Love on life support

[*SWeeT-e*]

I don't know why I hang on...and yet I can't seem to fully let go...

Each time I open the door, you somehow manage to slam it back in my face, then catch it right before it closes so that a crack of light remains...hope shining through...

I have never loved and hated one person so equally intensely at the same time...it's paradoxical...

Sometimes I feel so free...and sometimes I feel like I'm back on your couch again, that awful Sunday afternoon...listening to you tell me you don't love me anymore...seeing the pain in your eyes...feeling my heart shatter into a million pieces...

How can a heart break so many times without being put back together in between?

I make it a rule to live my life without looking back, to never have regret...and yet this is the closest I've ever come to wishing I never met someone...wishing I never experienced all the wonderful, intimate, eye-opening things I've been through with you...though you've given me so much...I almost wish I could give it all back...

Because if you're not going to be the one...then I wish these wonderful experiences had been saved for someone else...because I fear that everything I do, in everyone I meet, I will always compare it to what I had with you...and it will always be flawed...

And yet there is still hope...because I have felt this way about one person before you...one person I thought I would compare all the rest to...until I met you...and so maybe the same thing will happen again...and I only can't see it now...

And yet there is still hope...because with each door that gets slammed in my face...with each crack that you leave open for hope...I close the door of my heart a little more...and open it a little less each time...and it gets easier to take this rejection...it still hurts, but there is a wall growing around my heart, a thick skin that doesn't let you hurt me anymore...at least not as much...

At first I mourned the death of your love for me...and now I mourn the death of my love for you...and the first death was quick and sudden, like being suddenly struck by a car and knocked off my feet...and the second death is like being diagnosed with terminal cancer...slowly it eats away at my heart...until one day, death will come unannounced and unnoticed in my sleep, and I will not even know what has happened...

Am I more afraid to let love live...or to let love die?

My love for you is on life support...and I know it is no use, you are gone...and though there is mild activity showing on the monitors...it is a false hope that teases me of a return to life...and I have to accept that which is long overdue...that it's time I pulled the plug...

Sometimes it seems more painful to let love die...when really it is more painful to let love live.

 

[Rollingrrl]

Wonderful piece! I totally relate. it is so hard to decide which is better for all involved and the pain factor isn't ever easy to determine. I chose to move on but let love remain in my heart. afterall it never really ever goes completely away.

*HUGGLES*

PM me if you ever wanna talk!

~Shelly~

*does exotic belly dance*

 

[femmme fatal]

wow.

there's some really good and well worded thoughts in there.

"How can a heart break so many times without being put back together in between?"

i really like that, yet i know the pain you mean.

very well done.

aj the femme

 

[Furnace]

you got lucky.

great piece.

 

[Siany]

I can relate to this piece so well.. I really like how you've written it! Good work.

 

[cherub]

awesome writting, agreed with the rest of the comments this one really stands out, maybe it is the commonality of life and love and how it works but it definately something alot of people can relate too.

 

[PsychoKitten]

I can identify with this so well (can't we all), it's a really well written and beautiful piece.

 

[L O V E L I F E]

"Sometimes it seems more painful to let love die...when really it is more painful to let love live."

Nicely articulated.

Underscores one of life's most challenging balancing acts:

Hope Versus Acceptance.

Reminds me of a tense exchange between Andy and Red in the mess hall in Shawshank.

RED:

What are you talking about?

ANDY:

Hope.

RED:

Let me tell you something, my friend.

Hope is a dangerous thing.

Hope can drive a man insane.

It's got no use in here.

You better get used to that.

ANDY:

Like Brooks did?

Andy may have won that battle, but in your case, you smartly and courageously decided that the pain that comes from acceptance is necessary so that you can move on.

And the upside to having your heart broken a second time is that it heps cement the idea that there is no such thing as "The One."

So now you are free to live your life, confident that eventually, you will have the oppotunity to love The One, Part III.

 

[ButrosButros_Grantos]

Very nice, but avoid using so many elipses (... ), they should be used for a continuing thought, or trail off of speech that need no be said. "There is nothing more powerful than a well placed full stop.'

 

[cocopelli1719]

i can totally relate to this piece...it reminds me of my ex greatly....good work