accordingly.
END:
I think I tripped in total about 12-13 hours. 3-4 hour peak, 2 more hours of intense visuals and then the psychedelic effects faded fast to a mild decreasing level where it stopped after 12-13 hours.
Atleast so I thought...
While I really wasn't hallucinating anymore I couldn't sleep. I took the LSD at 9 AM in the morning, and I was only able to sleep at 5 AM the next day. Absorbing the experience was just difficult and even although I stopped hallucinating in the open my Closed eyes still teased me with occasional fractals that disrupted me from sleep.
I haven't gotten a whole lot of sleep, I wish I could have slept better.
I'm definetely willing to go there again after having experienced it, but it won't be in any short while that's for sure.
I thankyou for reading, hopefully it was a pleasant read.
This is my 4th time tripping on LSD.
Normally I don't post on experiences that much but I would be a lunatic if I didn't shared this one so here it is.
Setting: At home on my own.
I took 3 blotters. I'm not sure exactly how much each blotter contained but someone told me it's 150mics per blotter.
Could be 150mics, or anything as low as 100mics, I really don't know.
Let's say anwyhere from 300 to 450 mics in total.
I never dosed this high on previous attempts. The last time I did LSD prior to this one I took around 2x125mics (dealers dosage numbers)
Lets say my last time was 200-250mics. I really don't have a large database of previous LSD attempts to compare with so I'd advice you to give the dosage numbers a real -/+ nerve to it in whichever direction you want based on the trip report itself.
Some aspects of the trip, especially EGO death, are tried to be properly explained, and I found it funny to make a attempt to put it into words. But the best explanation is that there is no way to explain it. While I don't just simply advice anybody to go there, experiencing it only gets you to the answer.
The trip
For me it began as a rather normal sunday morning. I took some time to prepare my setting was in order. Having plenty of water, cigs, drinks available. Some good comedy, plenty of music.
The trip itself was indoor (the 1st 3-4 hours peak) that is! and I also lasted in the backgarden after that for quite some time.
I bought the LSD from a close friend of mine a while back. Spending all my wallets paper money that day on a total of 3 blotters for somewhere in the future.
I initially wanted to take 2 blotters. 2 blotters might have been a dose just higher then previous experience, maybe 2.5...
Some voice and possibly a very unwise voice one could argue insisted on taking all 3 that day. There was no sitter, but a very good set I find and a nicely orchestrated setting arround. I know myself, and others know myself as a very stable minded person. I felt I must do it!
I put all 3 papers at once on my tongue and held them there for twenty minutes after I began chewing and swallowing them. No taste whatsoever, and what little taste there might have been should be well spread since each paper was 1x1cm sized.
By this time (30minutes in) I started to feel the slight changes in vision and perception. Swirling letters, dancing wallpapers and the carpets end that can't choose to lay still or simply wasn't a real carpet after all
After having some good laughs about the carpet and the comedy in between I noticed a increase in perception, fractal patterning and Bright OEV Kaleidoscopes started encompassing my vision. Some seemed to emerge from objects, some out of nowhere. I would say at this point it was about 1 hour ago since I ingested the blotters and half an hour after feeling it's first effects.
I decided to play some Psytrance music. I starred outside to the morning clouds that were dancing there. Everytime I moved my vision the clouds kept reportraying to their original position back and forth (to the tune of the music most possibly)
For another 10minutes it seems I was taking it in quite comfortably for someone who might possibly dropped 450mics down his throat,
Then all of a sudden something perferated into my mind and soul and I litteraly lost my mind.
It began while I was listening to the psytrance on low volume. It was now that the LSD began to not just altering my vision and other areas of perception but my thought aswell. And when it did, it did hard. I was sucked into a loop of thoughts that made much sense, but also did not make quite much sense at the same time either (hard to explain trippy states)
Then all of a sudden I felt heroic! I was heroically criss-crossing my mind about all the thoughts that kept swaying in my mind, to be in awe of the mind and the fact that we can think and determine on our own. I felt so great for holding a thought in my mind as if it was normal to be amazed by being able to think in the first place.
Ye, I was real happy and trippy being able to hold a Thought in my mind. It made me feel really BINGO
Unwilling to my own mind this extremely simple thought began to zip around me as the only existing thought in the entire universe and within several seconds the thought spiralled out of control.
This thought looping is not the controlled thought state I was used with on LSD doses of 200-250mics. It's not the kind of control but complete lack of control where one could say,
“OH, I'm going deep now, let's switch the music.”
