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Lost my virginity yesterday and I feel like shit.

lars90

lars90

Bluelighter
Joined
Feb 11, 2012
Messages
523
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Germany/USA
Well yesturday was my 16th birthday so I made a house party. And I have always wanted to wait until Im atleast 16 with sex. I was a little drunk and she was pretty drunk. I really wanted to wait until I had a gf and do it while I was not drunk. I really did but then I could she asked me if I wanted to and I really didnt but still did it.

I feel like shit today because mostly that and I got a head ache.


Any Ideas how to make it better? Notthe head ache but this feeling.

What was your first time like?
 
I have to say I'm not necessarily surprised you don't feel good about how it happened, especially if you've been 'saving yourself'...honestly though, I personally think people make too big a deal out of the first time. Truth is most of the time it's a bit crap, you've got no idea what you're doing and it hurts more than it feels good. Just remember this is only a significant event if you make it one...my first time really doesn't particularly stand out in my mind even though it went as planned, I've had much more memorable sex since then and so will you. You can always have a metaphorical first time with the person that matters later on. Try not to obsess abotu this too much, it really doesn't have to mean anything :)
 
He is a guy, so I doubt it physically hurt.

The alcohol (read: hangover) is definitely contributing to your feeling shit.

My first time I was on near a gram of DXM, and I'm not sure I would've been comfortable getting naked if it weren't for the DXM (had no trouble the following times sober)
I laid there like an overheated corpse, as my recently ex (at the time) rode me until I had to push her off to go puke.

I found losing my virginity very disappointing, as sex had been built up to be this amazing thing only to discover it's just wanking with someone's vagina, only you've got less control.
Then again maybe that's just my disconnected apathetic nihilistic perspective shining through.
 
Yeah I know but the point was just that the first time is hardly ever the best one for most people and there isn't really any need to focus on it.
 
If you can't figure that out you're probably too intellectually/emotionally/mentally puerile to be having an intimate relationship, which is what OP was wanting to wait for.
 
I hate to say this but isn't it ironic that in this case it's a male that's having these feelings. Usually it's the woman who regrets the first time.

Listen OP, you've gotten some very sound advice here and it is what "you" make it. Hopefully she's not pregnant, you protected yourself and the regrets are all in your mind. Hang in there and always try to remain "in control" to some level at all times. Alcohol can really push the "limit" thing very easily. Call it a lesson learned and move on. Good Luck!
 
you're beating yourself up over nothing

to stop feeling depressed over it, occupy your mind with other tasks
 
That sucks, participating in sexual acts when you aren't in the mood is never pleasant especially for a first timer. Try to just keep your mind off of it, maybe sleep the hangover off, and consider why exactly you didn't say no, simply to help prevent a situation like this again.

Also some people just don't enjoy sexual acts with people they're not into. The first time I got head was from some random chick and I couldn't stop thinking about how fucking stupid the whole thing was.
 
My first few times were a drunken one night stands with girls I didn't really know. It sucks, sure, but at least you got to test the waters and maybe you'll be a bit more confident the next time around or whenever it is you find a girlfriend. I really didn't enjoy sex until I was in a relationship with someone I actually cared about - casual hookups are overrated, imo.
 
"kind of awkward, not that great" is how most of the people i know would describe their first time. sure, it's better with someone you're close to, because it makes it a little easier to handle the weirdness. but it's not like you've botched some major life milestone - the goal of your first time is to learn what you want to improve for your second. as you get more experience, you'll feel less pressure and know more about what you (and your partner) want, as well as how to make that happen. for example, you've already learned that random drunken hookups aren't that great, which is good information to get this early in your life.

otherwise, just relax. anxiety is one of the sneakier symptoms of a hangover. [disclaimer: only relax if you used protection. if you did not, get her some Plan B ASAP, and then relax.]
 
Not everyone's 'First' time is 'Good', it's your first time your learn from it.
 
I was forced into it my first time at age 14, by an older girl. Forced as in did not want, explicitly stated that and my lack of consent, etc. (For anyone not aware, yes, I'm a male...it can happen.)

to be perfectly honest, I don't really give a shit. It was mildly unpleasant and un-nerving, but she did not physically hurt me and it was frankly just more retarded and silly seeming to me than traumatic. I left her place by giving her a hug, and burned a blunt on my way home. I was still her friend after.

First like consensual time? A month or so later. It was not stellar, but it was still pretty nice cause the girl was really affectionate and nice and fun to be with in general.
Then I was a bit of slut for some years. Had all kinds of depraved, wild sex with lots of people. Did all sorts of stuff, lots of MFF threesomes, kink, etc.

Then realized that to be honest... it's not fucking rocket surgery. It's not about secret little "techniques" or moves, or living up to a "bro" standard of what's "hot" I realized that of the MFF threesomes I had, I liked best the ones with these two really cool, smart, awesome girls that I loved and who where my friends. MFF threesomes with arbitrary people...meh, I could take or leave it. I realized that yes I did like kink, but again, I really liked it for it's psychological aspects with someone I loved (or was a FWB who was a genuine friend and not just a booty call).

As it is, the sex I have now is the best sex I've had in my life. Cause the girl I'm with is the one I love more than anyone before.

It might sound soft (but anyone who makes that sort of judgement is grade a asshole anyway) but sex will get waaaay better once it's with someone you love or at really like and think are dope as fuck. Don't feel bad over this incident. The loss of virginity is kind of meaningless and arbitrarily defined "event" anyway.
 
The alcohol hangover is probably making you feel terrible today.

Anyway, as long as you're safe and ensure you're safe from diseases then don't stress out. Your first time doesn't have to be all special and amazing and perfect.
 
Alcohol hangovers can put you in a depressed state of mind. Try to chill your head and go outside for a walk or something.

Everyone experiences that first time at some point. Usually, it's not that great. It gets better. I promise.
 
Losing your virginity to somebody special is an ideal best saved for American rom coms. A heavy percentage of people will pop their cherry in a sweaty, fumbling mess, which most people of experience wouldn't even call sex.

Take some confidence from it, turn it into a positive thing. You'll have more of an idea what you're doing next time, it might actually be fun !
 
My first time wasn't great... it gets better. Try not to get too down, the first time might seem like a big deal but it's really not. You'll have much better opportunities in the future.

By the way, the whole 'saving yourself' thing doesn't go over well with most people. Seems to be a religious thing (if you're religious then I apologize). People tend to value partners with sexual experience over virgins, despite what the mainstream media tries to portray.
 
Foreigner said:
Seems to be a religious thing (if you're religious then I apologize).
Click to expand...

Is it? Don't lots of people 'save themselves' for someone they're in love with or whatever? That's what I did (although I was also barely 15 so I clearly wasn't intent on saving myself that long) despite not being religious at all - was more because I was afraid I'd regret it if I didn't do it with the 'right' person. Which I suppose is the issue here OP but honestly as I said, although my first time went perfectly fine and I don't regret it, I've also almost completely forgotten about it and it really isn't any kidn of landmark for me. Mostly I was just kinda shit and had no idea what to do. Just take this as an incentive to be sure you're in the right environment/conditions next time.
And yeah as others have said you'll also most likely feel considerably better once the hangover's worn off.
 
Wait a day.. the alcohol hangover is contributing to your state of mind.

I've only really felt like this if i wasn't that attracted to the person, but went through with it due to been drunk.
 
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