johannes kreisler
Bluelighter
I just wanted to write a report of an experience I had a few days ago. I slipped so fast and unexpected into such a shitty mess of a trip that I feel the urge to warn others...probably it was a idiosyncratic reaction but anyway...
I was at an absolutely mindblowing psytrance festival and prior to the experience I've been basically high on all kinds of drugs most people can think of - including lsd - for 5 days straight. however I was relatively well rested and fed. the day before the experience I've had my first real ketamine-experience and it turned out to be ecstatic and wild with a really, really therapeutic afterglow. (meta-kognition...)
my idea was to dive into a really hard, yet chilled out and introspective trip the next day to fill the "ketamine-frame" with content (-> love&light
). weapons of choice were acid, mdma and dmt if suitable (and thc of course). and as I wanted the trip to be as laid-back as possible I consumed 0,5mg of lorazepam 1h before the trip to get rid of excess body energy, restlessness and come up issues that LSD gives me. I've never tried this before but I figured that this combo is safe and the acid will easily roll over the lorazepam.
I started with a 250mcg (all LSD doses are reported doses..) sugarcube, waited for 90min and all I got was a feeling of being "off". no come up whatsoever, just a slightly strange feeling that I mainly attributed to the lora and thc.
At 1:45 I dropped a 145mcg blotter, followed by a half one of this blotter 30min later totalling in a theoretical dose of 467,5mcg of LSD.
Up to this point I felt nearly nothing of the LSD and thought that the sugarcube was probably weak (traded it for a hit of DMT 3 days earlier..
). actually I just wanted to be tripping enough to feel "hungry" for the mdma...
Ten minutes later I came up. hard. The headspace was a silly mixture of the benzo and acid. at first I kinda liked it as it felt goofy and toy-like. then as I was coming up more and more on the acid (accompanied by first mindflashes of: "why the fuck did you just mix a benzo with nearly half a mg of Acid?!") I soon felt an extremely sinister vibe and had the feeling that "something is lacking" in a painful way. It was as if I've impeded the incredible energy that lsd gives you, as if the energy was just racing around in my mind without anywhere to go, without reaching my soul. but spreading terror.
I could absolutely not feel nor find myself in this trip. shit was going south and I knew it and I did everything I could to get things into a flow. I failed. there was the acid, and there was me. and there was a fuckin cotton wall of this benzo preventing one from reaching the other. I decided to make one last attempt with a lungful of N2o. I can't even begin to describe where this took me...
I encountered all that crazy bad trip shit with god and the devil fighting for my soul, with the devil being all that goofy, silly, brainless benzo-feeling. In intensity and clarity it rivaled an DMT breakthrough (I still shiver thinking about it). I finally found myself in the arms of my buddy next to me who was on mescaline and mdma and was fucking loving it and freaking me out even more with his enlightened grin....
At this moment I realize that this trip is a fucking disaster and I have to end it before it begins to feed of my soul and sanity. panicking I drop 2 or 3mg of lorazepam - which is obviously imprinted as a bad trip remedy. but not this time: this time I fed the devil. you cannot imagine the sheer terror and panic that came over me a second later when I "realized" (of course all my thoughts were dripping from acid and I was "pushing my movie"[as the germans say] with full force) what I had just done.
I was convinced that if this trip goes on I will soon fade into the darkest, most negative and destructive dream state imaginable. soul dissolution, madness, schizophrenia. (actually I still feel like this would have been the case).
we had a sober sitter (thank god) and I told her "we need to go to the medics! I need an antipsychotic asap! this trip has no resolution; I do have to get the acid out of my system..."
We then walked away form the venue and strolled around for some time trying to straighten up my mind and find a resolution for my state with combined powers. it was desperate and the strolling around was just my effort to run away from the inevitable. sitting the trip out was no option as just a few seconds of introspection brought me to the most terrible places...
my sitter explained to me several times that taking benzos is what you do in case of a bad trip and I remember that I understood this fact for a fraction of a second only to drift off into psychotic thinking immediately...
the only thought my sober self could grasp was "I gotta get the acid out of my system. asap.". And dear god I'm proud of myself that I was wise enough to articulate it...it took some 20min though before we made it to the medics' tent, explained the situation (
) and I received a shot of haloperidol in my left buttock. mind you I was tripping my balls off and the situation suddenly had a funny vibe actually...I even told the doctor that she looked really interesting; fairy-angel like through my eyes...
my 'sober self' also told my sitter that there was no turning back with the syringe being filled - I seriously felt a sinister force trying to resist...jesus christ. freaks me out right now...
anyway. I got the shot. we walked to our camping ground and I soon faded off in a surprisingly pleasant delirium, had a 6h sleep, woke up (surprisingly) fine, had some conversation and a meal and afterwards slept more or less the whole day. Afterwards I even felt good enough to do some hash, a little bit of speed and ket and party again with absolutely no bad effects. (I didn't feel this was reckless as I felt absolutely fine with myself and my body. maybe it was a bit reckless though...)
today/after the experience I feel like it left no bad effects and no trauma with me. I guess this was due to the fact that I attributed the catastrophic outcome only to the benzo* and that a vital part of me kept in charge of the situation in spite of the fact that another part was completely twisted in psychotic thinking...I even feel empowered because of that fact as I've been traumatized by a bad trip before, where I had absolutely no chance of stopping it...(and I feel deeply grateful for my friends and especially my sitter btw )
*I wouldn't go as far and say: 'predosing benzos causes bad trips'; but in my situation I'm 90% sure that it did.....as a matter of fact: drugs like LSD do not tolerate disrespect.
