Looking for Ego-Death Aftermath Experiences - especially "existentially challenging ones"

[Ruse]

Oh I’d totally be keen to try microdosing, I just need to find someone here with the knowledge to get it for me and get it started.

From your language, I'm guessing you're in the UK somewhere but I may be mistaken. It's my understanding that there are several so-called psychedelic societies over there that may be able to help you out.

On my 40th birthday last year I bit the bullet and tried my first ever psychedelic.
DMT.
The only problem was as soon as the trip began (the kaleidoscope of colours everywhere) I freaked out and refused to smoke anymore. Lol

DMT is quite an initiation. Not something I'd recommend a first-timer to try, but then I rarely recommend anyone to involve themselves with psychedelics.

I have a borderline paranoid personality by nature, and schizophrenia is in my gene pool, along with a whole other host of multiple personality type family members who are largely undiagnosed but most definitely insane.

Even weed causes me to over think at times and I have to pull myself up.
If I started seeing shit that isn’t even there, I truly worry if I’d come out of it with my sanity in tact lol

In this case, be careful... Whereas I understand that the habitual knee-jerk warning against using psychedelics when at-risk for schizophrenia may be slightly overblown, it's still something to seriously consider, even apparently when contemplating microdosing.

I'd suggest to look into the works of mr James Fadiman, and this forum for sure has a lot of resources when it comes to this topic. There is a great subreddit devoted to the topic as well. r/microdosing if I'm not mistaken.

Good luck!

 

[Chris Timothy]

Yes, thank you. Letting go of outcomes can be a profound way out of existential despair, and into flow states where everything becomes naturally imbued with meaning. And quite apart from the activities of thought, which we might otherwise rely on to give meaning. Letting go of outcomes in this way runs counter to our basic obsession with causality, which to be honest has given us a lot, but has also precipitated so much suffering. Which I realize is a causal statement, and thereby unintentionally illustrates the limits of language when discussing these interesting dimensions of human experience. blablabla...

The quote you mentioned is perfectly on point, which reminds me of one by Ajahn Chah, a Thai meditation master: "If you let go a little, you get a little happiness. Let go a lot, and you'll get a lot of happiness. Letting go completely leads to complete peace."

But then of course, venerable Chah did not have kids...

It's true, historically the spiritual quest was only meant to be undertaken after the eldest son had taken over the family business, so to speak. It's been very much a thing for retired people.

Though the artist is allowed mixing things up a bit.