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Losing the things you love

low_spirit said:
I hate the memories more than the weeks that follow the loss... or the fact of having lost in and of itself.

When you lose the one thing your one true love (or at least percieved as having loved the most)
There is no coping. Especially if you blame yourself for having lost that person.
Your basically fucked; you become the epidemie of hell on earth. Everything about you is torn apart.
it takes a long time but you eventually have to face your memories, though you'd really prefer not to, they're unfortunately unavoidable.
As time progresses you transform into something new. You learn to get past it.
You pretty much downplay the events, and get on with your life.
And just hope that youll meet someone that means that much to you again.

But truthfully, it's absolutely agonizing, and there's really nothing positive that comes out of it like people so often claim.
You lose a large portion of your life grieving and feeling bad about the past (which really doesnt matter because its too late anyways) but you cant help it.
You cant stand to be with anybody of lesser value, so basically your sexual prowess diminishes.

Like i said, it becomes very grimly going through something like that... and all you can really do is wait it out and eventually... forget.
But itll always be there, the same way it is when a mother loses a child I would imagine. Like a tiny splinter... pricking you every so often, never letting you move on entirely.
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low_spirit.. <3

You've pretty much summed up how I feel at the moment. Although I'm not at the learning to get past it stage yet..
 
It's still early days effie; acceptance will come in due time. And your loss was anything bigger than I've experienced, so I don't know how apt my words would be.

In other words: I don't really 'know' you, but I think of you often, and always hope for strength and peace to come your way.
 
Thank you, that's really lovely of you <3

It is early days.. such a cliche but one step at a time. Or no steps right now, hah, but that's the way it is.
 
Altered Perception said:
When you lose a precious part of your identity do you just find contentment in memories? How do you cope with loss and a change of lifestyle?
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As I've mentioned lately, 6 months ago I lost custody of my child for awhile (still happening). I'm busy getting better. The nature of each of our losses is unique. For me, I can think the best thing to do is just that - change my lifestyle. I'm getting down with more of my mind than I've known for years. I had to have the loss in order to do anything about my addiction. 5 years ago, I self-initiated the following: 6 weeks Rehab in the mountains & 1000 mile relocation, sober-house stint, AA. It did nothing essentially for keeping me from the self-annihilation I've indulged in since.

Pain (via memories) is inevitable. I'm choosing to feel it enough to stay close to being reminded of what I have to do. This is the Most Painful because my kid was the Most Pleasure. 2 sides of the same coin.

Again, my loss is MY fault unlike some PP, so I interpret it differently re: lifestyle change.

the kicker:
I don't know where to send my guilt.
 
@effie: Progress plateaus, it happens with everything. When the time comes, the forward steps will happen again.

@mami: IMO, and this may rub a few nerves so I'll apologize in advance, but guilt is the most useless emotion. You've acknowledged that your past lifestyle was not the best, and has perhaps negatively affected others, but you're taking steps to remedy that. Look forward, not back, and leave the guilt in the past, where it belongs.
 
herbavore said:
I loved my son with every fiber of my being. I lost him to despair (via an overdose). It now hurts in every fiber of my being, everyday. The last thing I want to do is to stop loving. If anything, it has opened me to the suffering of others and the only thing I can see to do now is to try to love deeper and as selflessly as I can.
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Beautiful words, Herbavore. Parents should never have to bury their children. But, in my view, the truest way our loved ones live on is in our remembrance and the tribute we pay to them by going on as best we can as they would have wished us to.

If their passing can help save another life, whether directly from your experiences, or indirectly through their inspiration, they live on in the most completely human way possible.

Good luck.
 
I cope and move on. It isn't easy, but I'd rather go through my life knowing I experienced a love for something and lost it,than never to have loved anything. The sadness only means that I enjoyed the time I had who or what I love, and I'm mainly glad that it happened. Mainly, I try to change up my routine and do something that will push it far into the back of my mind, whether it's keeping myself busy or wasting time doing something I enjoy.
 
Altered Perception said:
Reading the responses about the Buddhist and Nihilistic way of life gave me some strength. Thanks guys. Changing my perspective on life is a good start to accepting loss. My biggest mistakes in life have always been to constantly chase the feelings that gave me the most happiness.

I need to find contentment with memories and experiences rather then wanting to constantly re-experience and repeat it all over again.
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I think it's natural to want to exist in a moment that was too enormous to really comprehend at the time. I recall those transient moments too, and feel utterly powerless to recapture them. It's really important to have goals and things to look forward to. Take an audit of what you have left and develop an appreciation for it.
 
badfish45 said:
The sadness only means that I enjoyed the time I had who or what I love, and I'm mainly glad that it happened.
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Yes, this says it very well. The sadness doesn't have to be an enemy. Depression, remorse, guilt, anger--those are my foes--sadness is part of life's beauty.
 
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