I was at an old school friend’s reunion barbeque in North London enjoying myself when I decided that it was the correct night to trip when I got home. I had 3 hits of acid waiting for me at home. I feel slightly nervous and anticipatory. On the drive home I can’t decide whether to have 2 or 3. I get home circa 6:30 and drop 2 at 6:45 and decide to wait and see whether or not to have the third one. I think that I might want a spliff at some point so I dash to the shops to gather the prerequisite paraphernalia.
By the time I get back its 7:50. Very slightly off baseline, can’t tell if its placebo or not. Decide to hang it and have the third hit.
As soon as I have the third hit, I am overcome by the desire to go outside. I lie down on the hammock and watch the sunset (v. pretty). Dusk falls, I am noticeably affected. I flit about playing acoustic guitar; it feels strange in my hands. Get inside and retreat to the basement (2 lovely sofas and a projector). I turn on a film – The Guard with Don Cheadle and Brendan Gleeson (great film btw). Can’t concentrate, too much stimulus. I turn it off. Overcome by nausea. Dry retch into a plastic bag for 2 mins. After composing myself I sit on the couch and cover myself with the blanket to alleviate the chills that have come over me.
Suddenly the detail on the blanket is revealed to me in ridiculously high contrast definition. I look at my trousers and it looks like they are pulsing with sound waves. I look up at the door to the cupboard, it’s warping and twisting and beating like a heart before my eyes, reds greens yellows and blues adorn the edges of every object I look at. Receive texts from my friend Patrick. I call him and go for a very brief walk outside. The sky looks like a pastel painting of a beautiful majestic fiery inferno in the sky and the same pattern is repeated over and over. I am overcome by waves of awe as I stare at it. I tell Patrick that I have to go back inside.
The visual distortions now reign over my whole field of vision. A pepper grinder seems to melt and flow and merge with the table. I stare at the door that I looked at earlier and perceive something truly unexplainable and unarticulatable. The door’s simple pattern seems to be repeating ad infinitum in the style of a fractal, and also the impression of movement around the periphery and the beating and warping make it seem like some sort of portal beyond which the realms of madness and chaos existed. The visual effect of the door is nothing compared to the mental effect that it has on me. It seems to be theconcept of Questioning personified. My mind is working on quadruple speed and I am questioning everything and nothing at the same time and not understanding the lack of answers provided. It is beautiful and terrifying.
QuestionsQuestionsQuestions QuestionsQuestionsQuestions QuestionsQuestionsQuestions QuestionsQuestionsQuestions QuestionsQuestionsQuestions QuestionsQuestionsQuestions
And no answers.
Fractals and vortexes begin to appear in my open eye field of vision. Aztec style art and things of the like. I see them but I am also very aware of my surroundings and seem to be able to separate the illusions from reality. My sense of autonomy is preserved. Gradually I become aware of an insidious and uncontrollable presence inside my mind. It is distinctly female, cartoonish, dirty, and sad and it initially fills me with revulsion. My restorative thought process kicks in quickly. I think “you asked for this, you got it lad, you wanted to see what 3 hits of acid does to you and now you’re going to have to deal with this, remember you’re in a safe environment and that this is what is meant to be happening.” I realize that the acid is showing me this presence for a reason and instead of trying to hide from it, I embrace it and focus my attention on it. I become aware that it represents the parts of my personality that I am not so proud of. I see that it represents my weakness for overindulgence in sensual pleasures such as drugs, food, sex and from afar it looks pathetic. Suddenly, I accept that this is a part of me, and I see that there are elements of the female character that are beautiful in their own unhinged, crazy, sad way and I am glad. I am proud of myself for having the maturity to face her and understand what she is telling me about myself and my personal character flaws.
I go upstairs to listen to some music. I am lying on my back staring at the ceiling seeing the fractal patterns circulating and kaleidoscoping. I think that the first song that I put on was “I’m a Believer” by The Monkees. It seems banal and childish to me. I quickly switch to a playlist I had come up with earlier which I leave on repeat. The sounds of David Bowie’s “Space Oddity” reverberate through the room, seeming to fill my body. My heart is beating quickly; throbbing like it’s infused with some cosmic rhythm. Other songs in the list included, “God Only Knows” by The Beach Boys, “All Along The Watchtower” by Jimi Hendrix, “Fake Plastic trees” by Radiohead, “Love has Gone” and “Give and Take” by Netsky and “Sometimes You Can’t Make it on Your Own” by U2. All these songs seem to fill me with an unexplainable sense of “epicness” that I become obsessed by. I look at the patterns on the ceiling and I feel like I’m falling into them and through them. I have no idea how long this continues for. My memories are extremely hazy at this point.
