The first day off Suboxone is just a trick to make you think w/d's are going to be easier this time. I'm just sitting here waiting to get on with it already.
I'm at the end of a 6 month relapse after having nearly 2 years. Life had been going very well, I slipped up because of stupid workout supplements. I was working out hard and running a bunch, I started by using protein powders and stuff, but I tried these pre-workout supplements that were mostly a bunch of caffeine. That leads to more dangerous supplements like 3DMAA, which is some kind of amphetamine, but had horrible side effects, so I bought pure amphetamines and led to bit of an opiate binge. Got sober by rapid tapering Subs and it was pretty easy. But I relapsed and got heavy on RC benzo's and fentanyl in tablets and later sheet after sheet of blotters. Fastfoward a few months I'm having to leave a few blotter by the bed to get through the night. I've quick tapered suboxone over about 14 days and it's been about 28 hours since the last opiate that I'll ever take was consumed. But I've got other addictions going on now, too
My last stable dose of Suboxone was around .26mg, the last few days I massively dropped each day, so my symptoms have started but are still pretty mild.
I've take 60mg-70mg Amphetamine sulphate each morning(I can only guess at the purity but mg for mg seems close to adderall) but I didn't take this today either. I figure the amphetmine w/d lethargy might be helpful, and I can kick two of these at once
I take .75-1.5mg of Flubromazolam a long acting benzo per day, it's hard to find a stable daily dose for this stuff with it weird active metabolites. I also had an accidental overdose of this stuff not long before I decided to quit. 4 days of memory gone, and I did weird and out of character stuff. I have diazepam on order so I can taper down properly once I get off the amphetamines and opiate w/d.
I'm also smoking copius amounts of shatter(basically purer kind of hash) that I want to quit last just because it's so helpful for w/d.
So, day 1 free from opiates and amphetamines. I feel weird and disoriented, and my legs are ballooning and painful, and I'm tired from lack of sleep over the last few days. But overall feeling ok, my mood is decent. I know I've still got at least 100 days before I can be fully clean from the benzos, but it's nice to be on the road to full sobriety. I'm well prepared, I have 6-7 days of clonidine, a few days of gabapentin, some anti-naseau stuff I can't remember the name of, and in a pinch I could take a bit extra of the Flubro if I absolutely can not sleep. Wife is covering for me while I have "the flu", just hope this whole bit doesn't become a long protracted process. I'm lucky I have almost 2 months where I can put my life basically on hold to plow through this.
I'm confident I can get clean, but this whole relapse has me scared that I don't know how to stay clean. I'm working on getting back to a therapist, but I had 5-6 sessions with one during the relapse that were helpful to me, but I don't know how much more I can get from that.
I'll keep updating this when I can.
Thanks for reading, and to anyone reading going through something similar, remember: Sometimes you have to make drastic changes to make life worth living. Society pressures us not to change, because for many things staying the same are a familiar comfort. You'll have friends that want you to be something that validates their drug use, but you need to move past these people. Do you want to live a life that wasted by powders, tars and pills? Or do you want to live a life of meaning?
I'm at the end of a 6 month relapse after having nearly 2 years. Life had been going very well, I slipped up because of stupid workout supplements. I was working out hard and running a bunch, I started by using protein powders and stuff, but I tried these pre-workout supplements that were mostly a bunch of caffeine. That leads to more dangerous supplements like 3DMAA, which is some kind of amphetamine, but had horrible side effects, so I bought pure amphetamines and led to bit of an opiate binge. Got sober by rapid tapering Subs and it was pretty easy. But I relapsed and got heavy on RC benzo's and fentanyl in tablets and later sheet after sheet of blotters. Fastfoward a few months I'm having to leave a few blotter by the bed to get through the night. I've quick tapered suboxone over about 14 days and it's been about 28 hours since the last opiate that I'll ever take was consumed. But I've got other addictions going on now, too
My last stable dose of Suboxone was around .26mg, the last few days I massively dropped each day, so my symptoms have started but are still pretty mild.
I've take 60mg-70mg Amphetamine sulphate each morning(I can only guess at the purity but mg for mg seems close to adderall) but I didn't take this today either. I figure the amphetmine w/d lethargy might be helpful, and I can kick two of these at once
I take .75-1.5mg of Flubromazolam a long acting benzo per day, it's hard to find a stable daily dose for this stuff with it weird active metabolites. I also had an accidental overdose of this stuff not long before I decided to quit. 4 days of memory gone, and I did weird and out of character stuff. I have diazepam on order so I can taper down properly once I get off the amphetamines and opiate w/d.
I'm also smoking copius amounts of shatter(basically purer kind of hash) that I want to quit last just because it's so helpful for w/d.
So, day 1 free from opiates and amphetamines. I feel weird and disoriented, and my legs are ballooning and painful, and I'm tired from lack of sleep over the last few days. But overall feeling ok, my mood is decent. I know I've still got at least 100 days before I can be fully clean from the benzos, but it's nice to be on the road to full sobriety. I'm well prepared, I have 6-7 days of clonidine, a few days of gabapentin, some anti-naseau stuff I can't remember the name of, and in a pinch I could take a bit extra of the Flubro if I absolutely can not sleep. Wife is covering for me while I have "the flu", just hope this whole bit doesn't become a long protracted process. I'm lucky I have almost 2 months where I can put my life basically on hold to plow through this.
I'm confident I can get clean, but this whole relapse has me scared that I don't know how to stay clean. I'm working on getting back to a therapist, but I had 5-6 sessions with one during the relapse that were helpful to me, but I don't know how much more I can get from that.
I'll keep updating this when I can.
Thanks for reading, and to anyone reading going through something similar, remember: Sometimes you have to make drastic changes to make life worth living. Society pressures us not to change, because for many things staying the same are a familiar comfort. You'll have friends that want you to be something that validates their drug use, but you need to move past these people. Do you want to live a life that wasted by powders, tars and pills? Or do you want to live a life of meaning?
