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Lost in a viscous cycle.

Caliscum95

Caliscum95

Greenlighter
Joined
May 28, 2014
Messages
14
Location
California
I'm wondering what it's like to be 'normal' or what you have to do to be normal. My life is confusing and hard for even me to understand what's going on with myself. It feels like I'm stuck In between life and a disclosed dimension that is unknown. Maybe I'm mentally ill? But yet I know I'm not. I've done a lot of drugs, had horrible parents blah blah blah the usual sad young teenage story but I don't know if that's the problem with my current live that I live. Maybe the answer to my unknown question was told to me a few weeks ago when my mother told me I'm a crack baby. Supposedly my father smoked a shit ton back in the day when he got my mother prego? I'm just talking cause I'm new to this.. I don't know...
 
Here lately I've been wondering the same thing. I've been abusing drugs since I was 13, and at 15 diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder. Throughout this entire time it's like I can not find normalcy that other people have found. Even when sober, and I think that one of the reasons that leads me back. But for me it's so tiring. I get clean , then ... My bipolar acts up, and I'm in a manic episode . Back n forth. So maybe you should go see a psych. Maybe u do have some kind of underlying disorder. Never know.
Hope things get better !!!!
 
I've been in a psych hospital for 5 months and was cleared. The mind works in misterious ways and I hope to understand why. Drugs help though, the good ones;) Thanks for the reply!
 
NOrmal??? Fuck that outlook. You need to accept yourself first and never ever stray from what you enjoy. Too many people are sheeple. I inject shit and I am without shame or regret. I endulge in it and enjoy it. So don't even worry about all that shit. Despite wjat your mom told you, don't assume you're fucked up in any way. You'd have to see a specialist if you really did feel handicapped in any way.
 
Being normal sounds like it would suck. I recently have tried to move away from thinking about how my mind works. When I try to analyze my mental processes it just fucks with my head worse than it already is.

You can wonder all you want. was it drugs that caused me to feel this way? am I inherently fucked in the head? We have all thought we were fucked up at one point. Some will wonder for their whole life, sometimes all you can do is accept it.
 
SB1981 said:
I inject shit and I am without shame or regret. I endulge in it and enjoy it.
Click to expand...

Untill you end up dead or worthless. If you really dont believe you have a future, than go ahead.
I think it's your right, but that point of view is one that is not sustainable.
 
SB1981 said:
NOrmal??? Fuck that outlook. You need to accept yourself first and never ever stray from what you enjoy. Too many people are sheeple. I inject shit and I am without shame or regret. I endulge in it and enjoy it. So don't even worry about all that shit. Despite wjat your mom told you, don't assume you're fucked up in any way. You'd have to see a specialist if you really did feel handicapped in any way.
Click to expand...

I totally agree. I don't inject stuff I do pills only but don't let society's hypocritical values get to your head. Just be yourself and do what is right for you, be yourself.
 
SB1981 said:
NOrmal??? Fuck that outlook. You need to accept yourself first and never ever stray from what you enjoy. Too many people are sheeple. I inject shit and I am without shame or regret. I endulge in it and enjoy it. So don't even worry about all that shit. Despite wjat your mom told you, don't assume you're fucked up in any way. You'd have to see a specialist if you really did feel handicapped in any way.
Click to expand...

I have to agree with the gist of that response. Society's based on fear and people who are sheeple would do anything to live by society's norms including "being normal," which really doesn't do anything but make people stray from who they are in order to fit in because they'd rather be accepted by society than be accepted by themselves.

Fuck that fear, though. Forget about being "like everyone else" and focus on being yourself. Only you can define that. And subsequently, it's up to you whether or not you accept it. I spent years (since I was 15--high school years) in mental turmoil because I thought I wasn't normal; I thought I wasn't like everyone else and I spent years letting it feed my depression. I wasted time wondering how I can be like others rather than accepting who I was and letting myself grow. I know I'm different, and frankly, now, I don't give a fuck what other people think. They can waste their time focusing on how I'm different; they can waste their time jeering at me because I'm not the same as their plastic selves...it doesn't negatively affect me whatsoever.

You need to find your inner sense of self. The best part is that it's all up to you. The downside to drugs (based on experience) is that they could probably be clouding that ability to see it. Depression would obviously make it worse. Maybe take some time off and see where your life takes you? Don't let what your mom told you--don't let what anybody labels you as define who you are. That's not their call.
 
I mean, at the end of the day.. what is "normal"? Don't define yourself or what you should be doing, based on what you think other peoples lives are, or what society says you are supposed to do. The real question, the only important question, is are you happy? And only you can genuinely answer that.

It's not about being "normal". It's about being honestly content with your life and accepting of where you are and finding some joy and happiness in it. Don't try and be normal, or you'll just be miserable. There is no "normal". Everyone has their demons, their issues, their shit. Things aren't what they seem, and there is no checklist out there of all the things you have to be and do to qualify as normal.

Just be happy and enjoy your life.
 
^great responses guys specially Mr Scagnattie.

I have always been told that I was not normal, specially in high school, I had a different outlook in life, I liked different things, listen to a different music so the girls in my school bullied me for being different. I self-loathed and saw myself as an ugly creature who should have never been born. Fast-forward after so many years, I am doing better than most of them. Karma or because I had a different outlook? See, sometimes being different or "not normal" as what society says is much better, you will have a different way of perceiving things, make a better decision than anyone in society who follows the norm too much and will probably be successful than most of them.
 
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