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Loving someone that is sober and coming out of the closet as a drug user

LucidSDreamr

LucidSDreamr

Bluelighter
Joined
May 23, 2013
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Silicodone Valley
How do you handle it when you meet someone that you really like that you want to fall in love with and marry but they are very innocent and basically brainwashed by society on the subject of drugs and you are a drug user. I believe drugs have made me who I am and they are a part of me, specifically psychedelics and recreational drugs that enhance life and activities.

I just don't know how or when to tell this person that I do this. They have never done mind altering drugs and have a perception that they make you retarded and destroy lives. How do you get around this? I really want to be with this person.


It is just the begining phase of our relationship, but I really feel that she could be the one. I am 29 years old and ready to love someone and stop having meaningless flings. I was in love once before, but I wasn't ready, now I am.
 
Most importantly, I think IMO you can't just decide you want her to be the one and that you want to fall in love with her.

Secondly, if she feels strongly about drugs (in a negative light) and you feel drugs are an important part of your life then you absolutely have to talk to her and at the very beginning of the relationship. I know that personally if I were with someone and they knew how I felt about something and they didn't bother to tell me how they believed and lived the total opposite of that, I would feel very misled and betrayed when I found out. If you think you want to be with someone long term you don't want to start the relationship with lack of honesty, especially with something you feel is such a huge part of your life.

If we were together and you made it very clear that, say, you don't like kids...you don't like kids, you don't want kids, and you wouldn't date someone with kids. What if I had 2 kids at home that are a huge part of my life and I didn't say anything? I believe you are "brainwashed" and you might change your mind somewhere along the way and you will just have to be understanding about why I didn't tell you about my 2 kids and accept the fact that they are a big part of my life somewhere down the road when I tell you. So when I throw this huge fact out there, how are you going to feel?
 
Part of it is going to be first demonstrating that you can be a responsible, reliable, consistent man.
 
That was me about three years ago - my boyfriend wasn't a hardcore drug user but he did MDMA, ketamine, weed, mushrooms, etc. and he just slowly introduced me to them ... not like making me do them or anything ... but explaining the facts about them. I remember one conversation we had about drugs, before I tried anything, I was crying and stuff, not really sure what all this stuff was about. Oh how innocent I was ... But yeah, my boyfriend was a good guy and he certainly showed that, and then a few months after we started dating, I tried MDMA, and well it went on from there. If he had told me at the very start of our relationship that he was a drug user, I probably would have gotten out of it right away. It's something that is a really big deal, possibly a dealbreaker, for those who aren't familiar with drugs. I always thought I was open-minded but I certainly wasn't at first, it took time. I was brainwashed by the media too... but after learning from my boyfriend AND from reading stuff online (thank you BL!) then I was able to learn about drugs (mostly MDMA at first) by myself and learn the facts vs what the media told me.
 
Yeah I'm really scared of this happening to me. I'm exclusively not looking to be in a relationship but I do see people who I have a passing attraction to but would never ever even consider it. Ever since I even just tried drugs I kind of knew I had crossed a bridge and when I found out the prejudice and shit that sober people have I realized that the bridge I crossed had been burnt behind me and I should stick to other drug friendly people or wait for someone super duper special who would be worth changing for or who would be lovely enough to accept me.

Gosh I sound like some mad addict, I only dabble in fun drugs but I think for a lot of people in the circles I mix in that is not cool or acceptable.
 
acidhermione said:
Gosh I sound like some mad addict, I only dabble in fun drugs but I think for a lot of people in the circles I mix in that is not cool or acceptable.
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Many people think it's unacceptable and ridiculous to use drugs, so it often has to be brought up slowly. I don't always think honesty is the best policy for things like this as there are some awesome people who are simply blinded by the media perception of drugs.
 
llama112 said:
Many people think it's unacceptable and ridiculous to use drugs, so it often has to be brought up slowly. I don't always think honesty is the best policy for things like this as there are some awesome people who are simply blinded by the media perception of drugs.
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I agree, I just have to look back at myself and imagine if a guy asked me out and in the first few meetings told me he liked drugs I'd feel intimidated at the very least and possibly, nah probably definitely not want anything to dowith him. Drugs are not cool where I come from, I discovered them when I moved away and got involved in a more subcultured group of friends who were curious about it.


there are awesome people who take drugs and awesome people who are fiercely against drugs. It's a shame. I just wish we could all just get along like we used to in middle school!

I think the whole issue is a predicament if you are like op and have fallen for someone who may not accept that side otherwise just tread carefully.
 
Be careful.....Someone like that who is "innocent" and "brainwashed" is far more likely to be unaccepting of your lifestyle.

If this woman cannot fully accept you, good and BAD, then she is not the one.
 
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