well, where I am now vs. my first post, not much has changed. although, I am now on suboxone and have been doing MUCH BETTER w/o shooting dope.
problems are still there, tho. still have probation hanging over my head for my 2nd DUI; also have a class on Thursdays at 12 that fuck u my work schedule but my PO tells me I MUST GO! its not easy to get to a class that is about 15 mins from your house when you do NOT HAVE A FUCKING CAR! this class truly fucks up my life on Thursdays, but oh well, its my own fault, right?
hopefully come July I am able to get my license back; wont be my full time license but even my workers permit is FINE BY ME! just pray for me, peeps! I just finished the week in house DUI course/class; it wasnt bad at all. I actually had fun, believe it or not, ha. everyone in there had the same problems, same type of life, same everything, so its nice to find others who are in the same type shit you are, ya know!? even found some "junkies" in there, so I wasnt the only one.
so, yea, life isnt easy right now, but I am GETTING SOBER and not reliant on the needle daily, so that helps a fucking ton. no longer spending $100+/day on dope, waiting on the dope man, being dope sick, shitting my pants, etc. its so GREAT not to have these problems anymore. but at the same time I still think in the back of my head of using; ill even text the dope man just to say HI, lol. its NOT GOOD and ill eventually end up shooting something. I just hope after that shot I realize its NOTHING FOR ME and want NOTHING TO DO W/ IT! I almost feel like I must use again to let myself know I dont need it, ya get it?
I am far from sober; I still use "other" drugs, like benzos to sleep, here and there. I barely "abuse" them but ill take .5 or 1MG when I can sleep and it knocks me out. I do use Phenibut and Gabapentin as "fun" things to do during the day. ill also still "consider" smoking weed but dont smoke other. besides that, its just Suboxone which is saving my fucking ass; always liked this stuff so much more than Methadone or anything else; I truly feel NOTHING and no need for dope on this stuff. on Methadone I would want to use/still use almost daily, the entire time on methadone. it didnt do shit for me, man. oh well.
so, my life has NOT changed much, and I still need a lot of HELP and MONEY and things to come my way, but at the same time I am NOT USING DAILY and honestly feel "great" overall about what is being done.
one day at a time, right? well, I feel great today.. so lets see about tomorrow.
problems are still there, tho. still have probation hanging over my head for my 2nd DUI; also have a class on Thursdays at 12 that fuck u my work schedule but my PO tells me I MUST GO! its not easy to get to a class that is about 15 mins from your house when you do NOT HAVE A FUCKING CAR! this class truly fucks up my life on Thursdays, but oh well, its my own fault, right?
hopefully come July I am able to get my license back; wont be my full time license but even my workers permit is FINE BY ME! just pray for me, peeps! I just finished the week in house DUI course/class; it wasnt bad at all. I actually had fun, believe it or not, ha. everyone in there had the same problems, same type of life, same everything, so its nice to find others who are in the same type shit you are, ya know!? even found some "junkies" in there, so I wasnt the only one.
so, yea, life isnt easy right now, but I am GETTING SOBER and not reliant on the needle daily, so that helps a fucking ton. no longer spending $100+/day on dope, waiting on the dope man, being dope sick, shitting my pants, etc. its so GREAT not to have these problems anymore. but at the same time I still think in the back of my head of using; ill even text the dope man just to say HI, lol. its NOT GOOD and ill eventually end up shooting something. I just hope after that shot I realize its NOTHING FOR ME and want NOTHING TO DO W/ IT! I almost feel like I must use again to let myself know I dont need it, ya get it?
I am far from sober; I still use "other" drugs, like benzos to sleep, here and there. I barely "abuse" them but ill take .5 or 1MG when I can sleep and it knocks me out. I do use Phenibut and Gabapentin as "fun" things to do during the day. ill also still "consider" smoking weed but dont smoke other. besides that, its just Suboxone which is saving my fucking ass; always liked this stuff so much more than Methadone or anything else; I truly feel NOTHING and no need for dope on this stuff. on Methadone I would want to use/still use almost daily, the entire time on methadone. it didnt do shit for me, man. oh well.
so, my life has NOT changed much, and I still need a lot of HELP and MONEY and things to come my way, but at the same time I am NOT USING DAILY and honestly feel "great" overall about what is being done.
one day at a time, right? well, I feel great today.. so lets see about tomorrow.
I know the court ordered stuff sucks--they throw all those requirements at people that are struggling to find a job or hold down the one they have; like that will help?