---
thanks for reading! plz let me know what you think! I'm all like "WTF?!" about that whole affair...can't believe that it really happened to me...
I was at an absolutely mindblowing psytrance festival and prior to the experience I've been basically high on all kinds of drugs most people can think of - including lsd - for 5 days straight. however I was relatively well rested and fed. the day before the experience I've had my first real ketamine-experience and it turned out to be ecstatic and wild with a really, really therapeutic afterglow. (meta-kognition...)
my idea was to dive into a really hard, yet chilled out and introspective trip the next day to fill the "ketamine-frame" with content (-> love&light
). weapons of choice were acid, mdma and dmt if suitable (and thc of course). and as I wanted the trip to be as laid-back as possible I consumed 0,5mg of lorazepam 1h before the trip to get rid of excess body energy, restlessness and come up issues that LSD gives me. I've never tried this before but I figured that this combo is safe and the acid will easily roll over the lorazepam.I started with a 250mcg (all LSD doses are reported doses..) sugarcube, waited for 90min and all I got was a feeling of being "off". no come up whatsoever, just a slightly strange feeling that I mainly attributed to the lora and thc.
At 1:45 I dropped a 145mcg blotter, followed by a half one of this blotter 30min later totalling in a theoretical dose of 467,5mcg of LSD.
Up to this point I felt nearly nothing of the LSD and thought that the sugarcube was probably weak (traded it for a hit of DMT 3 days earlier..
). actually I just wanted to be tripping enough to feel "hungry" for the mdma...Ten minutes later I came up. hard. The headspace was a silly mixture of the benzo and acid. at first I kinda liked it as it felt goofy and toy-like. then as I was coming up more and more on the acid (accompanied by first mindflashes of: "why the fuck did you just mix a benzo with nearly half a mg of Acid?!") I soon felt an extremely sinister vibe and had the feeling that "something is lacking" in a painful way. It was as if I've impeded the incredible energy that lsd gives you, as if the energy was just racing around in my mind without anywhere to go, without reaching my soul. but spreading terror.
I could absolutely not feel nor find myself in this trip. shit was going south and I knew it and I did everything I could to get things into a flow. I failed. there was the acid, and there was me. and there was a fuckin cotton wall of this benzo preventing one from reaching the other. I decided to make one last attempt with a lungful of N2o. I can't even begin to describe where this took me...
I encountered all that crazy bad trip shit with god and the devil fighting for my soul, with the devil being all that goofy, silly, brainless benzo-feeling. In intensity and clarity it rivaled an DMT breakthrough (I still shiver thinking about it). I finally found myself in the arms of my buddy next to me who was on mescaline and mdma and was fucking loving it and freaking me out even more with his enlightened grin....
At this moment I realize that this trip is a fucking disaster and I have to end it before it begins to feed of my soul and sanity. panicking I drop 2 or 3mg of lorazepam - which is obviously imprinted as a bad trip remedy. but not this time: this time I fed the devil. you cannot imagine the sheer terror and panic that came over me a second later when I "realized" (of course all my thoughts were dripping from acid and I was "pushing my movie"[as the germans say] with full force) what I had just done.
I was convinced that if this trip goes on I will soon fade into the darkest, most negative and destructive dream state imaginable. soul dissolution, madness, schizophrenia. (actually I still feel like this would have been the case).
we had a sober sitter (thank god) and I told her "we need to go to the medics! I need an antipsychotic asap! this trip has no resolution; I do have to get the acid out of my system..."
We then walked away form the venue and strolled around for some time trying to straighten up my mind and find a resolution for my state with combined powers. it was desperate and the strolling around was just my effort to run away from the inevitable. sitting the trip out was no option as just a few seconds of introspection brought me to the most terrible places...
my sitter explained to me several times that taking benzos is what you do in case of a bad trip and I remember that I understood this fact for a fraction of a second only to drift off into psychotic thinking immediately...
the only thought my sober self could grasp was "I gotta get the acid out of my system. asap.". And dear god I'm proud of myself that I was wise enough to articulate it...it took some 20min though before we made it to the medics' tent, explained the situation (
) and I received a shot of haloperidol in my left buttock. mind you I was tripping my balls off and the situation suddenly had a funny vibe actually...I even told the doctor that she looked really interesting; fairy-angel like through my eyes... my 'sober self' also told my sitter that there was no turning back with the syringe being filled - I seriously felt a sinister force trying to resist...jesus christ. freaks me out right now...
anyway. I got the shot. we walked to our camping ground and I soon faded off in a surprisingly pleasant delirium, had a 6h sleep, woke up (surprisingly) fine, had some conversation and a meal and afterwards slept more or less the whole day. Afterwards I even felt good enough to do some hash, a little bit of speed and ket and party again with absolutely no bad effects. (I didn't feel this was reckless as I felt absolutely fine with myself and my body. maybe it was a bit reckless though...)
today/after the experience I feel like it left no bad effects and no trauma with me. I guess this was due to the fact that I attributed the catastrophic outcome only to the benzo* and that a vital part of me kept in charge of the situation in spite of the fact that another part was completely twisted in psychotic thinking...I even feel empowered because of that fact as I've been traumatized by a bad trip before, where I had absolutely no chance of stopping it...(and I feel deeply grateful for my friends and especially my sitter btw
)*I wouldn't go as far and say: 'predosing benzos causes bad trips'; but in my situation I'm 90% sure that it did.....as a matter of fact: drugs like LSD do not tolerate disrespect.
---
thanks for reading! plz let me know what you think! I'm all like "WTF?!" about that whole affair...can't believe that it really happened to me...
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