Mental Health lost

[Unregistered276]

I feel very lost and any help would be appreciated. Although the forums can be entertaining and informative i think with different opinions and contradictions it may hinder my life struggle. So i thought i'd write my own thread to hopefully get direct answers.

Apparently I was diagnosed with schizoaffective. But having read up on p.a.w.s is it even possible its all withdrawal?. Weed was my drug of choice, i smoked it from about 16 onwards. When i got to 24 ish i really made an effort to cut the weed out for good. After quitting for several weeks i encountered pretty bad psychosis with and attempt on my life. I spent sometime on a mental health ward.
To cut a long story short the last 10 years has been living hell. I have had few periods of normality, many attempts to quit weed and alcohol which is also a problem. I feel its got so complicated and i've been through so much that i don't know how to express this, but will try.
Ive never been off weed more than 2-3 months and i've had more psychosis during this withdrawal period. Weed gives me chest pains now.

I'am completely confused about how to live either a drug free with moderate drinking life or an abstinent life. I tried AA , NA , and it wasnt for me, thats a different argument though. I believe AA prescribes relapse, its depressing and they mourn the addiction ... one day at a time. I'm too diplomatic and objectionable to think there scare tactics and cult procedures . I went on the intuitive recovery four day course which is the same approach as jack trimpeys rational recovery book. This was by far the best approach for me but i feel i didn't last long in sobriety because of my psychological problems.
I have offered counseling but they say i need to be sober.
Ive been on various combos of meds, at the moment its resperidone and sertraline. Non have worked. If i'm on a sober run I end up losing the plot and life is more difficult than in addiction. It almost feels like a need these addictions to feel relatively normal.

Is there any such thing as addictive personality? Doesn't it run in the family? Genetic research suggest it does after looking into it. Yet other people say it's a predisposition.
I really want to be a good person, job , house, girlfriend but I feel sapped of all ambition, self esteem and confidence.
Obviously I could go into a lot more detail but that's the basics. Anyone else with schizoaffective have any advice? What do I do? sorry bout the spelling i'm a bit rusty.
Cheers


bacon strips &
Baconstrips &

 

[chrisfitz2]

Have you ever tried apipriprazole (abilify) or divaprolex sodium (Depakote) ? They work for me for my mania and schizophrenia and bipolar depression. But the only downside is that the switch form resperidone to apipriprazole is very difficult and led me towards a bad road but once it built up in my system I felt so much better! It can also make you lose weight though, but you feel less tired than resperidone, and feel less depressed and suicidal. I feel to have that addictive personality you are talking about. If you have any other questions please feel free to reply or message me.

 

[herbavore]

I always think that it is crazy that counseling is withheld from people "until they are sober". Why? If self-medicating is part of the complex web of balance/imbalance then why not treat it like any other part? Anyway, that's just my mini-rant.

I have known people that successfully medicate with marijuana (calms the mind) and those for whom marijuana sends them completely over the edge into panic so, like any drug, there is an individual interaction that must be taken into account. It sounds like for you, this drug is not helpful. I'm pretty biased against alcohol in general so I'm probably not the best person to comment on that substance but if you find it difficult to moderate your use, that alone is enough reason to stay away from it.

There is no agreement apparently in the world of psychology about whether an "addictive personality" exists or not. My son claimed that he had one and I certainly believed it but people he came in contact with in the world of addiction counseling seemed to discount the theory. He was sometimes manic and also compulsive so maybe that translated with drugs to an inability to modify?

I think that the crux of the matter in any life, no matter what label someone gives it, is to learn your own mind. Learn what triggers the behaviors that work against you and learn what encourages those that give you a sense of calm and strength. Then strategize. How do I minimize or eliminate the stresses that lead me to become off-balance and how do I nurture more of what brings me balance? It takes honesty, courage and diligence (not to mention a whole lot of patience) to live a life of internal harmony. But it is an adventure to learn how so don't get discouraged! The best part is that you truly do have the steering wheel in your own hands. Don't be afraid to go within. Surround yourself with people that can nurture and support that process (whether in the field of mental health or in personal relationships, teachers, etc). Remind yourself every single day that the symbols of success are just symbols. You get to define what makes you happy, what success is.

 

[MilzyWilzy]

I can relate to your struggle in life, I have had recurrent psychosis since I had my baby 17 months ago. I feel where you are coming from. I am on a Haloperidol/Haldol injection once every four weeks and that has helped me immensely so maybe see your doctor about that. I was on various medications, quetiapine, risperidone, olanzapine as well as a few others, none of them were successful with me. I began self medicating with research chemicals, not a wise path to choose may I add. You can and will get through this, you have to push HARDER and your strength will shine. The daily battle of living with a mental illness is horrendous, but you can overcome the negatives. You need to believe that you are worth it, you are worth a good job, a nice partner and a great car. As long as you have breath in your body then you can fight, you can be the person that you desire to be. Start slowly, give yourself little goals everyday, give yourself a little something to look forward to everyday. I promise you that you that you are capable of being happy, you just need to grasp that inner strength that's waiting inside of you. Gather yourself a support network, regularly visit your doctor to monitor and effectively manage your mental health. Remember you ARE worth it. PM me if you need a chat or a moan. Stay safe sweet.

 

[P.o.T.u.S]

If the meds arent working id try to talk to doc to taper and stop because theres no point if you dont feel better..u have to slowly build a sober life that u can be proud of and get thru with out the need to escape using drugs..with me its not really im addicted to drugs its more im addicted to escaping my reality by numbing my mind and emotions..the weed isnt helping either anybody ive talked to with mental health problems usually says weed makes more problems than solutions

only u have the power to change..mindfulness is a good place to start