LSD (1000+ug) - Experienced - The worst nightmare of my life

[Thou]

death is a horrifying thing indeed

I'm not judging - but this is a very western way of thinking.

Life isn't horrifying (birth) - why death?

What is life without death? Nathing.



Death is your ally. Makes every day worthwhile. Just got memento mori (remember that you must die) tattood on my arm. Death (ketamine ego death) set me free.

Sorry for the digression.

 

[TrYpTiCaL]

My western mind agrees. It makes no sense to fear death. She is coming. And once you don't fear death anymore there's nothing really to fear at all.

I thought I liked excess until I saw your hanging by piercing post. Nope, I'm a bitch. I like excess a lot, but not pain. LOL

 

[Lucyfer]

I was a bit unclear. i practice buddhism and do understand that there is no reason to fear death. after this experience i know death is beautiful. however, it is still very scary to experience, unless you have achieved sustained enlightenment (psychedelics provide temporary enlightenment aka satori enlightenment)

one that has been enlightened has entirely eradicated the fear of death.

i'm fairly sure no one on these forums has fully reached that point. it usually takes buddhist monks a lifetime of practice. psychedelics do speed up the process, however.

the awareness psychedelics provide is very helpful for meditation and such.

 

[johannes kreisler]

I'd do like to point out to you and johannes kreisler that it probably wasn't the LSD that brought up this evil, but only your mind. The difference in these 2 is that when saying LSD did it, you put the blame on the drug, while in reality it is you who is to blame. Like Thou said "just don't a fucking ten strip", unless you really know what you are doing and the situation is PERFECT and nothing short of it. I'm sure you realize this, just felt like it was worth mentioning. When processing the experience, the 2 different approaches will make all the difference.

P.S I've been having both on and off problems with depression and derealization* and saying derealization is worse than depression is just bad. First of all, you can't really compare mental issues, they are relative. To you depression might seem light, but to me getting up and living daily, consumeristic life closely mirrors what one has to go through in the heavier parts of a trip. Secondly, depression can be a starting point for other mental issues like drug abuse, agoraphobia and yes, derealization.

*The latter of these is self-diagnosed and has fully gone away when I got a greater insight in the workings of psychedelics, on which I was basing the feeling. This might not be true derealization, but the time I was having troubles with this is a total haze for me now and I can't really describe what it all felt like. I might have been on the edge of psychosis there.

sure it's all in my mind. but I never ever ingested a drug or combination with the potential to send me to those places in my mind...or 'the mind' that is.... (truth to be said: I had this catastrophic trip after a one week binge on all kinds of psychoactives. surely did I fuck it up.)
lsd is a brutal and ruthless teacher. if you don't comply it will just break you. no mercy.
sure it taught me what I needed to be taught. but the way it does is just by brute force. difficult to ingest. actually sink or swim...

I don't put the blame on the drug. I don't even judge it or think little about it. but I'm still convinced that lsd can send you to actual hell - like no other drug (I know) can.
I've had trips on smoked DMT+MAOI+n2o that sent me way further down the rabbit hole (face of good, who is me, who is everything, swimming in the fountain and being reborn from it for eternity; "the other side" actual paradise; stuff like that ) and there was just no sinister touch about that. it's just not present in that compound. I've had rough trips on DMT but they never tortured my soul, with the pure intent to destroy and disintegrate like lsd did.
maybe lsd is the western approach to psychedelic enlightenment. the fascist of psychedelics. power is indeed power and it's message is valid as it reflects an aspect of the human condition. but it tries to deliver it by means of force and not by means of love.


and btw: I know very, very well what major depression is. it's been my best friend and worst enemy for over 10 years now. and I still say that derealization feels worse. this "edge of psychosis"-feeling is the worst thing I've ever felt. for days it was like a permanent bad trip. it's not the usual major depression mindfuck of "oh, I think I'm going insane" ( - while secretely hoping to go insane to get rid of all obligations.. ), it's the permanent feeling that your soul&mind are in a process of disintegration and that complete meltdown is imminent. NOT fun. learned a lot from that episode. ....let the shadow flow through you and it will disappear...

 

[InvisibleEye]

Wow, great report, this is definitely what I would call a life-changing experience...

