Lil_Dookie
Bluelighter
I have been using drugs and have been part of the drug culture since I was about 15 I am 26 now, and have never given much thought of changing my lifestyle until this past holiday season. I lost the two people that mattered most to me.
On December 3rd my best friend who was also a big brother figure to me was caught with four ounces of ice, 30 grams of heroin, and a pistol. He now sits in jail on a $750,000 bond. He was already on four years paper. I know he is looking at a sentence at 10 years+ prison sentence. I cant visit him because I am on probation, and in my county If you are on paper you cant visit inmates at the county jail. Letters are the only avenue of communication I have with him at this point.
I know he made poor choices, and now is suffering the consequences, but the circumstances that led to his arrest are particularly upsetting. I'll try to sum it up fairly quickly. He was betrayed by his supplier and was set up in a controlled delivery at a hotel. The girl who was accompanying my friend had a small amount of meth of her. Rather then taking her charge she informed the police where my friend was residing. That's were the police discovered the ice, heroin, and gun. My friend did the honorable thing and did not cooperate with authorities, and now will spend the majority of his adulthood in prison.
On December 14th at about 9:30am the house phone rings and my dad answers it. The caller ID identified the caller as my girlfriend's dad. I hear my father say I am so sorry. I knew something was wrong immediately. I run into the next room to investigate, and my dad said to me in a all too blunt manner. Elise is dead, she died from a Heroin overdose. I screamed out in disbelief, No not my baby, and fell to the ground crying. This was the girl who I had spent all damn near all day every day for the past year and a half with. This was the girl who was so fiercely loyal to me no matter how strung out I was or how difficult I could be. This was the girl who had been through hell and back with me. This was the girl who I planned to marry one day and spend the rest of my life with. Now I would never get to hold her again, tell her that I love her, make love to her or anything again. She was due to start drug court the following week and wanted to get one more high in I presume. She was visiting her grandmother who lives about an hour outside the city and made the fatal mistake of getting high alone.
I have been an emotional wreck since she passed away. Its even more difficult without my best friend to console me. I look at the enormous human cost of that drugs deliver,and only wish that I could turn back time but we all know that isn't possible. I look at the sacrifices that are made for a few hours of temporary bliss or the promise of a quick and easy buck and realize that it is so not worth it. I have been clean for a little over a month, which is a remarkable feat for a hardcore meth and heroin addict. Its been the hardest month of my life. I am trying to stay strong, but its been tough. I hope no one else has to go through what I am going through. The consequences of hard drugs are real and inevitable.
Thanks for letting me express myself bluelighters.
On December 3rd my best friend who was also a big brother figure to me was caught with four ounces of ice, 30 grams of heroin, and a pistol. He now sits in jail on a $750,000 bond. He was already on four years paper. I know he is looking at a sentence at 10 years+ prison sentence. I cant visit him because I am on probation, and in my county If you are on paper you cant visit inmates at the county jail. Letters are the only avenue of communication I have with him at this point.
I know he made poor choices, and now is suffering the consequences, but the circumstances that led to his arrest are particularly upsetting. I'll try to sum it up fairly quickly. He was betrayed by his supplier and was set up in a controlled delivery at a hotel. The girl who was accompanying my friend had a small amount of meth of her. Rather then taking her charge she informed the police where my friend was residing. That's were the police discovered the ice, heroin, and gun. My friend did the honorable thing and did not cooperate with authorities, and now will spend the majority of his adulthood in prison.
On December 14th at about 9:30am the house phone rings and my dad answers it. The caller ID identified the caller as my girlfriend's dad. I hear my father say I am so sorry. I knew something was wrong immediately. I run into the next room to investigate, and my dad said to me in a all too blunt manner. Elise is dead, she died from a Heroin overdose. I screamed out in disbelief, No not my baby, and fell to the ground crying. This was the girl who I had spent all damn near all day every day for the past year and a half with. This was the girl who was so fiercely loyal to me no matter how strung out I was or how difficult I could be. This was the girl who had been through hell and back with me. This was the girl who I planned to marry one day and spend the rest of my life with. Now I would never get to hold her again, tell her that I love her, make love to her or anything again. She was due to start drug court the following week and wanted to get one more high in I presume. She was visiting her grandmother who lives about an hour outside the city and made the fatal mistake of getting high alone.
I have been an emotional wreck since she passed away. Its even more difficult without my best friend to console me. I look at the enormous human cost of that drugs deliver,and only wish that I could turn back time but we all know that isn't possible. I look at the sacrifices that are made for a few hours of temporary bliss or the promise of a quick and easy buck and realize that it is so not worth it. I have been clean for a little over a month, which is a remarkable feat for a hardcore meth and heroin addict. Its been the hardest month of my life. I am trying to stay strong, but its been tough. I hope no one else has to go through what I am going through. The consequences of hard drugs are real and inevitable.
Thanks for letting me express myself bluelighters.
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