bellexreve
Greenlighter
Hi, I'm Rêve or Reve whichever is easier to type =) I just turned 27 today. I'm a writer and a full-on nerd raised by Trekkie psychologists who also love video games ^_^ I'm passionate about literature and English, languages, the humanities...
Guess I'll just kind of lay things out because I'm in a tough situation: I became addicted to my prescription pain pills while I was at university, went to detox and rehab in 2013. Vowed to never touch an opiate again unless it was drastic circumstances (surgery/childbirth, etc).
Starting in November, I started having this intense, sharp pain in my side. I was stubborn and refused narcotics, even though the pain has been leaving me in a broken, weeping pile...
So eventually I gave in, started carefully taking hydrocodone/loratab. I'm back living with my family and they are very understanding and supportive- my mom and dad helped me use the medicine properly- and I really didn't feel like I was breaking my sobriety vow. I passed a gallstone, going to work and trying to live my life even though the pain was horrible- and then one day, I woke up and felt so much better. The pain was practically gone and I stopped taking the loratab. (The whole time I had had my mom hold onto it for me to avoid temptation.)
I could take this lower level of pain on my own. About a week or two passed with my life almost pain-free, only occasional intense flare ups. But I broke down. One night I was at a friend's house, we'll call her Mimi. She has medical marijuana for her M.S. pain. Marijuana is even legal for recreational use in my state. I was just so depressed, so exhausted from the pain- Mimi was so worried about me, she offered me some of her medical marijuana. I gave in. I wasn't in enough pain to rationalize this decision.
I took the marijuana she offered me because I was tired, upset- wanted to escape- the usual.
Did I lose my 3 years of sobriety? How could I have thrown it away so easily? My sobriety has been a huge purpose in my life. The accomplishment I'm most proud of and now it's gone. How could I have been so stupid I'm so angry with myself. I'm so depressed now.
And now, the pain has returned in full fury- but I have no real treatment for it. I can't sleep at night, it affects my function at work. My doctor has done so many tests that turned out to be dead-ends. Every time I eat something, the pain spikes.
Mimi and I talked about the marijuana-sharing incident. She said she didn't want to jeopardize my sobriety and asked how she could help me. I don't have an answer except "I don't want to do that again". It isn't Mimi's fault, it's mine. I know that.
But with the pain returned, I'm scared and compromised. To get through work today, I took a bunch of my gabapentin- 10 of my 800 mg tabs. I've done similar sh*t with my Valium
once. I haven't touched marijuana since, and Mimi is very supportive/helpful. But now marijuana is so tempting ugh
I'm really weak right now. I keep giving in because I don't see an end to this pain. I did A.A. in detox and after rehab. It's helped me before but I've just moved back home to Las Vegas from university so I don't really have any idea of which group to look into.
Even when I find one- how can I face them with my 3 year chip in my wallet when I'm not really sober any more? Do a few moments of weakness eradicate the years I dedicated to being sober?
Thank you for reading this far. I guess I really needed to get this out in a safe environment.
I would so appreciate any advise you could offer. My sobriety is gone and while I'm grieving for it, I'm in desperate search for any amount of pain relief.
I found this site earlier tonight when I realized I had taken 8,000mg of my gabapentin. I was scared that I had accidentally taken fatal dose to try to manage this pain. It was a wake up call.
I had a close friend in rehab who died of an overdose. I was devestated, and I don't want to accidentally follow suit just because I'm desperate for pain relief.
Do you know if this large dose of Gabapentin will hurt me? (It was (8,000mg at once.) It actually helped sooo much with my pain tonight but I did get a light, then heavier buzz. Now I'm all sleepy and kind of goofy in a good way.
I've lost my sobriety >.< What do I do? Is this dose of gabapentin going to hurt me?
Guess I'll just kind of lay things out because I'm in a tough situation: I became addicted to my prescription pain pills while I was at university, went to detox and rehab in 2013. Vowed to never touch an opiate again unless it was drastic circumstances (surgery/childbirth, etc).
Starting in November, I started having this intense, sharp pain in my side. I was stubborn and refused narcotics, even though the pain has been leaving me in a broken, weeping pile...
So eventually I gave in, started carefully taking hydrocodone/loratab. I'm back living with my family and they are very understanding and supportive- my mom and dad helped me use the medicine properly- and I really didn't feel like I was breaking my sobriety vow. I passed a gallstone, going to work and trying to live my life even though the pain was horrible- and then one day, I woke up and felt so much better. The pain was practically gone and I stopped taking the loratab. (The whole time I had had my mom hold onto it for me to avoid temptation.)
I could take this lower level of pain on my own. About a week or two passed with my life almost pain-free, only occasional intense flare ups. But I broke down. One night I was at a friend's house, we'll call her Mimi. She has medical marijuana for her M.S. pain. Marijuana is even legal for recreational use in my state. I was just so depressed, so exhausted from the pain- Mimi was so worried about me, she offered me some of her medical marijuana. I gave in. I wasn't in enough pain to rationalize this decision.
I took the marijuana she offered me because I was tired, upset- wanted to escape- the usual.
Did I lose my 3 years of sobriety? How could I have thrown it away so easily? My sobriety has been a huge purpose in my life. The accomplishment I'm most proud of and now it's gone. How could I have been so stupid I'm so angry with myself. I'm so depressed now.
And now, the pain has returned in full fury- but I have no real treatment for it. I can't sleep at night, it affects my function at work. My doctor has done so many tests that turned out to be dead-ends. Every time I eat something, the pain spikes.
Mimi and I talked about the marijuana-sharing incident. She said she didn't want to jeopardize my sobriety and asked how she could help me. I don't have an answer except "I don't want to do that again". It isn't Mimi's fault, it's mine. I know that.
But with the pain returned, I'm scared and compromised. To get through work today, I took a bunch of my gabapentin- 10 of my 800 mg tabs. I've done similar sh*t with my Valium
once. I haven't touched marijuana since, and Mimi is very supportive/helpful. But now marijuana is so tempting ugh
I'm really weak right now. I keep giving in because I don't see an end to this pain. I did A.A. in detox and after rehab. It's helped me before but I've just moved back home to Las Vegas from university so I don't really have any idea of which group to look into.
Even when I find one- how can I face them with my 3 year chip in my wallet when I'm not really sober any more? Do a few moments of weakness eradicate the years I dedicated to being sober?
Thank you for reading this far. I guess I really needed to get this out in a safe environment.
I would so appreciate any advise you could offer. My sobriety is gone and while I'm grieving for it, I'm in desperate search for any amount of pain relief.
I found this site earlier tonight when I realized I had taken 8,000mg of my gabapentin. I was scared that I had accidentally taken fatal dose to try to manage this pain. It was a wake up call.
I had a close friend in rehab who died of an overdose. I was devestated, and I don't want to accidentally follow suit just because I'm desperate for pain relief.
Do you know if this large dose of Gabapentin will hurt me? (It was (8,000mg at once.) It actually helped sooo much with my pain tonight but I did get a light, then heavier buzz. Now I'm all sleepy and kind of goofy in a good way.
I've lost my sobriety >.< What do I do? Is this dose of gabapentin going to hurt me?
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