Suicide is alright if you don't leave misery behind in the wake of it. If there are family, close friends, etc, left to morn you, then you are a selfish cunt for having put the despair on them.
I disagree. You are attaching external environmental factors to something that is purely personal and internal.
So if a person has suffered 95% of their life with the most terrible form of depression possible, and want to commit sucide they become "selfish cunt" just for having a family?
You do realize that is completely irrational right?
So they should stay alive and suffer for the rest of their life just because they still have a mom and dad who loves them?
I do agree suicide is ok but ONLY for very specific circumstance. You shouldn't commit suicide just because you're going through a depressing time. But if you wake up 365 days a year wanting to die every single day than thats a different story.
For the OP, you have to detach your mind from the thoughts that are consuming you. Its hard to really sit down w/out a single thought in your mind and want to still die.
So you need to understand the role that thoughts alone have in leading people to suicide. You really have 2 options, control your thoughts, or take your life.
Option 1 should be the most obvious to try first. And you don't try by just sitting down one day and trying to clear your head. Get books on NLP, read books like "Blink" or "Emotional Intelligence" and become versed on the true role that though alone has on emotions.
So many depressed people get biologically/psychologically triggered into depression, which in turn effect their thoughts, and as long as their depressed they don't understand its their thoughts that are keeping the cycle going. Biology plays a role, but psychology can change biology in most circumstances, with the exception of schizophrenia, bipolar and other more genetic disorders. But depression is not as genetic as people think.
Your thought process is:
I suffer from anxiety, OCD, and depression and want to die.
You should reframe that to:
If I can get over my anxiety/OCD/depression I will become a MUCH stronger person, which will leave me better off than the avg person when I get older.
Which is 100% true. I dealt with horrific side effects from speed for *8* fucking years. I wanted to die at least everyday of my life for the first 3 years. But for whatever reason I became TOLERANT to the thoughts, and realized they were ONLY THOUGHTS.
I may have a thought, buts its really my actions that change my life.
With no hope at all in site, and having panic attacks nearly everyday even 7 years later, some very powerful force arose inside me and it didn't say "I wanna die because I have every logical reason in the world to do so", it said "I am sick and fucking tired of being a mere spectator in my own life, I will shake, sweat, and shit my pants everyday till I overcome these fears".
So many problems in life are directly related to our personal fears. Maybe you fear you will never be happy.. and that alone makes you depressed.
Maybe you fear you will never be calm around people and talkative, and that makes you antisocial and anxious.
If you didn't have those fears, how nervous would you get in public?
A fear is not overcome by suicide, it is overcome with the use of meds THAT WORK, and systematic desensitization.
Example:
My sophomore year in college I wound up walking out of 3 speeches having full flow panic attacks. 1 week before finals I swallowed 1200mg of phenobarbital (fatal dose is 1000mg for newbies) and 16mg of xanax.
I wound up in a psychward where I got PROPER treatment. Millions of questions were asked about my life everyday, almost 3 times a day. I've never been asked so many questions in my life.
It is NOTHING like rehab or going to see a shrink. Its a full out intensive quarantine on every aspect of your being. We figured out that 90% of my anxiety/panic attacks were being cause by my adrenal glands. And simple beta blockers basically saved my life. I also got on lexapro because the anxiety had made me depressed, but getting off the lex down the road I was fine as long as I had the inderal.
I started giving speeches at school and it was the most surreal experience of my life. The SAME stimuli that drove me to attempt suicide was the SAME EXACT stimuli that made me WANT TO LIVE more than anything in this world.
There IS another side to our fears, its called courage (read "Feel the fear and do it anyway", great book). There IS hope but to many people become apathetic and on meds. Meds are good, but I still believe the psychological aspect is the most important.
You CAN CHANGE your biology by the way you think, its been proven already. Have you ever tried beta blockers for you social anxiety? I will almost guarantee it goes away on inderal.
Its IMPOSSIBLE biologically to FEEL nervous around people on inderal. You can have a nervous thought, but when you realize your body doesn't feel anxious, the thoughts stop. So it can go both ways.
But you gotta fight the good fight man. When life throws you a curve ball you throw a curve ball back at life and tell it to eat shit. Awaken that surival instinct within that everyone has and USE it. Everyday wake up and fight, the effort alone will cause MASS changes in your thought process. I promise you. You just need to start doing different things, and I really think you can change your life.
Because I can tell you after 8 years of hell, for once I finally feel 100% stable. And I use to suffer from some of the most debilating disorders someone can have.
You know for 2 months straight at one point I didn't say ONE WORD? Thats how depressed I was. Now I look back about it and laugh, I fought for what I have, and it was MORE than worth it. You can do the same, you just can't let it get to you bro.