Could there be any psychoactive substance out there that could help me access some repressed memories? I won't go into detail but I'm trying to access these repressed memories so I can get over them and become a better person. I've hard ayahausca can do something along these lines, and ibogaine has been known to "break open the head" any tips?
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Looking to find some repressed memories
- Thread starter Ninjetic
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Deleted member 81238
Bluelighter
Ketamine™ Assisted™ Psychedelic™ Therapy™...™ K.A.P.T.™.™
B9
Bluelight Crew
Find a therapist & see what they suggest as suitable means of accessing repressed memories - doing this in a guided structured fashion is probably much more likely to elicit positive results than simply breaking open a box which might well have turned out to have belonged to a distant relative of Pandora.
Thanks for the replies, I probably should get a therapist in the mix to fix this. I was trying to find if there was a cheap alternative to fix my problem (can't stop waking up screaming, yet can't remember the dream that caused it) same thing used to happen back when I tried lucid dreaming (might've seen something horrible in the past, or it might've been a product of the lucid dreaming that scared the crap outta me) Its either a repressed memory from my childhood, or its all related to my sleep problems (huge list of shit like sleepwalking and sleep apnea) Not fun for me, neither is it for anyone else (screaming at 4am doesnt make for friendly neighbors) Lets hope I can get this fixed soon, its a real bitch![:\](https://bluelight.org/xf/BL_Images/Orig_Emoji/wrygrin.gif "wry grin :\")
General Patton
Bluelighter
Repressed memories are very difficult to access, especially if you are trying to see if something is really there or not when there are other factors at play. Taking psychedelics in order to do so is definately one way to go about it, but you shouldn't rely totally on that. If the memories are genuine than they should be able to be accessed via different ways. Try to find a therapist who approves of your tactics and will be willing to help you sort through it all, it will help tremendously... Good luck, peace and 
yeah what sucks is this stuff still happens, unless i smoke a shit ton of weed before i sleep (or get drunk, but thats another story) I think all this is related to other things (like my polysubstance abuse problem, its not under control) its amazing that i sleep at all (or function for that matter) i gotta get my shit together now....
Flickering
Bluelighter
Like deff, I've found mescaline has been great for reliving past events - mind you, the ones I'm after are not traumatic. LSD is also known to make the user relive parts of their childhood. It can happen on just about anything at random, but I imagine if you find the substance that seems to work best in that direction, take a few trips to get the hang of it, and then start actively directing it towards the memory, that would be your best bet.
Be aware that once you access it, you could be in for a really rough ride, and that's only counting the trip itself. After, you'll probably have trouble integrating it into your life, to various degrees of difficulty. As others have said, it's best to go through a therapist first. Perhaps you can find one who's open to psychedelic sessions. Failing that, consider hypnotherapy. In all cases, beware of false memories.
Best of luck, I hope you find what you're looking for.
(A list of substances known to bring back the past:
Mescaline
Mushrooms
2C-E
LSD
Ibogaine - don't take this lightly, though it is one of the most theraputic drugs out there
Ayahuasca - do NOT take this lightly
DXM (I've heard two cases of this)
Salvia)
Be aware that once you access it, you could be in for a really rough ride, and that's only counting the trip itself. After, you'll probably have trouble integrating it into your life, to various degrees of difficulty. As others have said, it's best to go through a therapist first. Perhaps you can find one who's open to psychedelic sessions. Failing that, consider hypnotherapy. In all cases, beware of false memories.
Best of luck, I hope you find what you're looking for.
(A list of substances known to bring back the past:
Mescaline
Mushrooms
2C-E
LSD
Ibogaine - don't take this lightly, though it is one of the most theraputic drugs out there
Ayahuasca - do NOT take this lightly
DXM (I've heard two cases of this)
Salvia)
swilow
Bluelight Crew
Hypnotherapy is a lot safer then psychedelic therapy, but either way, its dangerous territory. You need to do this with a professional. I've had sever trauma in my early life, and in searching for the reality behind these experiences, I basically blew the real world apart. I had always wanted to understand the repressed memories, but I was not prepared for the violence of remembering them. Repression is not a very useful tool, but it is a tool nonetheless. We repress memories for a (not very good) reason; its an automated procedure that has evolved in humans and it serves a purpose. To unlock these old memories, you need to be ready for great difficulty. I don't want to think of what would have happened if I had retrieved my own memories with psychedelics.