 

[blight12]

Amazing, thanks for sharing OP.

I'm so glad you have tried to take away learning's and identified positive takeaways from the experience.
It is the best way to ensure a difficult experience, especially with drugs, can become a positive experience that you used to better your life or learn something valuable from. I believe you can take any bad trip or drug fuckup and force it into something positive moving forward.

This also sounds like experience that somehow when expected and controlled properly in the right environment could be something incredibly enlightening for the user.

Respect to you OP.

 

[Sir Ron Pib]

Great report Lucyfer; glad you came out of it with some positives
I have to say I used to tow the not fearing death line for a long time - like some others I pushed and pushed and finally got a trip where I found that I really did.

 

[SONN]

Lucyfer. You are the fucking man. Jesus christ this is definitely one of the craziest reports I've ever read, and I've read a lot.

that part where you went to the white light-- I've been there on 30mg 4-aco-dmt.

the part where you realized the thing separating us from animals is the ability to think-- I've had that realization on DOC. I then elaborated that our ability to think comes from our ability to use language to form conscious thoughts rather than subconscious urges that influence behaviors.

I dream of taking 1000 mics one day. The main reason I haven't so far is the price. Hopefully mine will be less hellish than yours, last time I took 3 hits (allegedly ~300 mics) for a short period of time I was in a room full of people talking about gorey accidents they've been in and stuff yet it really didn't bother me much.

That Kary Mullis quote is awesome. I will be sharing that with people. Once again, you're the fucking man.

 

[dezz]

Typical human arrogance, assuming that WE are somehow the ONLY beings blessed with the ability to think... How would you know? Can you see into the mind of a animals?

 

[blight12]

Typical human arrogance, assuming that WE are somehow the ONLY beings blessed with the ability to think... How would you know? Can you see into the mind of a animals?

Yep. Just need a bone saw and and a strong stomach.

 

[SONN]

I forgot to mention, your insecurities about being the 'special' kid are something we also share. I was diagnosed with ADD in the third or fourth grade and thought I had passed the test for years (meaning I didn't have it) until randomly in middle school my mom told one of my friends and they all teased me about it... needless to say I had a lot of insecurities about other possible mental disorders I could be suffering from and not know it. The most obvious thing to do would have been to confront my mother and ask her what was up with that but for some reason I never did.

I haven't had a real flashback of going into the light for a few months now probably. I used to just be able to bask in the afterglow at any time just by playing the chord progression that was playing in my head as soon as I came back. I still am a much more empathetic person and still get a small rush of empathy from playing that chord prog.

I've been questioning whether or not I have bipolar disorder recently and I'm led to believe that I at least have a mild form of it and may have had it almost my whole life if I'm thinking of the right symptoms.

It's crazy, I initially joined this forum to inform/warn people of the magnitude of vaporizing 25i but after being here for a year I've found a LOT of people have had VERY qualitatively similar experiences to mine. This intrigues and excites me because at least for ME it's evidence that there are more things happening than we know when someone takes a high dose of psychedelics.

 

[Tenvelden]

Very interesting and well detailed report. It seems these types of high dose trips have lots of beneficial outcomes to them. I wonder if there are other ways of reaching this type of higher consciousness. I guess it makes sense that you have to go through the darkest part of your mind in order to reach this.

 

[weadazoid]

I once met a fellow who mearly touched a large crystal that was composed of pure LSD. THe crystal he claimed was quite beautiful. It sent him on what he can only describe to be a 3 day trip.


He said it was like being shown the gates of heaven, being offered the key to humanity and then only have it taken back in a rather cruel way as he came down. He said the entire forest around him turned white, the green grass the trees, and the people around him became one with their surroundings.


This was in the woods, where apparently a great many hippy types gather he called it a rainbow festival, not a rave mind you, I think this is oldschool stuff... hippies off in the woods camping.

