Hi guys. Sitting tight. Holding on. Cravings are such a bitch!! I know after a month they get better. I love living in Florida but I hate how easy it is to get pills. FUCK. Sometimes the cravings get so bad all I can do is cry. Is there anything I can take (non narcotic/herbal) to get my brain back because this shit is nuts. It's like I have a demanding boss screaming at me from inside my own head. And I have this fucking connection blowing up my phone and Facebook, telling me he's got Percs. Jesus, help me !!! He won't stop because when he gets me some, I buy him some too. My guess is he's prob sick and I get it but damn, dude! I'm doing this for me and my 3 beautiful babies. I'm a stay at home mom and I love my job. I starred using again almost a year ago, last July. I have a tmj disorder and got some hydro then one of my husbands workers told me he can get me Percs and it just went on and on from there. I would up snorting blues. FUCK! I had 10 years clean from heroin and an mmtp. Never looked back, was so happy. Had 3 babies in 3 years. Had a great life. More than I ever dreamed of. My hubby is so amazing. He doesn't use. Only smokes weed. He is so supportive but doesn't really get addiction. I moved to Scotland 8 months ago. Codeine is OTC and I talked the doc into 400 50 mg tramadol / month. Shitty drugs but they don't really prescribe anything else there. Anyways. I kept usi g. Kicked the tramadol, that was hell. Comparable to methadone. But now we moved back home. My tmj is such thati can easily get hydrocodone from a dds for it. Which I have now, 3x. And I still have that perc guy. So today is the last day of this bullshit taper I made That I didn't stick too. So I'm out and I don't want more. I just want me back. I want my clean sober life back. There is nothing better than feeling good for no damn reason and waking up feeli t good with no narcotics. I want that again. Thanks for letting me get this out. It's like a dirty secret and I have to get it off my chest. Im going to be lurking around here and posting a lot. I know we all can do this. Life is too good to waste it like this. I don't want to look back a decade from now, when my kids are teenagers and have all theses regrets. God help me.