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Lost my brother on Friday

N

Noddy McScratch

Greenlighter
Joined
Nov 10, 2010
Messages
9
This is going to be a depressing read, so if you're of a sensistive disposition I suggest you skip it. I had to post it somewhere and I remembered reading suicide stories here in the past. I just have to talk about it. Sorry.

So my mum calls me and says that he's not answering and that she can't get into his room. I go round and try the door, knock really hard and, still not getting an answer, try kicking it down. It won't budge because he's barricaded it with his sofa - he obviously didn't want any of us to find him and just expected us to ring the emergency services. Dickhead, I would've punched through his wall to get in there with my bare knuckles.

Anyway, he hung himself in the cupboard space built into his wall next to the bathroom. I guess he forgot that it's an airing cupboard - with a crawlspace leading out of his room and into the wall next to the toilet. So I swung myself into, shimmied along the crawlspace and was confronted by him hanging there; little toungue hanging out of his mouth and his eyes glassy like a dolls. I let out an animal cry I didn't recognise coming from myself and went out to hug my mum (who's in fucking hysterics by now, as you can imagine).

The emergency services handled it really well. You can tell they've undergone training and it's paid off fantastically. All credit to them.

I just want to tell people not to kill themselves, it's so devastating to everyone who knows you. Just ring someone and let them deal with it, please. Just pretend you're a dependent; let someone else feed and dress you if need be, just don't kill yourself. It'll hurt those who know you so much, so unbelievably fucking much. They won't hold it against you if you do - they will understand - but they'll be racked by grief for the rest of their lives, and I don't think that even the world's greatest sadist would wish that on anyone.

Anyway, that's me. Thank you for letting me get that off my chest.

I miss you, Max.
 
R.I.P. Max.. That's just horrible, I hope ur getting thru it alright, I've had suicidal thoughts but I always think about how the people who love me would feel afterward.
 
Noddy McScratch I am so so sorry to hear this. I am crying for your loss. It is such a tragedy when anyone dies but it's so much harder for the loved ones left behind when it's by their own hand.

What you've been through, being the first to see his body, is an extremely confronting and traumatic thing so if you feel like you need some counselling to help process the shock, please don't hesitate to seek help.

I hope that with time it gets easier for you and your family to cope with this awful loss. For the timebeing, please, as OD said, feel free to PM any of us Dark Side moderators if you need to talk/vent/rant/whatever. Let the emotions come, and don't be afraid to reach out for help if you need it.

RIP Max <3
 
Hey Man. How are you dealing with whole thing? Thats sounds like it was horrible. I cannot imagine finding a loved family member like you found your brother. We are hear to love and support you bro. Vent all you need. Shoot me a PM about anything you need... OUR LOVE, PRAYERS AND THOUGHTS ARE WITH YOU AND YOUR FAMILY DURING THIS TIME OF NEED.
 
Noddy, I am so sorry for your loss. Thank you for opening up and sharing that with everyone... its a very important message you are sharing, and it applies to a lot of people here. I'm sure (or hope) it will cause at least one person to reconsider if they are contemplating a similar decision.

My heart truly goes out to you and your family. I hope you consider seeking help if you feel you need it... possibly even if you dont... that kind of trauma might leave more scars than are first realized. I'll reflect what others have said, if you ever want to talk, we are all here for you. Dont be afraid to message any of us.

Thank you again for sharing your message. May your brother rest in peace. <3
 
Oh no, I'm praying for your family now. My dad's brother committed suicide and it has devastated two generations of our family. I hope and pray you can draw close together and gain support and strength from the faith in each other. <3

Please check back in with us sometime, there is pitifully little we can do to aid your family at this time, but I hope there might be at least comforting ears and hearts here for you.
 
Noddy, thank you 4 sharing this with us. I wish 4 such love + healing 4 u + ur family. Please continue 2 let others b there 4 u. Love + light b with u.
 
Noddy, I'm very sorry for your loss...as well as you OD <3

This is the right forum for you Noddy, you will find tons of support from these moderators, they're the best. I've had some major losses in my life, but it was through illness, not suicide. Thank you for sharing your story with us. May your brother rest in peace <3
 
Really sorry to hear about your loss - people often think that by taking their own lives is an 'easy' way out or sadle the 'only' way out. It's not and there is always something more that can be done for them before taking their own life.

My heart goes out to you and your family during these hard times.

Take care
Bear x
 
I'm so sorry this happened Noddy. My sister overdosed in 1995 and sometimes I think about her and what could have been. Her daughter was just 5 at the time. It doesn't make sense and our family hasn't been the same since. Right now this must be such a shock to you and your family. Don't be afraid to seek counselling, though you may not be ready right this minute. Just know that people care. I really feel your pain sweetheart and have no good advice how to get through this. Just try to be there for your family and this could bring you closer together. Love never really dies, remember this. Sending you hugs, theresa <3
 
I am sorry for your brother and I hope you and your family can mourn in peace.

This must have been the last thing you would have expected to have to do in your life, and I am sure it has changed how you feel drastically. Try not to let it start to work your mind in a negative direction. Try to stay positive, and remember how much love you have for your family.

There are others dealing with the same type of grief you are, no matter the circumstances. I hope that if it would help, you could talk to them here in this thread, or any other applicable one.
 
RIP Max,
OP im glad you know how to handle your shit and you hugged ur mom soon as you saw her. im sure that helped calm her down.

thanks for posting this, cause next time i get a suicidal thought, ill take a look at this thread and then see how i feel.

Much Love,
-nick
 
That is awful. I can't conceive of how strongly this must be affecting you at the moment, and I'd suggest seeing a professional - others have mentioned this throughout the thread anyway - as well as perhaps using your remaining family members, as well as a boyfriend or girlfriend, to help you get through it.

We've all lost people, those who frequent this place, but your story is truly chilling and awful; crawling through a vent to come face to face with him hanging there? You're right to serve a warning to those considering this entirely unpleasant act - that of suicide - and I appreciate that even whilst filled with grief you're capable of offering up such a warning!

I've heard and read of how it's seen differently in other cultures, particularly the Japanese. They have an incredibly high suicide rate of around (and over!) 30% in some areas, and rail companies apparently demand compensation from the families of those who've thrown themselves in front of express trains! Rightly so, but because of their culture, this is what they've wrought upon themselves... A waste of life.

In some ideal world that exists only in my head, and doubtlessly not only my head, people would not be driven into such a dark corner where there is only one fatal exit; I don't believe in it and I don't consider it right for those left behind to blame themselves. Please do not blame yourself for this, even if you'd noticed strange behaviour on his part; noone really tends to expect the worst like that.

I hope, truly, that you and your mother might be able to find some peace after this: you'll need to be strong to help her. May your brother rest in peace, for that which was tormenting him can no longer hurt hin. I'm so very sorry.
 
Wow, thank you for sharing, I bet it was rough. My condolences to you and your family, and may the healing process be well/speedy for you!
 
My heart goes out to you and your family. :( im so sorry man. suicide is fucked up.

its a fucked up place to be, i can tell you. when your there, you cant think of anything else no matter what, even though you know its wrong to think that way. ive been there quite a few times, and luckily my boyfriend was there. its so fucked up how your mind can bring you somewhere so dark.

be strong man.
 
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