That said, I knew the basically scenarios that I had wanted to recall, but not the degrading and terrible meat of the situations.
Good luck to you.
That said, I knew the basically scenarios that I had wanted to recall, but not the degrading and terrible meat of the situations.
Good luck to you.
acidclouds
Bluelighter
Yes. In my experience psychedelics are just as likely to produce false memories as they are to expose repressed memories. When you're dealing with heavy stuff this could obviously create more problems rather than solving anything
Nitrous oxide combined with any psychedelic seems to bring back memories and create false memories (very hard to tell the difference sometimes) the most for me
The Smoking Man
Bluelighter
Psychs probably aren't the way to go for this. When I started taking piracetam 6 months ago, I had intense memory recall after the first week and until the fifth week of taking it, if you want to look into that. I was taking ALCAR along with it but I dunno if that contributed to the recall effect or not. Dream recall and vividness was also ridiculously enhanced during that period.
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!!4iV4HF9R34g
Bluelighter
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Low doses of MXE made me remember some real serious repressed shit.. These were lately confirmed when I confronted my family.. Be careful digging up the past bro.
swmo
Bluelighter
i must agree about false memories. in certain circumstances, i think others are the 1z who repressed the memory, though.
LogicSoDeveloped
Bluelighter
I'm interested in the same thing as the OP.
I feel like there is something in my mind that I can't pinpoint that is seriously holding me back in life right now.
I feel like there is something in my mind that I can't pinpoint that is seriously holding me back in life right now.
lazydullard
Bluelighter
DXM has done this many times for me. I used it for years before it ever happened though.. Like suddenly, one day, coming down from a third plateau dose of DXM (after about 5 years of habitual abuse) I suddenly saw a huge face coallesce from the darkness of the ceiling. I realized that I had seen the face before, and when I thought about it for a while, I realized it was the face my father used to make when he would yell at me just before locking me in the closet back when I was 3 years old. During my adolescent and teenage years, my parents told my constently that I was never abused when I was kid, so there was no reason for me to be depressed. I saw the face during a DXM comedown, which triggered a memory, which caused me to discard a false truth I held to myself for a long time (the false truth being that I was never abused. Realizing that I was, indeed, abused, I gradually began to get more repressed memories back. They most often happen during DXM comedowns, or on the afterglow of a DXM experience, but they sometimes came just naturally during the course of the day. I would be in a bad mood which would suddenly unravel itself into a bad memory, and I realized I was in a bad mood because of the bad memory.
It took like a whole month before I recovered the entirety of the very first closet memory from when I first saw the face. The memories would most often come back, as I said, on DXM comedowns, or just when I was going to sleep or was in a bad mood for no apparent reason.
I had always kept a diary when I tripped DXM in the past, and I would scribble random fragments of words on the paper sometimes and in the morning after, be like, WTF? I realize now that lot of the scribbles were words from my parents or from myself from memories that I didn't know I had.
I've got much more memories back during my sober times overall than my DXM times, but I really believe that DXM was the catalyst that started it all.
Well, that's just my experience. I always felt something was "wrong" with my perception of the past, but I never figured out what that was until recently. I'm 25 now, and most my repressed memories are from when I was 3 to 7 years old. I realized that they weren't completely repressed until I was like 16 years old. Now that the memories are back, I can remember that I could remember some of them when I was like 9 or 12 years old. But never could I remember them all at the same time, chronologically, like I can now.
One memory actually came back to me as a nightmare, and when I awoke I dismissed it as a nightmare, then like a week later I realized that the nightmare had actually happened once.
Good luck!
