Lost

[New]

I feel my breath-tear
My death-air
The thickness parting thin
This life around, surrounding
My existence's every whim
The escapes I seek are
fruitless
endeavors into the streets
Of existences yet untold
Same heart, just different beats
Complacency's the sin
Of finding my way out
These twists
And turns
Are just my yearns
Of living without a route
Directionless endeavors
Devoid of start
With end naught
Can't be good
Don't seem bad
But have my spry feet caught!

 

[B9]

^I like that New!

 

[ControlDenied]

You have a nice and quirky poetry style. I have one suggestion though (which I took a year or so ago and I feel helped my poetry). Less two/three word sentences! You can work in the same style, but with "traditional" longer phrases. Just my advice though... it's no rule by any measure! (fuck I'm spouting the poetry nowadays)

 

[New]

Thanks, guys.

And I'll be sure to try your bit of advice in the future.

 

[psycosynthesis]

I like this also! The rhymes work well and are smile-inducing.

 

[colicolo]

Same heart, just different beats
Complacency's the sin
Of finding my way out
These twists
And turns
Are just my yearns
Of living without a route

such accurate choice of words and clever rhyming schemes makes this a grouse poem.

 

[up all night]

^ What he said (but I probably wouldn't use the word grouse )

 

[Jabberwocky]

i agree tis a quirky style but fun and highly enjoyable. this part confused me

These twists
And turns
Are just my yearns
Of living without a route

the placement of the word yearns. im unsure what it yearns.

 

[New]

It yearns to live without the route. Knowing where you're going is so boring.

And thank you guys, too.

 

[Jabberwocky]

got thanks. good stuff