He himself was a hippy kinda a guy not a techno freak like me, while I can appreciate the dead, they are not really an all the time thing for me and I loathe Phish.


what I can say as an experienced user is the car ride and the uncertainty of what the day would hold possibly could have destroyed the fun.

while I am not a hippy I would never heavy dose and try to function in any environment that did not allow me to relax with nature. I have indeed taken the ride a 10 strip offers, and while it did not send me to a out of body it was very intense. and the need to wonder outside presented itself on many an occaision.


also I did not go near a 10 strip until I had a good 20 to 30 pychotropic experiences under me belt and the wrong environment gave me my one bad trip.

but a good environment gave me a very positive experience

 

[TrYpTiCaL]

I once met a fellow who mearly touched a large crystal that was composed of pure LSD. THe crystal he claimed was quite beautiful. It sent him on what he can only describe to be a 3 day trip.

No disprespect to you of course, but a 3 day trip from merely touching crystal lsd is highly unlikely.

 

[weadazoid]

I have never even seen a crystal, I know I had crystal rub blotters at one point. 4 hits of that was pretty intense so I believed him.... that story was actually about a freind and he did say he pressed his finger into it.... for what it's worth


can't you puddle someone by dripping liquid onto their skin??? I never tried it. the only liqiud I ever had was on cubes and it was great as well


anyway as I said, I feel for Lucypher who started this thread, but as others have pointed out a 10 strip is not for the faint of heart, and really my whole point was even a ride in the car can throw you off.

THe time I dropped 10 and had a blast I was at a house with a few freinds. It was in Valley Forge Mountain area so nice house lots of woods to wonder around in it was great.

another time I dropped 10 at what probably was an AWSOME house party somewhere in Westchester live band playing, lots of people, ice block for ice shots really.... a well done affair that night I lost my shit................ and it was just too many unknowns to come into a trip with

I never went to a different plannet.... I remember alot acutally and it was all still pretty much based on a distorted reality, I talked to dog the dog told me

"you look like other dogs.."

that was all.... I also wound up yelling "fuck you!!!" at the top of my lungs at the house where the party was. THe visuals were increadibly intense, but I could still see that people were people, the trees were trees and the moon, well while still being the moon it kind of zigzagged across the sky at one point like pinball but hey .... I could still say that it was the moon...


now admittedly i was set off so to speak.... by a series of unfortunate events.

I just have never experienced the Out of Body thing, nor do I ever care to.... I have never blacked out from liquor or even GHB .... which made everyone else go night night if they over did it. The closest I ever came to a black out was on an overzealous nitrous night where I was told I was about to fall over.... one my peeps caught me so maybe for like 5 seconds I lost touch with reality... but I already had had several and the one that got me well.... lets just say it was a massive baloon.



But then again a 10 strip was my limit never went over .... not saying it couldn't happen it is just hard for me to envision

 

[Lucyfer]

sounds like a damn weak ten strip to me.

by the way there is no LSD dose that lasts more than 12 hrs. sure higher doses will have you more off base for a much longer period of time, but you won't be full-on tripping after the 12 hour mark.

there is NO WAY someone could trip for 3 days.

 

[TrYpTiCaL]

I have never even seen a crystal, I know I had crystal rub blotters at one point. 4 hits of that was pretty intense so I believed him.... that story was actually about a freind and he did say he pressed his finger into it.... for what it's worth


can't you puddle someone by dripping liquid onto their skin??? I never tried it. the only liqiud I ever had was on cubes and it was great as well


anyway as I said, I feel for Lucypher who started this thread, but as others have pointed out a 10 strip is not for the faint of heart, and really my whole point was even a ride in the car can throw you off.

THe time I dropped 10 and had a blast I was at a house with a few freinds. It was in Valley Forge Mountain area so nice house lots of woods to wonder around in it was great.

another time I dropped 10 at what probably was an AWSOME house party somewhere in Westchester live band playing, lots of people, ice block for ice shots really.... a well done affair that night I lost my shit................ and it was just too many unknowns to come into a trip with

I never went to a different plannet.... I remember alot acutally and it was all still pretty much based on a distorted reality, I talked to dog the dog told me

"you look like other dogs.."

that was all.... I also wound up yelling "fuck you!!!" at the top of my lungs at the house where the party was. THe visuals were increadibly intense, but I could still see that people were people, the trees were trees and the moon, well while still being the moon it kind of zigzagged across the sky at one point like pinball but hey .... I could still say that it was the moon...


now admittedly i was set off so to speak.... by a series of unfortunate events.

