AgonyAndEcstasy781
Bluelighter
Ive been lurking bluelight for years now and figured I might as well register as I've got a lot of free time on my hands now. I've already learned a lot from this community and look forward to learning plenty more. After 10 years of avid and often reckless drug use Ive also got plenty of experience and knowledge to share. My drug use (and abuse) has unfortunately become the defining element of my life and has taken me to some amazing heights and also to soul-crushing lows. Due to a recent episode I've been doing some soul-searching regarding my use.
I'm in my late twenties, from the Boston area and have education and training in the mental health field. A bit ironic considering I'm a bit touched in the head myself. I did most of my using in New England and in Southern California.
Over the past decade Ive been battling an addiction to opiates. I started by popping Percocet and Vicodin and progressed to a full-fledged IV heroin habit (as you do). I've been through detox and rehab many times, been through sober houses, been through hardcore 12-step programs, been through methadone and suboxone maintenance, been through jail, been through diversion programs, been through junkie girlfriends. Still, I keep coming back, like a dog to its own vomit. There is something so disgustingly seductive about heroin and the junkie lifestyle, even beyond the pleasure of the drug itself. It makes life so simple and predictable. The good news is I'm currently opiate free for the first time in four years - all it took was a disastrous, country-spanning bender and subsequent jailhouse detox to convince me things were getting out of hand.
I also have massive experience with uppers and downers of all shapes and sizes. I've gone through some rough times with benzo and alcohol dependency. Since heroin addiction goes hand-in-hand with a fixation on needles, I have a wide range of experience IVing everything from cocaine, crystal meth, MDMA, ketamine, even bath salts, as well as just about every pill known to man at one point or another.
I have experience with a wide range of psychedelics and also have plenty of experience with "legal highs" like kratom and phenibut. I recently underwent a forced cold turkey detox from high-dose phenibut - in jail - that led to a full psychotic break, vivid hallucinations, and complex delusions that I couldn't shake for months. I've also been a regular stoner for 12 years.
Basically, if it gives you a buzz, I've been there, with a vengeance. Seen the good side of bad, and the downside of up, and everything between. I've got more war stories than you could shake a big book at. I've still got plenty to learn however and I'm really trying to move on from the unbridled hedonism of my wasted youth. I'm especially interested in the experience of those who have managed to recover from this kind of use and have achieved some degree of moderation or abstinence. I've had to basically start my life over half a dozen times now and it's getting old. Although I've seen a whole lot of partying and good times, I've also become an expert at burning bridges, losing jobs, and getting myself wrapped up in ridiculous legal trouble. Although I'd like to put it all down to a "bohemian lifestyle", a pattern is emerging and at this point it really needs to be addressed.
I haven't yet quit using altogether but i have shaken my dependence on benzos and alcohol, and have stopped using opiates and benzos altogether. There is something about opiates and benzos that always seems to draw me back into a pattern of reckless use and addiction, without fail. However, the idea of life without any booze or drugs is also terrifying.
I've tried sober living before and i was fucking miserable, even after months of abstinence. Bored out of my tits and an awkward wreck around women - i just could not loosen up and relax, ever. I have nightmarish memories of forced attempts at "sober good times" - try being the only dude at a party who can't drink, while everyone else gets wasted - and horrifyingly tense sober dates with "good clean girls", talking about things like their favorite tanning salons, their favorite ringtones and iPhone apps, and about their latest adventure at Starbucks. It was obviously enough to drive me to drink and drug again.
So yeah I've got a lot of work to do and a lot to think about. Good to be here, I'm sure there's a few people here who can relate to my experience. I've got a bit to learn about this thing called "responsible drug use".
I'm in my late twenties, from the Boston area and have education and training in the mental health field. A bit ironic considering I'm a bit touched in the head myself. I did most of my using in New England and in Southern California.
Over the past decade Ive been battling an addiction to opiates. I started by popping Percocet and Vicodin and progressed to a full-fledged IV heroin habit (as you do). I've been through detox and rehab many times, been through sober houses, been through hardcore 12-step programs, been through methadone and suboxone maintenance, been through jail, been through diversion programs, been through junkie girlfriends. Still, I keep coming back, like a dog to its own vomit. There is something so disgustingly seductive about heroin and the junkie lifestyle, even beyond the pleasure of the drug itself. It makes life so simple and predictable. The good news is I'm currently opiate free for the first time in four years - all it took was a disastrous, country-spanning bender and subsequent jailhouse detox to convince me things were getting out of hand.
I also have massive experience with uppers and downers of all shapes and sizes. I've gone through some rough times with benzo and alcohol dependency. Since heroin addiction goes hand-in-hand with a fixation on needles, I have a wide range of experience IVing everything from cocaine, crystal meth, MDMA, ketamine, even bath salts, as well as just about every pill known to man at one point or another.
I have experience with a wide range of psychedelics and also have plenty of experience with "legal highs" like kratom and phenibut. I recently underwent a forced cold turkey detox from high-dose phenibut - in jail - that led to a full psychotic break, vivid hallucinations, and complex delusions that I couldn't shake for months. I've also been a regular stoner for 12 years.
Basically, if it gives you a buzz, I've been there, with a vengeance. Seen the good side of bad, and the downside of up, and everything between. I've got more war stories than you could shake a big book at. I've still got plenty to learn however and I'm really trying to move on from the unbridled hedonism of my wasted youth. I'm especially interested in the experience of those who have managed to recover from this kind of use and have achieved some degree of moderation or abstinence. I've had to basically start my life over half a dozen times now and it's getting old. Although I've seen a whole lot of partying and good times, I've also become an expert at burning bridges, losing jobs, and getting myself wrapped up in ridiculous legal trouble. Although I'd like to put it all down to a "bohemian lifestyle", a pattern is emerging and at this point it really needs to be addressed.
I haven't yet quit using altogether but i have shaken my dependence on benzos and alcohol, and have stopped using opiates and benzos altogether. There is something about opiates and benzos that always seems to draw me back into a pattern of reckless use and addiction, without fail. However, the idea of life without any booze or drugs is also terrifying.
I've tried sober living before and i was fucking miserable, even after months of abstinence. Bored out of my tits and an awkward wreck around women - i just could not loosen up and relax, ever. I have nightmarish memories of forced attempts at "sober good times" - try being the only dude at a party who can't drink, while everyone else gets wasted - and horrifyingly tense sober dates with "good clean girls", talking about things like their favorite tanning salons, their favorite ringtones and iPhone apps, and about their latest adventure at Starbucks. It was obviously enough to drive me to drink and drug again.
So yeah I've got a lot of work to do and a lot to think about. Good to be here, I'm sure there's a few people here who can relate to my experience. I've got a bit to learn about this thing called "responsible drug use".
