kayteelaytee
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Oct 6, 2014
- Messages
- 3
Hi my name is Kaytee, or Kayte, whichever ya like.
When I was in grade school there were always at least 3 Katies...so I changed mine from KatIE to KatY, and it was that for years....then last year I decided that KatY was getting to overused and now have gone with Kaytee....it actually makes more sense. I mean, I grew up on being a Phonics junkie, I mean talk about being hooked, I so was. So my name now fits my addiction lol.
Of course I have more grown up addictions now. There was something else that I was involved with in childhood, Juvenile Rheumatoid Arthritis. I was born with it. I am 34 now. My bones are that of an elderly persons. I am in pain all the time. And its not just in one spot. It's every part of my body that bends.
The Rheumatoid Arthritis (the juvenile was dropped after 18)loves to hit the parts of your body that bed....the essentials like knees...which is my worst damaged parts. In fact at my last orthopedic appoitnment thedoctor said “Whoa, I've NEVER seen knees in this bad of shape” - but he still refused to do my knee replacement because he feels it's too risky, I “could lose a leg” which to me and I don't mean this to blittle amputees, but what would the big difference be if I did lose the leg above the knee. I mean, I have to be a wheelchair most of the time these days anyway and at least if it were lobbed off it would just hurt constantly. It makes me wonder why that isn't a real choice...but whatever.
My right knee is the worst, but my left knee is cathcing up. And as of late I've had a treat....my arms will no longer straighten out. Ortho did xrays, yup, my elbows are shot. My wrists and fingers are in danger too. But I try to keep them as limber as I Can with typing and piano, but I gotta say that sometimes I think its bullshit...the whold line “if you have RA you HAVE TO KEEP MOVEMENT in the affected areas....well...as a child my grandmother (my grandparents and my mom all lived together and my mom worked 8-5 so nan was in charged primarily of my healthcare) was a little tiny hitler about my exercises and making me do ballet even though I sucked at it b/c I could not really do all the moves but I did my best.
I also rode horses, which, that only helped in making fearful of ever having to ride horses. I was thrown so many times that I ever even got to learn how to the jumping or the cantoring. I don't know why but those hroses must've felt how scared I was and I just nerved them out. I actually loved horses when I Was a girl and collected these nice plastic models of each breed, but I was so small and the horses were so big in person, I was scared of falling and looked what happened. I kept going b/c my g'ma wouldn't have had it any other way, but I still to this day hate horses but I know that they are why I have such good posture.
I also took ballet to loosen my fingers. I think that one may have worked the best. The others may have helped some but not enough. And since I was a kid in the 80's. There was no option but school. No one wanted me homeschool bc they thought I would be a complete social misfit, much like I am now shock – And my grandmother didn't want me in “special school” b/c she said it was for thr crazies (she was of an older generation born in 1922). So all that was left was public or privare. We lived in a smallish town so we started with public. Kindergartn was fine. I only one on person ever say anything to ma about being different.
You see I had and have a pronounced limp b/c my right knee does not straighten back all the way..like if I sit on the floor, my left knee, like all normal folks knees, will lay flat out on the gym floot....or w/e floor....but my right knee will not, I t stays bendt with about a 4 inch gap from the bottom of the knee to the floor. Nothing can be done about it. Physical therapy got it down a little bit more, but the only way is a knee replacement and no one will do that till.
Ironically, I'm old. I mean hey, who needs a good set of knees in their early 30;s....much better to make me live on disability b/c the pain and fatigue has made me unable to work. But I try to work at home on little things like fixing computers or transcribing stuff, or writing e-books. Not enough money to live on, thats for sure, and neither is disability...suck.
I had a remission during college and I ended up gwtting m communication degree and immediately got on on-air nres reporter and then another job where I directed TV news. I was so h appy. I was going strong. I even met the love of my life. I thought that after all the suffering of my childhood I'd finally been given the reqwards. Then about a week before my 26th birthday, symptoms of active Rheumatoid started to creep up. I was in denial, big time, then one day it all caught up to me and I had a nervous breakdown then my entire body was hit again and I had to go on disability.
Now I'm 34 in the same state. I live alone, or well, rather, with my mom, but not with a man, the “love of my life” said I became too depressed after I got sick...so after 10 years together, he just walked out. That didn't make things any easier considering he was the one who suggested we start shooting my pills up. He had been a heroin addict, years before I met him. And I didn't realize bringing in my pain pills would have any effect on him. He played me. Asking for a pill at night cos his back hurt. It slippery slop-ed from there and then suddenly we were junkies. Running out my pills, having to find heroin as a stop gap measure. The last time we spoke he had the nerve to say that it wasnt the drugs, no, he could have kept doing that, it was my depression....I have spoken to him since. Besides we havent seen each other in over 2 years now, so fuck him.
Well, nowadays I am on 60mg of methadone a day and 30mgs of Opana IR for breakthruogh. It's still not enough but I make sure I dont run out of pills. I mean even if I have a terrible flare day, I just take the same amount. Doc won't up the dose, so what can I do. But it's been the best mixture for pain relief.
Anyway, Hell, and I just wanna say I love Bluelight. I figure I use it so much I migth as well join, so I hope you enjoyed my intro and I look fwd to our interchanges.
