looking to recover from my meth addiction

[recovery]

hello, i am a meth addict, i smoke it, tho i am new to the drug and have only been using for 5 months; i am highly addicted to it. i am looking for help of any kind. i want to be a recovering addict. i steel from my parents, siblings and from my surrounding neighbors. have done horrid actions to get my fix. i recently moved across the country to relieve myself of this habit. but i was unsuccessful in fact the first person i met offered it to me i had gone 2 and a half weeks with out it, tho feening for a puff i had no intentions on locating a dealer i wanted to find drug free friends and sober people to place myself around but by finding my habit with the first person i introduced myself to i could not resist the strong temptations as i was still going through withdraws, and continued on binge. at this very point i am 12 hours free of it but i feel the urge as i type this to say f*** trying to get help f*** recovery, and just go get twacked out but as i was coming down from my last session i had a deep emotional reawakening, the "boogie man" as i call it (for it being my nightmare) has me rapped around its bones like skin... thus leading me to realize i would rather die at that point then continue my usage so i proceeded to attempt my thought of everlasting freedom from meth with a 40 cal. hand gun. i closed my eyes and pulled the trigger; it jammed; as i sat back in my chair wondering if this meant i will be an addict for the rest of my being i came to the conclusion that infact this is my second chance, i dont want to be a meth addict any more .... i never wanted to be.. i wanted to be happy and thats all i was seeking.. but insted i found true darknest and true depression, pure misery. but at the same time i found a false escape from reality... i have faith that some day i will be able to say im drug free. i do know it is a long tedious road to recovery with glory at the end. but my problem is i believe that i wont be able to find a median that will help me stay on the sober life road and stop me from switching lanes again. i am a very dependent person and need someone or something around constantly...i am not looking for another drug or subtance for me to get addicted to insted of meth but infact a raucousness, the feeling of not needing thus innatimet objects.... i dont know if i am looking for rehab or if a single sentence that will help me but i know i am incapable of doing this on my own the people ithoughtwere my friends abandoned me and leaving m with only the one person i knew as a sorse of reflection apon my addiction and as us addict know if one addict is trying to go clean and is around one that is not trying to it makes in nearly impassable to achieve such set goals so please leave me words of enlightenment and encouragement for i can not locate what i need in people i know nor my own self, thank you ...... anonymous....

 

[NeighborhoodThreat]

I'm going to move this over to The Dark Side, our forum that specializes in addiction recovery discussion and support.

BDD --> TDS

 

[herbavore]

Hey recovery, welcome! I think it is great that you are aware that you need to get away from meth and have already tried hard to do so. You will need support. Is there any way that you could go to rehab just to kickstart this process and make sure that temptation is not around you? You will still have to deal with it when you get out but you will have gotten some clean time and hopefully some tools to use to stay strong as you continue.

i am a very dependent person and need someone or something around constantly...

A very positive aspect of your post is that you are introspective enough to see what is driving your need to use. I think that if you get some professional help to deal with these issues and continue to explore them and work on them yourself that you will feel so much more able to resist the temptation of drugs as relief. Is counseling something that you have access to?