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Lost in deep thought(new thoughts added daily)

and what if there is nothing else?will it really make a difference to you if there is nothing after you die?if you simply cease to exist will it make you live your life differently? if the answer is no then it doesnt matter,you might as well stop asking the question,BUT if the answer is yes then it makes all the world of difference. youve at least realised something that most people dont realise ever,that they are temporary! most people travel through life acting as if theyre imortal,as if they have all the time in the world to get things done but the truth is you could die in five minutes or five seconds or right now,theres no time to sit around stressing about "what would happen if....." "I should ask him/her out but Im too scared...." "one day Ill tell him/her what I really think..." THERE IS NO TIME FOR THAT!!!! if you want to ask someone out DO IT,it you want to tell someone you love them DO IT!! theres no time to be scared of these things coz soon you or they may die and then youll never know what might have been,and NOTHING hurts more than constantly wondering what might have been.
Wow Im being unusually serious for one of your posts :) anyway this is a part of a song that I meant to post for you ages ago when I read about how your family disowned you coz of being wiccan but I forgot to put it up then so Ill do it now :)
most of "The Thin Ice" by Pink Floyd
If you should go skating
on the thin ice of modern life
dragging behind you the silent reproach
of a million tear stained eyes
dont be surprised when a crack in the ice
appears under your feet
you slip out of your depth and out of your mind
with your fear floating out behind you
as you claw the thin ice
So dear,theres no point worrying about what other people think,they can only hurt you if you let them :) do me a favor and read some books by Carlos Castaneda and Richard Bach they both have views on life similar to mine....wow this is nearly as long as one of your posts ;)
luv ya dear :)
 
Its really hard for me to think....I cant really breath let alone think but I might as well try a lil bit....On sunday night I was taken to the ER....I think its just time I admited something to my self......I think I may be anerexic again :( I dont know what to do..on saturday night something happened and all of a sudden my heart was pounding,i could hardly breath and i had no clue what was going on........I hadnt slept or ate in 4 days,only drank water and taken caffine pills....well it happened again on sunday and my dad took me to the ER.....these past few days have been the most scariest days in my entire life....I dont know what is wrong with me......But for some reason the out-of-mind feelin wont go away..it feels like im not really here,like im dead,just a sprit.....like out of body type shit......im so afraid....I have been havin head achs fr months,havent slept much,had bloody noses,and rarely eat because of low self esteme.....well it all finally caught up to me and i dont know if i can go threw all of this...I have been threw all of this before but this time its really serious.....im sooooooooooooooo scared :( all i can think about is"what if i had died" or"what am i thinking,why am i doing this to myself" and"whats going to happen to me?whats wrong with me"well i dont have much enegry at the moment.......ill continue this later
 
I know this sounds like obvious advice but youre a smart girl,eat and stop taking caffine pills,no matter how bad you think food makes you look you have to eat and the spaced out spirity feeling is coz of not sleeping so jsut dont take the caffine pills,throw them away and dont buy any more,you may find it unpleasent but its for the best,drastic times call for drastic measures so just bite the bullet(or the burrito :) )and eat and get some sleep. well you know where to write to if you need to vent I hope things work out.youre in my thoughts dear.luv ant
 
I'm back people,did yall miss me?hehehe,my comp has been down for a lil bit but now I'm baaaaaaaaaaaack,hehehehehe
Ok I've had alot on my mind lately,things such as where will I be ten years from now,will I even be alive?I'm kinda terified of the future more then ever because of all the helth issues,but tankfully I am pretty much back to normal,theres the occasional attack but thats it........
I dont know how much longer I can stay in parties at the moment.....
I want to stay forever but that is unrealistic....
I was arrested last saturday at a party in columbus for being out past some curfew that I wasnt even aware of,the worst part is my dad had to drive over two hours to come and pick me up because the cops wouldnt let me go home with my friends.....::sigh::i cant stand any athority figure in todays world,they all make us party kids look like druggies and sex addicts who like to fuck djs just for a line of coke....well ya ok some people do fuck djs for a line of coke::lmmfao"::but not all of us....I know I sure as fuck dont,thats just fuckin nasty........
I'm drug free,well ok i take a lil caffine here and there but that dont count,and I'm not a whore,neither are any of the party kids that I hang out with for the most part are,its sad how the media took something so beautiful and totaly destroyed it.....hey took somethingabout having fun,dancing,and just trying to get away from the world and twisted it all around and made it look like its all about sex,violance,and drugs.....
FUCK THE MEDIA FUCK THE POLICE AND FUCK EVERYONE WHO HAS A PROBLEM WITH WHAT I AM SAYING HERE
::lmao::
ahhhhhhhhhh boredom kills,nothing to do till the party tomorrow night:/grrrrr
think I'm about to prank phone call my ex's :D lmao,jk,
now back to my thoughts::lmao::
I am getting sick of labels,everyone labels everyone these days,i find it to be so fuckin retarded.......for exampel
I have been labeled by many of my friends as a "jaded jungilist"
come on now,me?jaded?
or people saying all candy kids r druggies,or sayin all jungilists are tweekers,that we "ravers"are bad,labels label labels EVERY WHERE
ahhhhhhhhhh
preps
jocks
geeks
goths
freaks
alternatives
candy kids
jungilists
d n b babies
pretty
ugly
smart
stupid
fast
slow
ITS SO FUCKING STUPIDDDDDDDDDDDD
guess what world
come on FUCKIN GUESS
I AM JUST ME,DONT LABEL ME WITH ANYTHING BUT MY PARTY KID NAME OR MY REALL NAME
IM SARAH DAMNIT
DONT LABEL ME
why do people even fuckin bother with labels?
fuckin pisses me off sooooooo badly,I mean theres no point in them other than to judge others who think they are better.......NO ONE IS BETTER THAN ANYONE SO GET THE FUCK OVER IT
ok I'm dont for now but I'll be back :D lmao
::HUGS::
 