It took like a whole month before I recovered the entirety of the very first closet memory from when I first saw the face. The memories would most often come back, as I said, on DXM comedowns, or just when I was going to sleep or was in a bad mood for no apparent reason.
I had always kept a diary when I tripped DXM in the past, and I would scribble random fragments of words on the paper sometimes and in the morning after, be like, WTF? I realize now that lot of the scribbles were words from my parents or from myself from memories that I didn't know I had.
I've got much more memories back during my sober times overall than my DXM times, but I really believe that DXM was the catalyst that started it all.
Well, that's just my experience. I always felt something was "wrong" with my perception of the past, but I never figured out what that was until recently. I'm 25 now, and most my repressed memories are from when I was 3 to 7 years old. I realized that they weren't completely repressed until I was like 16 years old. Now that the memories are back, I can remember that I could remember some of them when I was like 9 or 12 years old. But never could I remember them all at the same time, chronologically, like I can now.
One memory actually came back to me as a nightmare, and when I awoke I dismissed it as a nightmare, then like a week later I realized that the nightmare had actually happened once.
Good luck!
acidclouds
Bluelighter
lazydullard have you had any confirmation that these were real memories? After 5 years of DXM abuse I wouldn't necessarily trust that they were
I personally would be very cautious about interpreting memories produced by drugs as being real especially when they're about something like childhood abuse.
I personally would be very cautious about interpreting memories produced by drugs as being real especially when they're about something like childhood abuse.
This is pretty consistent with my memories of abuse from around the same ages, 3-7, although mine was different in nature. I think because one's ideas of reality are still just forming while in childhood and really don't form until adolescence, there are those momentary lapses in repression until the mid-teens when one's sense of reality is more solid. Since my abuse was more sexual, I can remember the raging hormones and awkwardness of high-school inducing a schism in my personality. The memories were fully repressed, but I still had to function in a highly sexually charged environment and deal with advances from girls and such, so parts of my mind were "doubled" and I would switch places with this phantom person until I was in a "safe" environment. These doubles are something that I still struggle to integrate, and when I do I regain some of my former subjectivity but have to deal with an increase in intrusive thoughts that had been repressed for years and years.
Hypnotherapy is a lot safer then psychedelic therapy, but either way, its dangerous territory. You need to do this with a professional. I've had sever trauma in my early life, and in searching for the reality behind these experiences, I basically blew the real world apart. I had always wanted to understand the repressed memories, but I was not prepared for the violence of remembering them. Repression is not a very useful tool, but it is a tool nonetheless. We repress memories for a (not very good) reason; its an automated procedure that has evolved in humans and it serves a purpose. To unlock these old memories, you need to be ready for great difficulty. I don't want to think of what would have happened if I had retrieved my own memories with psychedelics.
That said, I knew the basically scenarios that I had wanted to recall, but not the degrading and terrible meat of the situations.
Good luck to you.
I will echo much of this advice, although I have never tried hypnotherapy myself beyond a simple guided meditation in my therapist's office. Psychedelics and repressed memories are indeed dangerous, with false memories galore, especially when other drugs are being used concurrently as the psychedelics. The many traumatic situations that poly-drug use can get one into, or that one might otherwise witness are another conflating factor. If you intend on confronting anyone about these memories, than your drug use will surely be questioned and will not help you in getting your memories taken seriously. That is IF your family/other know about your drug use, or find out about it in some way, which is possible as both revealing memories and psychedelics are known to drastically change one's attitudes and personality.