EPICEPICEPICEPICEPICEPICEPICEPICEPICEPICEPICEPICEPICEPICEPICEPICEPICEPICEPICEPICEPICEPIC
Sometime about 2:30 – 3 am, I am still listening to the playlist and the U2 song is on. It occurs to me that I am indeed very lonely. Again the restorative thought process kicks in and I accept that this is part of the experience. I find my dog for company. His presence comforts me immensely. He seems like my sole companion and confidant on this epic voyage. Cuddling him makes me feel loved and loving. The visual distortions have dropped off by now, no more fractals and vortexes, just standard effects (colours, morphing and warping etc) and I am no longer interested in them very much. I feel that I should sleep but I am filled with unexplainable restlessness. This irritates me but doesn’t worry me, I become aware by 4am that I am nearing the end.
During the fall off period I see things in my mind’s eye that I have not seen since my first psychedelic experience, an accidental 3x dose of magic mushrooms that caused me some serious anxiety at the time, even though I now consider it to have been an extremely positive influence on my life. I am in bed by this point and have turned the lights out. In my imagination I find myself in a sinister abandoned children’s play-park. I have words to describe the things that I see in my mind but I cannot remember them when I am sober. Again feelings of anxiety ensue, these were some of the imaginings that had caused me distress in my first trip – was I about to go through that again? I apply the restorative thought process and muster up the courage to look at the imaginings at accept them rather than try to hide from them and suddenly I become aware that there is nothing to fear from them. They are sinister and creepy but ultimately they seem to represent parts of my psyche and I accept that I will never be free from them but that they cannot hurt me unless I let them. I wonder if they represent the loss of my innocence.
Slowly I fall into a restless and fitful sleep. I am truly out like a light by 7.00am. I feel thoroughly drained when I wake up at 11:30 and seem to spend most of the next day on a comedown of sorts although nowhere near as intense as the comedowns brought on by MDMA or the like. By about 5:00pm I manage to roll and consume the spliff that had been waiting for me since 7:30 the previous evening.
I feel humbled and awed by this experience. It was not an easy trip and there were many moments of discomfort but it feels infinitely more worthwhile than any other trip I’ve ever done.
Please share any insights you may have into the symbolism of some of the imagery. I apologize for some of the bad english. I decided to write this in a "stream of consciousness" style since I think that most accurately reflects the mental thought processes whilst under the psychedelic experience.
By the time I get back its 7:50. Very slightly off baseline, can’t tell if its placebo or not. Decide to hang it and have the third hit.
As soon as I have the third hit, I am overcome by the desire to go outside. I lie down on the hammock and watch the sunset (v. pretty). Dusk falls, I am noticeably affected. I flit about playing acoustic guitar; it feels strange in my hands. Get inside and retreat to the basement (2 lovely sofas and a projector). I turn on a film – The Guard with Don Cheadle and Brendan Gleeson (great film btw). Can’t concentrate, too much stimulus. I turn it off. Overcome by nausea. Dry retch into a plastic bag for 2 mins. After composing myself I sit on the couch and cover myself with the blanket to alleviate the chills that have come over me.
Suddenly the detail on the blanket is revealed to me in ridiculously high contrast definition. I look at my trousers and it looks like they are pulsing with sound waves. I look up at the door to the cupboard, it’s warping and twisting and beating like a heart before my eyes, reds greens yellows and blues adorn the edges of every object I look at. Receive texts from my friend Patrick. I call him and go for a very brief walk outside. The sky looks like a pastel painting of a beautiful majestic fiery inferno in the sky and the same pattern is repeated over and over. I am overcome by waves of awe as I stare at it. I tell Patrick that I have to go back inside.
The visual distortions now reign over my whole field of vision. A pepper grinder seems to melt and flow and merge with the table. I stare at the door that I looked at earlier and perceive something truly unexplainable and unarticulatable. The door’s simple pattern seems to be repeating ad infinitum in the style of a fractal, and also the impression of movement around the periphery and the beating and warping make it seem like some sort of portal beyond which the realms of madness and chaos existed. The visual effect of the door is nothing compared to the mental effect that it has on me. It seems to be theconcept of Questioning personified. My mind is working on quadruple speed and I am questioning everything and nothing at the same time and not understanding the lack of answers provided. It is beautiful and terrifying.
QuestionsQuestionsQuestions QuestionsQuestionsQuestions QuestionsQuestionsQuestions QuestionsQuestionsQuestions QuestionsQuestionsQuestions QuestionsQuestionsQuestions
And no answers.
