ive been with at a loss of words or voice for so long. i have no idea what to do or how to operate under these conditions. hes gone....what do i do now?
"stupid staceface"
it plagues me
his last words
i loved him more than he would ever fucking know and it kills me.
the god father of my child
my daughters fathers best friend
he introduced us
god dammit it has no words
noah....fucking noah
i loved chris...i still do but you were my first love and you fucking knew it, didnt you?
asshole.
such an asshole.
holding you that last time....we built that fire...you kissed me and it was god damn everything i ever wanted. you fucked it up didnt you?
playing with guns
you tragic majestic beast
no one could ever know.
im it. to know that side of you and you fucking left.
fuck you
and fuck you too matt
for leaving when i needed you the most
when noah shot himself in the fucking head and you contacted me
you said youd be here for me
you said we were best friends
but you werent here for me at all when i needed you
fuck you for calling me
fuck you for choosing heroin
i was there for you
fuck you for not being there for ME when i needed you as you said
im fucking pissed
now youre dead and theres no more games or comfort or life or anything
fuck both of you for leaving
fuck you guys for leaving me without your influence
you were both my best Friends
and i hate you both for it because theres nobody else that could fill your shoes and im sitting here like an asshole wishing i could talk to either one of you and i cant. it was so easy to do so in the past....noah wouldve answered. noah wouldve been there. noah....
noah...you beautiful god damn bastard. you were so immune to pain...or you acted like it. so proud. so fucking physical and logical. i miss your hands on my arms, miss that quick wit that left me picking for a retort. miss you holding me tighter as i pulled away. you awoken a side of me that was repressed since adolescence...back when we were in high school...when you held that umbrella for me....when you pinned me against the wall before you kissed me at the cabin when i was fifteen. to find out you were with hope nunely.....jesus...it broke me. but i still wanted you in my life. needed your input.
i wish i could tell you now....
i should have told you
we were so close....and you introduced chris....then malaura....
then we stated up again after chris...
god dammit its too much
too much of my life was intertwined in you
i cant look at my daughter without thinking of you
her eyes arent yours but i see you in her speech
chris may have hated us together after he and i
but i loved you more than anything ive ever not created
i just wish you knew
"stupid staceface"
it plagues me
his last words
i loved him more than he would ever fucking know and it kills me.
the god father of my child
my daughters fathers best friend
he introduced us
god dammit it has no words
noah....fucking noah
i loved chris...i still do but you were my first love and you fucking knew it, didnt you?
asshole.
such an asshole.
holding you that last time....we built that fire...you kissed me and it was god damn everything i ever wanted. you fucked it up didnt you?
playing with guns
you tragic majestic beast
no one could ever know.
im it. to know that side of you and you fucking left.
fuck you
and fuck you too matt
for leaving when i needed you the most
when noah shot himself in the fucking head and you contacted me
you said youd be here for me
you said we were best friends
but you werent here for me at all when i needed you
fuck you for calling me
fuck you for choosing heroin
i was there for you
fuck you for not being there for ME when i needed you as you said
im fucking pissed
now youre dead and theres no more games or comfort or life or anything
fuck both of you for leaving
fuck you guys for leaving me without your influence
you were both my best Friends
and i hate you both for it because theres nobody else that could fill your shoes and im sitting here like an asshole wishing i could talk to either one of you and i cant. it was so easy to do so in the past....noah wouldve answered. noah wouldve been there. noah....
noah...you beautiful god damn bastard. you were so immune to pain...or you acted like it. so proud. so fucking physical and logical. i miss your hands on my arms, miss that quick wit that left me picking for a retort. miss you holding me tighter as i pulled away. you awoken a side of me that was repressed since adolescence...back when we were in high school...when you held that umbrella for me....when you pinned me against the wall before you kissed me at the cabin when i was fifteen. to find out you were with hope nunely.....jesus...it broke me. but i still wanted you in my life. needed your input.
i wish i could tell you now....
i should have told you
we were so close....and you introduced chris....then malaura....
then we stated up again after chris...
god dammit its too much
too much of my life was intertwined in you
i cant look at my daughter without thinking of you
her eyes arent yours but i see you in her speech
chris may have hated us together after he and i
but i loved you more than anything ive ever not created
i just wish you knew