Most people tend to generalise far too often, and labels are a convenient way of categorising those generalisations.
Combine generalisation with judgementalism (is that a word? :) ) and you get someone who can't come to terms with the fact that they can't know everything, can't understand everything, yet believe they know a lot more than they do and use labels and generalisations to try to hide their ignorance...
If they see someone in Khandi gear dancing to some HappyHardCore, they'll automatically label them as a KhandiKid and look down their nose at them, calling them a drug-fucked e-tard...
...But what if that person they labelled was hanging out with friends one night, friends who liked HappyHardCore and invited them out, but they didn't really care either way but went along just for fun... What if that person didn't have any Khandi clothes of their own so they borrowed a friends? What if they didn't take drugs at all but still love dancing and having a good time? ...They may look like a typical KhandiKid, but in reality they're not at all, at least not in the way the judgemental onlooker thinks...
My thought for the day, hope you don't mind me using your thread to express it Sarah :)
 
I'm so lost this time,worse then ever befor,I'm caught between so many things at the moment and I need to vent....so I camme to my good old thread.....hehehe
valentines day is coming up...and welll ahhhhhhhhhh I am caught between two diffrent guys....
one of them is kinda sweet,hes a total hottie as well(even though i dont reall go fo looks)and he likes me,hes been askin me out but for some reason I just dont like him that way....::shrug::
then theres the guy that I DO like....hes so fuckin funny,cool as hell,and hes actually MY TYPE,but the sad tying is I'm to much of a pussy to tell him that I like him :(
ahhhhhhhhhhhh I just dont know what to do...
and somehting has been really pissin me off lately......
this is a post i made on a local party kid board..
::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
Ok I have been hearing alot of this bull shit like people say"14-15 year old girls have no bissnuess being at partys"or"they are there to do things their bodies cant handle"or"all they whana do is go get fucked up and they never tell their parents where they are"
well to all those who keep saying this shit..heres what I have to say on the subject.....
doing things our bodies cant handle....so are you saying that all 14-15 year old party girls are druggies?WRONGGGGG!
I'm 15,and a STRAIGHT EDGE party kid,my father KNOWS I go to parties,and so do the parents of my friends,carry around a celly for incase
He knows I party,my friends and family do,but they also know that I'm not stupid enough to waste my life on drugs,they know that I have an adult with me(yes I have an adlut with me at every party)
so just because a few fucked up why does everyone have to stereotype all of the minors that party?
and another thing.....alot of people who have been in the scene for along time seem to forget that YES most of them were doing the SAME THING when they were my age,going to parties and dancing their asses off.....nearly everyone that I have met in parties started going to them between the ages of 14-16.....at some point we were all"newbies"and at some point in time ALOT of you were YES 15 year old party kids......
so dont dis all of us just because of a few lil kids goin there just to get fucked up.....I know many people who are my age who dont go to parties to get shit faced......I know for sure my best friends Gloworm n Fidgit(who are 15)dont go to get fucked up....because I have gone to all the parties they have gone to except their first one.......
I'm not trying to start any form of drama or n e thing here but COME ON!!
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
now that I have got all that out I think I'm gettin off of here and readin up on some shit......
peaceeeeeeeeeeeeeee
 
ahhhhh being too much of a wimp to tell someone you like them.... I know all about how that feels.just tell him, itll make you feel better,unless of course he laughes at you and thatll make you feel worse...sorry not much help in that advice is there. see Im lucky in that when Im too scared to say things like that I just get realllllly drunk around the person and then acsidentally/on purpose let it slip that I like them, then if everything goes ok "YES!!" and if it doesnt I can blame it on the alcohol :) ahhh well I guess thats not an option for yo though.lmao.Ive never liked valentines day (Im a bitter and twisted individual when it comes to love lol) so i just ignore it. luv ya dear
ps if theres missing spaces where words should be in here its coz the computers gone all politically correct on me and wont let me use certain words,it gets relly irritating
[ 04 February 2002: Message edited by: harraser ]
 
