I just feel like its a losing fight. When I was a kid we had a saying "Go big or go home" I think that one statement has caused me more pain then anything else. I have gone big I shot dope I robbed dealers I laughed in the face of certain destruction I lived like there was no tommorow yet here I am I guess there is always a tommorow. Im ready to get back on the train even though I know exactly where it goes but what scares me is I honestly cant even explain why. Its like there is this dark cloud permanetly above my head yea sometimes the sun shines but its always briefly only enough so that I know what im missing. Im sourrounded by kids having the time of there lives but all I want to do is move back to that grimey ass city and submerge myelf back into the dope game.
what I really want to do is go be a couselor at a rehab but all of them only hire steppers and thats just not my game. Theres this dude I know down here who is an opiate addict he is walking the same steps I went thru so I try to be there for him tell him that it will be ok but in my head im thinking your fucked, just like me. I dont even know what im trying to say I guess im just jaded to the whole thing I mean im really blessed family who loves me a few friends plenty of aquantences people I could chill with yet its just not enough for some reason.
what I really want to do is go be a couselor at a rehab but all of them only hire steppers and thats just not my game. Theres this dude I know down here who is an opiate addict he is walking the same steps I went thru so I try to be there for him tell him that it will be ok but in my head im thinking your fucked, just like me. I dont even know what im trying to say I guess im just jaded to the whole thing I mean im really blessed family who loves me a few friends plenty of aquantences people I could chill with yet its just not enough for some reason.