When I was in grade school there were always at least 3 Katies...so I changed mine from KatIE to KatY, and it was that for years....then last year I decided that KatY was getting to overused and now have gone with Kaytee....it actually makes more sense. I mean, I grew up on being a Phonics junkie, I mean talk about being hooked, I so was. So my name now fits my addiction lol.
Of course I have more grown up addictions now. There was something else that I was involved with in childhood, Juvenile Rheumatoid Arthritis. I was born with it. I am 34 now. My bones are that of an elderly persons. I am in pain all the time. And its not just in one spot. It's every part of my body that bends.
The Rheumatoid Arthritis (the juvenile was dropped after 18)loves to hit the parts of your body that bed....the essentials like knees...which is my worst damaged parts. In fact at my last orthopedic appoitnment thedoctor said “Whoa, I've NEVER seen knees in this bad of shape” - but he still refused to do my knee replacement because he feels it's too risky, I “could lose a leg” which to me and I don't mean this to blittle amputees, but what would the big difference be if I did lose the leg above the knee. I mean, I have to be a wheelchair most of the time these days anyway and at least if it were lobbed off it would just hurt constantly. It makes me wonder why that isn't a real choice...but whatever.
My right knee is the worst, but my left knee is cathcing up. And as of late I've had a treat....my arms will no longer straighten out. Ortho did xrays, yup, my elbows are shot. My wrists and fingers are in danger too. But I try to keep them as limber as I Can with typing and piano, but I gotta say that sometimes I think its bullshit...the whold line “if you have RA you HAVE TO KEEP MOVEMENT in the affected areas....well...as a child my grandmother (my grandparents and my mom all lived together and my mom worked 8-5 so nan was in charged primarily of my healthcare) was a little tiny hitler about my exercises and making me do ballet even though I sucked at it b/c I could not really do all the moves but I did my best.
I also rode horses, which, that only helped in making fearful of ever having to ride horses. I was thrown so many times that I ever even got to learn how to the jumping or the cantoring. I don't know why but those hroses must've felt how scared I was and I just nerved them out. I actually loved horses when I Was a girl and collected these nice plastic models of each breed, but I was so small and the horses were so big in person, I was scared of falling and looked what happened. I kept going b/c my g'ma wouldn't have had it any other way, but I still to this day hate horses but I know that they are why I have such good posture.
I also took ballet to loosen my fingers. I think that one may have worked the best. The others may have helped some but not enough. And since I was a kid in the 80's. There was no option but school. No one wanted me homeschool bc they thought I would be a complete social misfit, much like I am now shock – And my grandmother didn't want me in “special school” b/c she said it was for thr crazies (she was of an older generation born in 1922). So all that was left was public or privare. We lived in a smallish town so we started with public. Kindergartn was fine. I only one on person ever say anything to ma about being different.
You see I had and have a pronounced limp b/c my right knee does not straighten back all the way..like if I sit on the floor, my left knee, like all normal folks knees, will lay flat out on the gym floot....or w/e floor....but my right knee will not, I t stays bendt with about a 4 inch gap from the bottom of the knee to the floor. Nothing can be done about it. Physical therapy got it down a little bit more, but the only way is a knee replacement and no one will do that till.
Ironically, I'm old. I mean hey, who needs a good set of knees in their early 30;s....much better to make me live on disability b/c the pain and fatigue has made me unable to work. But I try to work at home on little things like fixing computers or transcribing stuff, or writing e-books. Not enough money to live on, thats for sure, and neither is disability...suck.
I had a remission during college and I ended up gwtting m communication degree and immediately got on on-air nres reporter and then another job where I directed TV news. I was so h appy. I was going strong. I even met the love of my life. I thought that after all the suffering of my childhood I'd finally been given the reqwards. Then about a week before my 26th birthday, symptoms of active Rheumatoid started to creep up. I was in denial, big time, then one day it all caught up to me and I had a nervous breakdown then my entire body was hit again and I had to go on disability.
Now I'm 34 in the same state. I live alone, or well, rather, with my mom, but not with a man, the “love of my life” said I became too depressed after I got sick...so after 10 years together, he just walked out. That didn't make things any easier considering he was the one who suggested we start shooting my pills up. He had been a heroin addict, years before I met him. And I didn't realize bringing in my pain pills would have any effect on him. He played me. Asking for a pill at night cos his back hurt. It slippery slop-ed from there and then suddenly we were junkies. Running out my pills, having to find heroin as a stop gap measure. The last time we spoke he had the nerve to say that it wasnt the drugs, no, he could have kept doing that, it was my depression....I have spoken to him since. Besides we havent seen each other in over 2 years now, so fuck him.
Well, nowadays I am on 60mg of methadone a day and 30mgs of Opana IR for breakthruogh. It's still not enough but I make sure I dont run out of pills. I mean even if I have a terrible flare day, I just take the same amount. Doc won't up the dose, so what can I do. But it's been the best mixture for pain relief.
Anyway, Hell, and I just wanna say I love Bluelight. I figure I use it so much I migth as well join, so I hope you enjoyed my intro and I look fwd to our interchanges.
Last edited by a moderator:
I edited in a couple paragraphs so more people can read it just a bit better. Donetherebeenthat is exactly right like, we're all so twisted in our own weird ways. Its what gives many of us our passions and makes us happy, but more importantly it makes us who we are.