Fractals and vortexes begin to appear in my open eye field of vision. Aztec style art and things of the like. I see them but I am also very aware of my surroundings and seem to be able to separate the illusions from reality. My sense of autonomy is preserved. Gradually I become aware of an insidious and uncontrollable presence inside my mind. It is distinctly female, cartoonish, dirty, and sad and it initially fills me with revulsion. My restorative thought process kicks in quickly. I think “you asked for this, you got it lad, you wanted to see what 3 hits of acid does to you and now you’re going to have to deal with this, remember you’re in a safe environment and that this is what is meant to be happening.” I realize that the acid is showing me this presence for a reason and instead of trying to hide from it, I embrace it and focus my attention on it. I become aware that it represents the parts of my personality that I am not so proud of. I see that it represents my weakness for overindulgence in sensual pleasures such as drugs, food, sex and from afar it looks pathetic. Suddenly, I accept that this is a part of me, and I see that there are elements of the female character that are beautiful in their own unhinged, crazy, sad way and I am glad. I am proud of myself for having the maturity to face her and understand what she is telling me about myself and my personal character flaws.
I go upstairs to listen to some music. I am lying on my back staring at the ceiling seeing the fractal patterns circulating and kaleidoscoping. I think that the first song that I put on was “I’m a Believer” by The Monkees. It seems banal and childish to me. I quickly switch to a playlist I had come up with earlier which I leave on repeat. The sounds of David Bowie’s “Space Oddity” reverberate through the room, seeming to fill my body. My heart is beating quickly; throbbing like it’s infused with some cosmic rhythm. Other songs in the list included, “God Only Knows” by The Beach Boys, “All Along The Watchtower” by Jimi Hendrix, “Fake Plastic trees” by Radiohead, “Love has Gone” and “Give and Take” by Netsky and “Sometimes You Can’t Make it on Your Own” by U2. All these songs seem to fill me with an unexplainable sense of “epicness” that I become obsessed by. I look at the patterns on the ceiling and I feel like I’m falling into them and through them. I have no idea how long this continues for. My memories are extremely hazy at this point.
EPICEPICEPICEPICEPICEPICEPICEPICEPICEPICEPICEPICEPICEPICEPICEPICEPICEPICEPICEPICEPICEPIC
Sometime about 2:30 – 3 am, I am still listening to the playlist and the U2 song is on. It occurs to me that I am indeed very lonely. Again the restorative thought process kicks in and I accept that this is part of the experience. I find my dog for company. His presence comforts me immensely. He seems like my sole companion and confidant on this epic voyage. Cuddling him makes me feel loved and loving. The visual distortions have dropped off by now, no more fractals and vortexes, just standard effects (colours, morphing and warping etc) and I am no longer interested in them very much. I feel that I should sleep but I am filled with unexplainable restlessness. This irritates me but doesn’t worry me, I become aware by 4am that I am nearing the end.
During the fall off period I see things in my mind’s eye that I have not seen since my first psychedelic experience, an accidental 3x dose of magic mushrooms that caused me some serious anxiety at the time, even though I now consider it to have been an extremely positive influence on my life. I am in bed by this point and have turned the lights out. In my imagination I find myself in a sinister abandoned children’s play-park. I have words to describe the things that I see in my mind but I cannot remember them when I am sober. Again feelings of anxiety ensue, these were some of the imaginings that had caused me distress in my first trip – was I about to go through that again? I apply the restorative thought process and muster up the courage to look at the imaginings at accept them rather than try to hide from them and suddenly I become aware that there is nothing to fear from them. They are sinister and creepy but ultimately they seem to represent parts of my psyche and I accept that I will never be free from them but that they cannot hurt me unless I let them. I wonder if they represent the loss of my innocence.
Slowly I fall into a restless and fitful sleep. I am truly out like a light by 7.00am. I feel thoroughly drained when I wake up at 11:30 and seem to spend most of the next day on a comedown of sorts although nowhere near as intense as the comedowns brought on by MDMA or the like. By about 5:00pm I manage to roll and consume the spliff that had been waiting for me since 7:30 the previous evening.
I feel humbled and awed by this experience. It was not an easy trip and there were many moments of discomfort but it feels infinitely more worthwhile than any other trip I’ve ever done.
Please share any insights you may have into the symbolism of some of the imagery. I apologize for some of the bad english. I decided to write this in a "stream of consciousness" style since I think that most accurately reflects the mental thought processes whilst under the psychedelic experience.
