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Lost Control on LSD

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PaupersOttersAuditor

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Dec 17, 2019
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Hey all, first post here so be gentle :). I don’t think this qualifies as a trip report so I’m just putting it here.

Around the beginning of November I took 400µg of LSD. This was my third trip, the first two were around 175µg. Both of those times were lovely, relatively easy trips with some cool visuals, amazing experiences listening to music, intimacy with my wife (she tripped with me the second time), etc. More or less what it seems most people get from an acid trip, at least as much as something so personal can generalize.

The larger dose, however, really messed me up. This was a different batch than the first trip, but passed an Enrlich test as LSD. Setting was my apartment during a weekend, and I was in a normal, healthy state of mind as far as I know. No prior history or family history of severe mental illness. The come up was very nice, if a bit intense. However, by the time things began to peak I was barely in control of myself. By the time I peaked, I wasn’t actually in control of my body anymore, and it was like watching a play through my eyes. I had no real access to my body, and it felt like someone else was in control of me. Sometimes I was there, watching, and other times I lost time and “blacked out” for long periods (20-30 mins) while my subconscious continued to move my body. During this time I apparently engaged in some bizarre and repetitive behaviors (being enamored with my penis, continuously walking up and down the stairs 20 or 30 times in a row, talking to myself, opening and closing the fridge). At some point, I tried to go outside (in my boxers) and this was worrying enough for my wife (trip sitter) to have to eventually restrain me until I stopped peaking and slept off the rest of the trip after throwing up. Again, I was rarely actually in control of myself during this trip. During the times I was, I was very judgement impaired, but it was still me. The other times I was either just watching or “blacked out”.

The strangest part of this for me was that almost everything that happened during my trip was something I had previously experienced while dreaming, sometimes from dreams from years ago I had totally forgotten. Not in a “I had a premonition of what would happen” way, more like a “I had to live out dreams/nightmares for a few hours” way. It was a profound experience in some sense, but mostly confusing and scary for both myself and my trip sitter as she was quite worried about me overpowering her (we’ve talked this through since then).

Since then I’ve had persistent (though decreasingly frequent and less intense) bouts of extreme Deja Vu, where I’m faced with a nearly crippling feeling of “I’ve been here in a million past lives,” especially if I smoke weed. A few weeks backed I tried 50µg of this same acid and it was fine during the peak, but that same Deja Vu hit hard during the come down and made me really uncomfortable and anxious and definitely killed the vibe. Since then I’ve laid off all substances expect caffeine and started journaling every night, that’s definitely helped.

Has anyone else experienced this “losing agency” during an acid trip? Is this was people mean by ego death? If I took a similar dose again, is the same deal likely to happen? Thanks for reading, I know it was kinda long and rambling, part of this post is looking for advice on how to proceed and part of this was just trying to get some stuff off my chest.
 
Hey, go easy on yourself. :) I had a friend that took a large dose with me and I witnessed pretty much what you posted. He lost control, did not know who he was, pulled down his pants, went outside at 2:00 AM naked and screaming who am I and I can do anything, sat at a piano and said he could be Mr whoever and what does it all mean, etc... He lost the plot. This is a guy that tripped before a lot. We were trying to figure out how to sedate him. He eventually fell asleep and came down to himself the next day. This was 1982 and he has successfully tripped many times after that to this day. Talking about it helped. He is a normal sane dude that lost it one night on too high of a dose but came back to laught at it. Going back into those states, 400 mics of acid is a lot man. Try 100-150 next time and surf it without getting wiped out.

You'll be fine man. I have seen drunks act worse. It's like they all channel that same asshole spirit after a certain point lol. But you never have to do that again and can be master of your ship. Whatever we do, sports, playing an instrument, or anything, we all lose control at times and get right back up to master the thing that just took us down. Make peace with it, let go of it, it is done, have Faith in yourself and for God sakes take less next time.
 
