Hey BL. I've been hanging around, reading about you all, for 2 years. Thought it was time to finally say "hi"...
Feb. 6, 2017, I fell on the ice and crushed L1, mangled a couple of other vertebrae and just like that, my whole life changed. It took over a year to find a surgeon who would take on the repair, as bone shards were dangerously close to my spinal chord. I began taking pain meds 9 months after the injury. I couldn't sit or stand. The waiting was crazy.
April of 2018, I underwent MAJOR spinal reconstruction. I, truthfully, have never seen an xray of more metal in anyone's back, than I have. Nine hours into the surgery, my body threw in the towel. I coded. I flatlined..I have NO idea why the incredible surgical team would not give up on me. Forty-six minutes of CPR, shocked 7 times with the paddle. I spent a little over 2 weeks on the ventilator, my poor husband and everyone else, were convinced that if I pulled through (they gave me 15% chance), heart/brain damage would be significant. They call me the ICU miracle.
The pain...
When I was able to withstand another surgery, MORE metal and huge screws were needed in a second fusion. My back? Was indescribably wrecked. My front? Broken ribs, cracked sternum, nerve damage...
I had a PIC line, and they pushed Dilauted EVERY hour, straight to my bloodstream/heart. Oxycontin, oxycodone, Demerol . My daily meds were insane.
Almost 3 years later, now. I will most likely be on pain meds for the rest of my life, but have actually brought myself down to "as needed", something I wasn't sure I'd be able to do. Ever. I imagine I will have to face dependency again, should I ever take opiods on a regular basis.
Blue lighters have kept me company many, many sleepless, pain-wracked nights. I'd never done drugs, which is a little weird since I've been a professional (rock) musician my entire life. Maybe I got lucky? Maybe I saw what they did to so many people I've loved. But now I have an incredible respect, empathy, compassion, for so many who struggle with this shit. Opiods are an incredible gift. Opiods are also terrible curse. Thank you, BL, for all the help, information, humor, tears, reality. You've helped me beyond measure...
Feb. 6, 2017, I fell on the ice and crushed L1, mangled a couple of other vertebrae and just like that, my whole life changed. It took over a year to find a surgeon who would take on the repair, as bone shards were dangerously close to my spinal chord. I began taking pain meds 9 months after the injury. I couldn't sit or stand. The waiting was crazy.
April of 2018, I underwent MAJOR spinal reconstruction. I, truthfully, have never seen an xray of more metal in anyone's back, than I have. Nine hours into the surgery, my body threw in the towel. I coded. I flatlined..I have NO idea why the incredible surgical team would not give up on me. Forty-six minutes of CPR, shocked 7 times with the paddle. I spent a little over 2 weeks on the ventilator, my poor husband and everyone else, were convinced that if I pulled through (they gave me 15% chance), heart/brain damage would be significant. They call me the ICU miracle.
The pain...
When I was able to withstand another surgery, MORE metal and huge screws were needed in a second fusion. My back? Was indescribably wrecked. My front? Broken ribs, cracked sternum, nerve damage...
I had a PIC line, and they pushed Dilauted EVERY hour, straight to my bloodstream/heart. Oxycontin, oxycodone, Demerol . My daily meds were insane.
Almost 3 years later, now. I will most likely be on pain meds for the rest of my life, but have actually brought myself down to "as needed", something I wasn't sure I'd be able to do. Ever. I imagine I will have to face dependency again, should I ever take opiods on a regular basis.
Blue lighters have kept me company many, many sleepless, pain-wracked nights. I'd never done drugs, which is a little weird since I've been a professional (rock) musician my entire life. Maybe I got lucky? Maybe I saw what they did to so many people I've loved. But now I have an incredible respect, empathy, compassion, for so many who struggle with this shit. Opiods are an incredible gift. Opiods are also terrible curse. Thank you, BL, for all the help, information, humor, tears, reality. You've helped me beyond measure...