It's a very fine line to walk, I remember in my first year after uncovering my memories I tried slamming my mind with 4 grams of mushrooms alone in my room only a month or two after the revelation. Ended up calling my parents in tears, and had to get them to come pick me up from university as I shifted from complete wrenching sadness, to elation, to dissociation and forgetting my identity/sexuality even existed at all. I later tried lower doses of 2C-D to poke at the memories, but it ended up being a neutral, healing trip that simply patched up what had been rubbed raw by the harsh mushroom trip. I later went on to try 5-MeO-MiPT which was probably one of the more ideal psychs for this purpose, it helped but due to relationship issues I collapsed into dissociative abuse and failed to make any progress with the memories for years. More recently after a period of not tripping for almost a year, and witnessing other incidents of sexual abuse, I was able to piece together that another family member was possibly involved in my abuse. This was a serious "key memory" and I've managed to make much progress with this in mind. Up until this May I realized all I had been doing was dealing with the results of the first memory I realized several years ago, and nearly all my drug use in that time was self-medication for the results of this revelation. This is a hard trap not to fall into.
The main thing to keep in mind is that drug can never solve your problems, and if you treat them like this they will only cause problems. The most they can do is loosen boundaries, and they do this very well, you just need to be conscious of these boundaries and how well set they are. There's nothing worse than the emotional toll a bad trip can have on an already taxed and confused mind. Good luck and I hope my experiences help everyone along their paths in life
Thorns Have Roses
Bluelight Crew
Related threads:
http://www.bluelight.ru/vb/threads/566067-Childhood-Memories-on-Drugs?highlight=relive+past
http://www.bluelight.ru/vb/threads/380274-Return-of-the-repressed-on-psychedelics?highlight=repressed+memory
Personally, I have found dissociatives best for accessing memory with the most vivid and emotional recall. I would however, in no case recommend going about this, it's very easy to become obsessed and get in a very bad psychological state when chasing the past. I think the most important thing is to learn to move on, no matter what happened. Also, dissociative effects on cognition, as well as your current feelings, will almost certainly color and infulence your memory/your reactions to your memory, and who knows how such distortions will effect your mental/emotional health (hell, frequently using dissociatives can have a major negative psychological impact in itself as I have discovered time and time again, and the appeal these substances have to some of us can make not revisiting them extremely difficult in spite of the harm they cause).
http://www.bluelight.ru/vb/threads/566067-Childhood-Memories-on-Drugs?highlight=relive+past
http://www.bluelight.ru/vb/threads/380274-Return-of-the-repressed-on-psychedelics?highlight=repressed+memory
Personally, I have found dissociatives best for accessing memory with the most vivid and emotional recall. I would however, in no case recommend going about this, it's very easy to become obsessed and get in a very bad psychological state when chasing the past. I think the most important thing is to learn to move on, no matter what happened. Also, dissociative effects on cognition, as well as your current feelings, will almost certainly color and infulence your memory/your reactions to your memory, and who knows how such distortions will effect your mental/emotional health (hell, frequently using dissociatives can have a major negative psychological impact in itself as I have discovered time and time again, and the appeal these substances have to some of us can make not revisiting them extremely difficult in spite of the harm they cause).
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acidclouds
Bluelighter
In my history studies at uni I've done quite a bit on oral history and the reliability of peoples recollections. After years/decades even non-repressed memories are notoriously unreliable.
The more I think about it the more I think that trying to accurately recall things from years/decades ago that you think your mind has repressed using psychedelic and/or dissociative drugs which are well-known to change real memories and create false memories just seems like a really bad idea that is almost destined to fail and probably make things worse.
A close relative of mine was abused as a child and many decades later it still controls his life to a great extent because he hasn't been able to let go of it or forgive the people involved and has been consumed by anger, hatred and a desire (and expectation) of the guilty people being punished in hell. So I think the desire to confront and deal with these things is very important but I dont think drugs are the way to do it.
The more I think about it the more I think that trying to accurately recall things from years/decades ago that you think your mind has repressed using psychedelic and/or dissociative drugs which are well-known to change real memories and create false memories just seems like a really bad idea that is almost destined to fail and probably make things worse.
A close relative of mine was abused as a child and many decades later it still controls his life to a great extent because he hasn't been able to let go of it or forgive the people involved and has been consumed by anger, hatred and a desire (and expectation) of the guilty people being punished in hell. So I think the desire to confront and deal with these things is very important but I dont think drugs are the way to do it.