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Something very similar to me happened when I had (i suppose) ego loss on some mushrooms. In my unconscious state, i was pouring old drinks on my head, I got in the shower with my clothes on, pissed all over a toilet that was out of order, i even somehow managed to put on Netflix.

All of these were decisions that I wasn't consciously making, and like you said, I was almost watching myself do them and then I would black out and be in a different situation. Scarier than hell.
 
I’ve had this, too. The worst is not remembering parts of the trip; luckily, more like responsibly, your wife was there as a sitter and she knows the whole timeline. Missing chunks of time is not cool, but only happened to me once in my countless trips. Hang in there, try a microdose regime (or non-regime), if you’re up to dipping the toe back in again. Laugh at it, too; it’s not funny but it is, you know? I mean when we know we have pure lsd, we know we’re in fir it, but coming back eventually. I best you grew some brain cells that night, just takes a while to integrate the trip into your new world model.
Journalling is super good. Keep what you can from each trip and blend it into your way of being - if you like.
 
This is a very common reaction to strong doses of LSD among new users never up your max dose taken by more than 50 ug at a time. even 300 ug would of been to much for you. It is part of the ego death if its your first time or two having a ego death.

High doses of LSD can you make experince the impossible. living millions of lifetimes etc taking you out of the box free of ego.

Dont trip for a while and try come to terms with the experince and next time only take a small dose you will be extra sensestive to LSD after this trip.

People should only be taking 300 ug + doses once they experinced with LSD and have faced and overcome their inner demons in their mind before embarking on a spiritual trip through the multiverse.

I would recommend having 20 trips of around 200-300 ug over a two year period before embarking on a 400 ug trip again.
 
Thanks for the advice and encouragement, that definitely helps. I’ll probably wait until this Deja Vu shit is completely gone when I’m sober and then give 100 a go and see if I can’t have a more solid experience, and then slowly work my way up from there.
 
Agree, take it easy for some time with a break. That isnt uncommon at high doses but is more likely when dosing high without built up experience.

Have a break, dose lower when trying again if you feel you need too.
Of course, you could decide to not revisit too.
I had an incident on 2cb that although i coped with, i decided their and then to not take psychedelics ever again. I had done a lot of psychedelics prior to this but i was mid 20s and have honored that to this day. Many other drugs yes, psychedelics no. Because i did not like the effect on my mind that final time.
 
As others have said, you took a MUCH larger dose (400ug is a lot of LSD and will be far, far more intense than 175ug or even 300ug). That losing control thing I refer to as "losing the plot". This is something that happens from time to time with people at high dosages of psychedelics. It's not "normal", per se, in that it's possible to experience these things without losing control, too. When I think of ego loss, that is not what I think of, I think of the experience of becoming one with everything, "waking up" from your life into hyperspace, stuff like that, where you're also still in control or at least you're laying down unmoving or something, and having a deeply profound experience. But it's a pretty normal response to a very high dose when unprepared for that. Definitely wait until you're feeling good about it before you trip again, and go way lower, and work up, like you said. That's a good plan. :)
 
After doing some research on some DNM review boards, I’m definitely not convinced that the 175s I had before were all that. Other people noted that they were pleasant, easy trips, but didn’t seem to really be LSD, and certainly not 175ug of it. My wife did 100ug of the stuff that I took and agreed. Even the 50ug I took was different. This definitely gave me a sense of overconfidence to handle substances at that level. The stuff I have now is definitely much more reliable and legit, which explains why “doubling the dose and rounding up” kicked my ass up one side of the street and down the other instead of having a slightly more intense experience than last time. Oh well, live and learn, and definitely better to have made this mistake with some weak LSD (or some RC) than fent or something worse.
 
According to www.erowid.org; 400+ micrograms of LSD is a "Heavy" dose.

How do You know You took exactly that much?
 