Maybe some trained psychonauts can pitch their mind at this dose but I had no control over this other world I seemed to balance in and out from. NO CONTROL!
As I can remember from this moment on my vision got engulfed in light and I tried to make the thought loop from stopping.
The thought loop steadily weakened and after a while it stopped, I thought great.................
..............
Im not sure how to explain it in normal english but. I didn't think!
All thoughts stopped, and not a mere signal that hinted me to create a thought. Or being able to comprehend a definition of thought. It was like there was no mind to speak of. I was simply brainfried...Mindcracked... Dead!
I soon realized anything was void from thoughts, I felt complete disconnection from my body at this point. I felt my vision dancing enormously up and down with me centered. But I wasn't there. It was like someone or something has switched my system off and I was simply observing a soulless body (that of my own) with my mind as if it were not in my own mind. Or better said, there was no me anymore observing myself. Even although the remaining vision of reality seemed to be focused down on me.
The whole definition of "mind" was being shattered in and out of every context imagineable.
Then finally after wishing I would be done with it all I just zipped. I didn't exist anymore. Whatever form of perception I had or what and where I was... I dont know. But I wandered through nothingness. There was no feeling juist void and that cellestial object that engulfed the vision on a vague background of the room which kept swaying in and out until I grasped the object and realized "I can think"
I was there again and I felt there again and I was Terrified. Which reminded me that I was been away from it all, oh yeah I was dead. I was completely amazed but mostly terrified. More terrifying feelings started to creep in when I discovered I still could barely think. Even although now I regained from holding onto thoughts, I still basically kinda lost my Mind.
And it felt litteraly as if my minds harddisk was erased and being reconstructed bit by bit. I thought to myself, OH NO!. How am I going to explain this to everybody, that I have no mind, that ive irreversably damaged my mind and that I would be a crazy therapeutic patient for the rest of my life.
By this time I realized,
WOW I'm still able to think at all! Then I felt like I needed to be taken care off. I thought to myself,
"CALM DOWN, CALM DOWN! I kept telling myself, fine fine, even if you have become crazy, just imagine that it might just be temporarily induced by THE LSD and postpone to phoning your girlfiend or parents for a couple more hours."
I'm happy my mind could still make correct decisions and I began to realize that maybe I really didn't lose it all.
I started a intense battle to grasp thoughts and hold onto them, but as I grasped each thought the thought grasped previously started looping while strugglin to hold onto another.
I couldn't make any out of it.
This time I felt being there and I felt like I was alive but every data that I tried to comprehend either fell away or faded away. There was little thought, and no order in it. It's like the brain blender was turned on and my neurotransmitters where all being shutdown systematically.
I couldn't handle it anymore and I decided to give up and again. I lost all meaning of self. I felt like there was the Universe, but not a trace of myself left and I had to wander space for eternity without a host and after who knows how many moments it seems my mind got released and I sat in my seat completely amazed about the things that happened. I began to realize how wonderfull it is that we have a mind, and that without a mind there is no indentity. And with the mind we humans can do and contemplate anything.
I was amazed by the experience, but I really hoped at this moment that I would not go this far down the hole for a third time. Luckily my mind started regaining control. Or basically I felt amazed I might not be a zombie patient and just feeling there a little alive really comforted me.
3 hours and 30 minutes in: For another half an hour my mind or better said my "sober" database of logic started to steadily re-emerge and for the first time in the trip I felt sober enough to even contemplate moving my body around the place. I felt incredibly alive all at once.
I went to the bathroom to take a * bleep *
When I stood up I looked in the mirror. I was shocked, my head seemed to be swaying 20-30 centimeters above my torso, my neck was stretched and it seemed like the flesh of my neck formed hands portraying my head being lifted from my body. I thought to myself, that's the most ironic sight I have ever seen for someone who had just lost his mind.
I was sitting outside in the backgarden and I was still fullout hallucinating. But the world outside seemed so wonderfull at that time. It felt like my mind or soul was refused with my body and wanted to let me know it loved me and the world it lives in.
I learned that day!
Everything felt like it had meaning and I realized that the mind or soul combination is fused in order to give meaning a logic edge to everything perceived. I realized that in the realms outside our own there is place for spirits (define what that is on your own spirituality) but that anything bodyless is egoless in this place. And that everything with a state of awareness in the living world is egofull and has a body.