Likw WOW I totaly stpoed posting on this thread for a lil whle....Well I'm back kiddies because I have alot on my mind at the present time...at tis moment i can do nothing but think and its usualy earier for me to understand things once I have typed em out :)
well guess what!!!!I found my new vinyls....Alogh YES I am a Junglist....I have decided to spin Happy Hardcore...For a few reasons
Now my reasons sound rather cheesey but work wiff me here ;)
I was brought into this scene listening ti happy hardcore because all my friends that brought me in where candy kids....when ever I hear a hhc song it reminds me of when I was a "baby raver"before I knew jack shit about all the drama and all the bull shit that goes down...before I saw people dying on drugs...Before I even knew who was spinning behind the dex....I was un enlightened of all the aweful things that can and do often happen....hell I didnt even know there was drama in the scene untill I had been in it a good three months....
Reason two-I love my friends...and hhc seems to be a good way to tell them that..I have always expressed my self threw music and writing...as far back as I can remember.....I cant wait till the day that I tell them about to DJing thing...But I dont want to tell them untill I have some shit worked out....I cant wait to see them dance......
True I dont like alot of the things that SOME candy kds do...But I REFUSE to judge them all because of the ignorat things that some have done.
I think about it this way...If I judge them then I would have to judge everyone...and I of all people have no bisneuss judging anyone because I too have made my mistakes in the past...Im just so sick of evertyone refering to them and happy lil Etards....I know MANY sober candy kids and I love em with all my heart....
I can remeber the first time I REALLY payed ANY attn. to a dj....it wasnet all that long ago either...I did it because I knew then that that is what I wanted to do.....Hids name is christopher owens...a local happy hardcore dj...Since I saw that set I have wanted to spin like no other....
Ok im just rambeling on here...Well its time I said something else
I have a PASSION and TRUE LOVE for the scene....for the music...dancing...the people....for it all....It was my friends that brought me into it...and its the people,music,and dancing that bring me back...
now back to something else....there are a few songs that i plan on spinning asap....ONE says how my life is going now....I SWEAR its one of the few HHC songs that kinda hit my heart....Mainly because it says what i am going threw right now....The song has 0 beat to it...BUT the LYRICS...omg sooooo speak to me...Ok now I know there will be a typo in here or two but bare with me because I gotta type this out as I listen to it ;)
"When all my friends around me say
That I should turn and walk away
Like a fool I can't give in
I play the game I can not win
I just close my eyes and dream
That u will say those words to me
Baby I promise ur as god my witness,
I will love u til the day that I die
Or when the stars fall from the sky
Or when the ocenas all run dry
I know that feeling just wont step by
And in the morning when you wake
I'll be watching every step that you might make
Even though you make me cry
I will love you til the day that I die"
And when I heard this song i was amased...because thats what is in my life at the present time...My friends have been like"Just FORGET HIM,he sooo ISNT worth you tears baby doll"and no matter HOW HARD I try to forget him......I CANT......kinda sad in a way :( .........Last nite I BLASTED this song on my raido and ran around my room singing along...heheheh who knew I could love a simple song so much?LMMFAO
So ya......I am having trouble with him at the moment....everyone wants me to leave and forget him...But I cant...He makes me cry....But I cant help but care about to mofo,lol
well Im going to add on to this in a lil bit but I have to get off of the computer because someone is bout to call me...YAYS
 
Today is Easter....Its a hard day for me bacause I remember all the times when my family was still together....Now I sit at home alone because i dont celebrate Easter....I'm Wiccan as most of you know.....
I just had a kind of a flash back to when I was four....See I only have ever had any form of"bond"with two people in my family...my daddie....and my grandpa....When I was four years old....and I awakoe from my bed and couldnt wait to get muh easter basket just like most kids that age...My mommie told me my grandpa was in the hospital and we where going to celebrate it when he got home which was suppsed to be some time that week......Grandpa never came home :( the next time I saw him was at the funeral home....I was the only person there that cried...I then knew when I saw him in that coffin that I would never have papa,as I called him,..that muh papa was never coming home....That was the first time in my life I had encountered death and its so depressing...I still miss him because as I said I only ever had any form of bodn with two people in my family....now all I have is one and I am slowly losing it because the fact tha I convereted and because we are slowly growing apart.......
 
:( I lost my grandpa a while ago...I hadnt seen him in ten years but it still sorta shocked me...*shrugs* :(
 
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