Mental Health losing the plot

DroneLore

Bluelighter
Joined
Jun 8, 2009
Messages
923
Feeling like i;m losing the thread. i just ived 10 - 15 mg 3me0pcp hbr

its the most niormal iv felt in a fw days
no more heroin
just subm etiz, 3meopcp mxe and bud

am i goin to be ok? im 23, graduated with a degree in chemistry. i dont have a drivers license
sometimes i want to kill myself but I dont want to die
i don tknow whats happenin to me or where i will end up

I'n sorrry for this word salad but i am scaring myself

i dont know when/how/if i can stop

this is just an exercise in futilitiy
at least i am not that got who has been IMing 5 - 10 g of ketamine a day......yet
 
You took a sizable dose, but you are typing this and 95% of your post is typed correctly. Try to relax, perhaps try four count/combat breathing by inhaling deeply while counting to four, holding your breath while counting to four, exhaling while counting to four, and holding the empty breath while counting to four, and repeat. You should feel some relaxation after the fourth repetition, and this can be repeated as much as you like. If counting to four is too much, count to two and work your way up.
 
at least i am not that guy who has been IMing 5 - 10 g of ketamine a day......yet

And you don't ever have to be that guy. Sometimes looking somewhere new can change your life, even if its just riding a bike.

A better (positive) affirmation : I am the strongest person I know.
 
Feeling like i;m losing the thread. i just ived 10 - 15 mg 3me0pcp hbr

its the most niormal iv felt in a fw days
no more heroin
just subm etiz, 3meopcp mxe and bud

am i goin to be ok? im 23, graduated with a degree in chemistry. i dont have a drivers license
sometimes i want to kill myself but I dont want to die
i don tknow whats happenin to me or where i will end up

I'n sorrry for this word salad but i am scaring myself

i dont know when/how/if i can stop

this is just an exercise in futilitiy
at least i am not that got who has been IMing 5 - 10 g of ketamine a day......yet

Hey DroneLore,

I think you're going to be OK, but stay here and talk to us for a while.

Try not to use dissociative drugs when you're upset or not feeling well; they can lead to increased depression or self-harm.

However, can I ask why you feel suicidal? It's good you don't want to die, but why do you feel suicidal? Do you want to talk about it?

Hang in there, and best of luck.
 
Yeah man, take a deep breath and try to relax a bit. It sounds like you're panicking, try to gain some distance to your thoughts and emotions if you find them troublesome, they are just processes in your head and you don't have to suffer because of them. If you can get yourself to calm down, you can better assess yourself and things around objectively. I have found that, when my own thoughts are freaking me out, it's better to distract myself in any way possible until I calm down rather than to dwell on those disturbing thoughts. It's been a while since you posted, how are you feeling right now?
 
I just woke up, and I feel pretty good. After I posted this I just sat around my house, doing random things. My roommate returned around 5 am and I talked to him a little bit about it, showed him this post he was also supportive, didn't freak out or do anything to make me feel worse. He's a very cool guy, just like all you wonderful people who replied to me. I watched Star Wars: A New Hope and found it difficult to keep my eyes open, also found it kind of cheesy in ways I never have before (very obviously theatrical/"movie-ical') and didn't identify profound universal archetypes like I expected to. Still a good movie of course, I just realized George Lucas was more like a little kid who got paid to make the sci-fi epic in his head than say... a Stanley Kubrick.

I really hope I didn't offend any major Star Wars fans.

Captain Heroin: Suicidal thoughts are something I've experience since I was 12. Sometimes I will just be feeling massively stressed or depressed, sometimes it is triggered by IRL things happening or, more accurately, not happening, like finding a girlfriend or a job.

Again, thank you very much to those who replied (and those who didn't). I love you all and will try to act accordingly.

I'm not quite sure whether I'm sober yet lol. But I feel 'good' and 'normal' whatever those words mean. :P
 
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I just woke up, and I feel pretty good. After I posted this I just sat around my house, doing random things. My roommate returned around 5 am and I talked to him a little bit about it, showed him this post he was also supportive, didn't freak out or do anything to make me feel worse. He's a very cool guy, just like all you wonderful people who replied to me. I watched Star Wars: A New Hope and found it difficult to keep my eyes open, also found it kind of cheesy in ways I never have before (very obviously theatrical/"movie-ical') and didn't identify profound universal archetypes like I expected to. Still a good movie of course, I just realized George Lucas was more like a little kid who got paid to make the sci-fi epic in his head than say... a Stanley Kubrick.

I really hope I didn't offend any major Star Wars fans.

Captain Heroin: Suicidal thoughts are something I've experience since I was 12. Sometimes I will just be feeling massively stressed or depressed, sometimes it is triggered by IRL things happening or, more accurately, not happening, like finding a girlfriend or a job.

Again, thank you very much to those who replied (and those who didn't). I love you all and will try to act accordingly.

I'm not quite sure whether I'm sober yet lol. But I feel 'good' and 'normal' whatever those words mean. :P

I am so happy to see that you are feeling better. In the future, try not to take such a large dose, especially if you are feeling down on yourself.

We're always here if you need us.

<3
 
Relax and try not to do anything stupid. Try to go to sleep if you can. If insomnia rules your brain then just lay down and stare at the ceiling but not at the lights.
 
I think for someone with a lifetime history of depression, you could not have picked a worse three class of drugs to be using irresponsibly :( cannabis can be very bad for people with mental illnesses, and it certainly is doubtful to help you become motivated while your energy is low. Benzos have the same downward motion, but even worse, because they interfere with REM sleep, making your brain lose out on proper resetting every night, and of course are very physically addictive. Dissociatives like MXE just have such a broad range of effects on the brain, from dopamine to NMDA, and abusing them will definitely increase symptoms of dissociation and depression.

I know the highs feel great but at some point you have to stop and ask if you are serious about getting out of your depression. Because that *will* mean quitting these substances. at BEST you may continue to smoke mary jane, not heavily, and perhaps a small therapeutic daily dose of benzos for anxiety would be possible too, but nothing involving large doses, combinations, needles, etc.
 
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