This made me realize something. It is a realization that kinda goes face to face with some truth seekers. And maybe I'm the one that after 1 ego death experience just fails to see the real truth. But I'm pretty sure I understand some thing now.
To many spiritual people are obsessed with achieving a egoless life. I heard these people and I think they talk crap. But excuse me if I'm wrong, try anyway. I'm not sure how they define that really but if it's meant litteraly egoless, thats impossible. A EGO is there to create ideas and make order out of disorder. Your EGO creates the idea of not having a EGO, and then theres nothing left for you in the living world. A EGO can go many ways but without it there is no creation. It might bring destruction with it, but there won't be any creation either.
If such a society would be reached anything would fall apart. Then again the self centered EGO state a majority of the world lives in is a derailed EGOtistical state, contradictory to the EGOs idea of order and unity. But on the other hand I don't think it can be achieved with a strategy of living egoless. Wait, there is no life without it in the first place.
EGO is part of the cosmic plane where we live in.
All psychedelics can and will do is show you how to construct, de-construct and/or rebuild your own EGO to direct the game of life in the logical and desired direction.
Living EGOless is when you die, or perhaps after smoking DMT (haven't tried that, but probably will)
To direct the EGO people should contemplate ideas, thoughts, experiments and/or operations in the following order.
1: What matters.
2: What I want.
3: What others want.
I realized the world doesn't operate in that order. It works like.
1: What I want
2: What others want.
3: What matters.
Because our society is lacking order (one could argue lol) there is no readily available resource to first focus on the things that matter (A resource can be people themselves)
For many people in this society, it's struggle from the beginning.
People are forced to live life in the way of what you want first, then they focus what others want and in the end what matters.
For example: Nobody other then tech nuts really needs the newest I phone edition. But Apple wants something for themselves and desires other peoples needs be fullfilled to fullfill their own needs.
The result: Pointless stuff with little result and/or meaning.
Does the newest I phone edition matter?
Can't we just skip 3 versions and be extra spoiled 2 versions later? No we can't. Call it the free market if you will, but that's based on the order of operating society as earlier specified.
Because we live in a disordered world there is little attention to what matters. People live in a world where certain aspects are neglected or not being taken seriously. Politics I'd say to give you a example.
People focus their second strategy to what other people want. Because individuals own desires are always uncertain and sometimes under attack, that's why we divert our focus to others. Making friends, finishing deals and contemplate planning in a trusted circle where we can calculate a direction to benefit from as a group.
The things that matter are now totally shred of any meaning. Because the foundations of society are not based on what matters we constantly struggle between what you yourself and others want.
Whereas the idea of focusing on what other people want seems noble and good it's bollocks without first paying attention to the things that matter. If it makes you feel good to help others but your actions lead to nowhere, your just fullfilling the EGO of others to feel good yourself and thus fullfill your own one.
All it creates is bubbles that feed off the losers and anybody is delusional about the truth because they're part of something being orchestrated together that fills no further purpose. Countries, companies is to fullfill their own desires, and other peoples desires so their own can be fulfilled. Without any universal acceptance of direction to things that matter that system is looping out of control by design.
I realized myself that I personally have not done enough on my own to test my mind in this life on Earth. That I can do, could do and should do more learning. And That I will try to direct other peoples lifes if possible to do the same in the directions that matter.
Not serf yourself or others, atleast not in the first place. Only to survive if necessary, and in this world unfortunately that means it may be hard to play life in the logical order, but we should try the best we can. I think once we manage to reroute attention to the proper order and make people consent about it's meaning it would be very hard to derail into disorder again. Getting their as mankind, it's quite the problem imho.
And I hope everybody understands that and they who do act so accordingly.
END:
I think I tripped in total about 12-13 hours. 3-4 hour peak, 2 more hours of intense visuals and then the psychedelic effects faded fast to a mild decreasing level where it stopped after 12-13 hours.
Atleast so I thought...
While I really wasn't hallucinating anymore I couldn't sleep. I took the LSD at 9 AM in the morning, and I was only able to sleep at 5 AM the next day. Absorbing the experience was just difficult and even although I stopped hallucinating in the open my Closed eyes still teased me with occasional fractals that disrupted me from sleep.
I haven't gotten a whole lot of sleep, I wish I could have slept better.
I'm definetely willing to go there again after having experienced it, but it won't be in any short while that's for sure.
I thankyou for reading, hopefully it was a pleasant read.