Most experienced people and even Deadhead noobs know that 400 micrograms or less is a much forgiving and bearable trip. When it comes to LSD-25. :p
 
JackARoe said:
I had a friend that took a large dose with me and I witnessed pretty much what you posted. He lost control, did not know who he was, pulled down his pants, went outside at 2:00 AM naked and screaming who am I and I can do anything, sat at a piano and said he could be Mr whoever and what does it all mean, etc...
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this is me with the wrapping still on it, in case you want to return it for a gift card.
 
heatlessbbq said:
Most experienced people and even Deadhead noobs know that 400 micrograms or less is a much forgiving and bearable trip. When it comes to LSD-25. :p
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deadheads dont know much about lsd. they were strung out drug users who hits when tested by the DEA came out to a average of 35 ug per dose. anthing over 250 ug is a strong acid trip
 
TripSitterNZ said:
deadheads dont know much about lsd. they were strung out drug users who hits when tested by the DEA came out to a average of 35 ug per dose. anthing over 250 ug is a strong acid trip
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Yup, I know, been there done that. More than once.

I typically like the lighter ones but yeah ...
 
TripSitterNZ said:
deadheads dont know much about lsd. they were strung out drug users who hits when tested by the DEA came out to a average of 35 ug per dose. anthing over 250 ug is a strong acid trip
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People I knew in the 80's had blotters that were 250+ I had some from a friend that knew Owsley and had 500 mic blotters (wherever they came from). 1/4th of a blotter would have you there. But maybe inexperienced people had those light hits of 50 mics or less. I have been out of loop since 1995, so I don't know what the scene is today or if there even is a scene. But the Deadheads I knew were Golden back then. Only know a few now and they are Golden too. It is to diverse of a crowd to make a blanket statement.

I am all argued out on blanket statements from Ismene. :) We are all better that man, all of us.
 
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One thing to try with LSD if you want to decrease the mental effects and make it like the cleanest E you've ever experienced is to split the dose 20 mins apart. You won't be wanting to go outside in your bikini panties, you will be wanting to lay on the duvet and roll around groaning with pleasure.
 
JackARoe said:
People I knew in the 80's had blotters that were 250+ I had some from a friend that knew Owsley and had 500 mic blotters (wherever they came from). 1/4th of a blotter would have you there. But maybe inexperienced people had those light hits of 50 mics or less. I have been out of loop since 1995, so I don't know what the scene is today or if there even is a scene. But the Deadheads I knew were Golden back then. Only know a few now and they are Golden too. It is to diverse of a crowd to make a blanket statement.

I am all argued out on blanket statements from Ismene. :) We are all better that man, all of us.
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these days our average dose in my country is 250 ug on blotter some 500 ug + blotters can be found but are more uncommon. This half of a motocycle gang LSD i did once was very clean and had me tripping balls to the wall i suspect the full blotter might of been 550-600 ug.

Im talking about the deadheads in the early 90s. LSD went downhill starting in the 90s and early 2000s but has recovered in the past 3 years. I know 60 ug should induce medium OEVS and 100 ug full blown oev reality melt. DEA statistics for the 90s saw average blotters were 35-40 ug.
 
Yeah man just to echo what others have said don't beat yourself up. 400 micg is my highest dose and when I did not I had a psychotic break for 6 hours. I had no clue what was real and what wasn't or even that I'd taken a drug at one point. I literally thought the ambulance outside for something else was a SWAT team coming to arrest me. Don't ask me why I thought that, I was entirely delusional with every cognitive pathway I had tangled into a clusterfuck. I've experienced an ego death on a lower LSD dose and extreme ego loss on 5 g of mushrooms so I know how to "let go". Sometimes the substance is simply too much. I think too many self claimed "psychonauts" brag about their 10 strips as if they can somehow handle their shit better. No, you just take acid way too much and your mind is able to easily adapt to the trip because it's used to it. But really if your mind is used to tripping then it's pointless as the beauty of tripping is that it can take you out of the patterns your inevitable falls into, in my opinion
 
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