I just have never experienced the Out of Body thing, nor do I ever care to.... I have never blacked out from liquor or even GHB .... which made everyone else go night night if they over did it. The closest I ever came to a black out was on an overzealous nitrous night where I was told I was about to fall over.... one my peeps caught me so maybe for like 5 seconds I lost touch with reality... but I already had had several and the one that got me well.... lets just say it was a massive baloon.



But then again a 10 strip was my limit never went over .... not saying it couldn't happen it is just hard for me to envision

If he pressed his finger into it and licked it it's possible. There is a thumprint thread somewhere around here which talks about such things. Just dripping liquid on their skin I'd say no to that. Maybe if there were a transdermal agent involved, but I can't see why there would be.

sounds like a damn weak ten strip to me.

by the way there is no LSD dose that lasts more than 12 hrs. sure higher doses will have you more off base for a much longer period of time, but you won't be full-on tripping after the 12 hour mark.

there is NO WAY someone could trip for 3 days.

I've actually gotta' disagree with that. I'm pretty sure I've had acid that had me full on tripping longer than twelve hours. Also I've seen on here regarding redosing people state that redosing past the first hour was pointless or a waste of acid. I'd say that would depend on how much you'd be redosing. Just like you can trip tonight and then tomorrow just double you're dosage and trip again. So say you take a couple hits and then later into your trip you take twenty or more you don't think you'd trip past the twelve hour mark. I know I would.

 

[helium-4]

If your taking that much LSD starting the trip off smoking marijuana is NOT a good idea. Even though marijuana with high amount of cannabinoids other than THC have other pharmacological effects like anxiolytic effects, the THC can over power that (like when you smoke a decent amount of high potency marijuana). Its best to always under dose marijuana on psychedelic trips because it can shoot up the intensity of the experience drastically as well as increase the potential for anxiety and paranoia during the experience. Also its best to wait until the trip is under way before you decide to smoke or not. The experience could have been more manageable if you waited until the peak to decide if smoking was a good idea.

Just some food for thought

 

[jimhoo]

I'm not judging - but this is a very western way of thinking.

Life isn't horrifying (birth) - why death?

What is life without death? Nathing.



Death is your ally. Makes every day worthwhile. Just got memento mori (remember that you must die) tattood on my arm. Death (ketamine ego death) set me free.

Sorry for the digression.

i like this in theory and would of agreed with you till recently. but have had a couple of bad experiences recently where i thought i was going to die and was terrified at the prospect. i salute you if you really have overcome the fear of death but for me that attitude was brazen naivete.

 

[weadazoid]

sounds like a damn weak ten strip to me.

by the way there is no LSD dose that lasts more than 12 hrs. sure higher doses will have you more off base for a much longer period of time, but you won't be full-on tripping after the 12 hour mark.

there is NO WAY someone could trip for 3 days.

I am pretty sure if you get puddled so to speak by liquid you are pretty much done for and it could last even longer then 3 days. LSD is an increadibly potent chemical.... but it does affect people differently. I have always been capable of lucid dreaming a factor that has allowed me to in fact take LSD in a dream state, and wake up and feel very minor effects breifly as I lay in bed.... closest thing I have ever had to a flashback.

in dreams I have also taken MDMA and woken up with slight teeth grinding

and yes I have even found cocain, but in most cases the anticipation of doing the coke is somehow better then the coke itself in the dream state .....


I think how people react to highly altered states varies, I think ones phychological make up can play a huge part in the way these kinds of chemicals react


I have heard stories about people who have dropped liquid into their eye and gone into an instant long lasting highly visual trip.... I would imagine this may take me to OoB experience, but I never choose to go that route, seemed just a bit terrifying.

as far as what I took, it was back in the mid to late 90's so it was before all these web sites and what not, all I know is they were tye dye style hearts and onks, and trust me it lasted more then 12 hours both times I dropped a 10 strip. Admitedly it was only done twice in my life, that bad being the 2nd and it made me back off..... not for good, just for my own mental state. THat was the first night I got caught in a serious thought loop, where the same negative thoughts just spiraled out of control durring the come up so to speak.

now the bad time was well.... just plain old white blotter, nothing on it, perhaps the most potent stuff I have ever come across.