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Helpmeescapethis

Bluelighter
Joined
Dec 10, 2019
Messages
218
Hi all,

Bluelight has been a massive part of my life. I never felt a need to post, and was content just browsing this wealth of knowledge and entertainment, living vicariously through others. Only dreaming of someday having the money to live the lives I’ve seen detailed here.

Well, now I have an amazing career that I’m at risk of losing, should something happen. You see, I’ve been using fentanyl HCl for years now. Even throughout all the crackdowns on it, I’ve busted my ass to find a way. I purchase in bulk only a few times per year.

For the last five years this has gone swimmingly! But recently, I acquired some isotonitazene as it became available. It raised my tolerance quicker and more severely than fentanyl ever could have. This has triggered a crisis of sorts, for me.

It got me thinking about what will happen if I were to have a terrible car accident? No amount of anesthesia will help. What if I lose my supply somehow? What if my drug screen needs to be monitored for some reason (that’s illegal though, so I’m safe there). I now am depressed, constantly. I’m terrified and living in a state of near panic. I have obsession with this problem that only makes it worse.

Thanks for being here, bluelight. I appreciate all of you.
 
First: Welcome and thanks for joining up.
Seems one is in a world of shit that if not wanted would have to be tapered off over time to the lowest dosage possible... then maybe something else to help out at the end of the cessation.
Not sure what plans one may have (if any) but I know that state of panic (if I were claustrophobic I would liken the feeling). Personally I have this cloud over me constantly. Each time I get some light there is always something to come along and block the sun.
But seriously: One can get free of this but with dedication, patience and control. Its a mantra of mine... sorry. One may not ever be free of the chains but one can control the weight of the burden.
I went through fucking hell when I first came off fent (and other opis) with benzos. Was ignorant but learned here that if one can taper while staying half-way stable/sane (lol) if getting off of any substance: This may or may not be often....
The usage (IMO) of the chems related here cannot be sustained.
Best always,
Ptah
 
@Helpmeescapethis ; Welcome to a great place:love:!

"I’m becoming more and more okay with the idea of being stuck on this shit forever. "
and;
"what will happen if I were to have a terrible car accident? No amount of anesthesia will help. What if I lose my supply somehow? "

I posted these separate to show me the insanity of Denial !!The first sentence does not address the problems ( and others sure to follow) of the second???

You need to taper and lower your tolerance.! Having been able to work out a dose of fentanyl. and a supply networked that worked for a good long while, your disease has now Felt the need for MORE !! This is the second time this week that I have heard about the new RC isotonitazene , Wow just what this problem needs is a very long life Benzo & Opiate new drug that raises tolerance quickly, sucks to withdraw, and Very strong, should not be used outside of a hospital setting with ICU available!!! Just sounds like a Great help for the Body Bag Business:cry:
So I do not know your age, or situation, but It does not Suck yet as Much as it can and will, if you don,t back off!! This drug sounds like the Tolerances for Safe use is very very tight. And as addicts we don,t always pay that close attention to use,we are doing it to get fucked up , and that does not lead to disciplined actions. So start your tapper, as soon as possible. I know that being sick going in to the holidays Sucks, but there is also a huge outbreak of the Flu in the southern states, so a good cover. Also Tapper, and comfort drugs are a must!!! This does not sound like a CT type of drug to get off of??
All is well - ICE
 
Helpmeescapethis said:
I now am depressed, constantly. I’m terrified and living in a state of near panic. I have obsession with this problem that only makes it worse.
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Helpmeescapethis said:
..., but I’m becoming more and more okay with the idea of being stuck on this shit forever.
Click to expand...
What about becoming OK with the burden posted previously? It does not get better, IME.
 
Helpmeescapethis said:
It got me thinking about what will happen if I were to have a terrible car accident? No amount of anesthesia will help. What if I lose my supply somehow? What if my drug screen needs to be monitored for some reason (that’s illegal though, so I’m safe there). I now am depressed, constantly. I’m terrified and living in a state of near panic. I have obsession with this problem that only makes it worse.
Click to expand...
Obsessing over it is the worst thing you can do. you can and will survive withut opiates or atleast a lesser amt, if your use is that high, may i suggest you taper, maybe on your own or better, with a decent doctor
Iceman1216 said:
So start your tapper, as soon as possible. I know that being sick going in to the holidays Sucks
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well he beat me to it :unsure: :unsure: ;)


You need to taper. this is your only option, Don't be afriad though tolerance drops FAST. you'd be able to use 1/4 of your usage if that after 2 weeks of abstinence, i remember the week n a half of wd.. idk how but i managed to drink several bottles of liquor / day during the first 3-4 days, come day 5 well, you can imagine that it wasn't a good day. for the next 7 days (yeah 12 whole days of wd before i said "fuck it i'm going to my doctor and i don't give a shit i believe in him" so i went to see him, the secretart pushed me in right away because ilooked like the living dead, he asked what was wrong, i told him i needed medications, got scolded for not calling him before taking extra and running out, he said never to do it again and to call him if i need to take more, which i never had to do but he'd raised my doses considerably, i miss my doctor i'm going to die in march. ugghhhh maaaarch fuck march. thats when my script runs out, pray for me ps. i got off topic after that wd, and i took my meds, my god. i have never nodded so much in my life. i remember a nod where i kept telling myself, im certainly awake, and i swore everything was a dream, intense. i can't even achieve that with a morph / hydromorph iv solution

Helpmeescapethis said:
but I’m becoming more and more okay with the idea of being stuck on this shit forever.
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its tough, right? its going to be a 2500$+ bill to buy my shit off the street when my script is up, ugh... fuck, but you'll be alright dude lower your tolerance, to where dope or morphine work, and then youre in a safety zone, but try not to think of it as 'life' or part of your soul, in the end, they are just drugs i'll attach a photo of my daily meds i took awhile ago for someone, theres a kadian missing (100mg morphine)

So if you think your situation is bad, don't worry theres worse man. do you wana switch places with me?my meds.jpg
 
Zonxx said:
I FORGOT WELCOME!
Stay safe!
~Zonxx
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Thank you all for the words and the welcome. I appreciate it greatly. I don’t believe I’ll be making myself sick for the holidays though, it’s just not possible for me at this time.

But $2500?! Shit like that is exactly why I switched to fent and iso. At least I’m actually saving money.
 
Helpmeescapethis said:
Thank you all for the words and the welcome. I appreciate it greatly. I don’t believe I’ll be making myself sick for the holidays though, it’s just not possible for me at this time.

But $2500?! Shit like that is exactly why I switched to fent and iso. At least I’m actually saving money.
Click to expand...
you know things are bad when you slam pills :/
 
@Helpmeescapethis , The problem with saving money , but increasing your tolerance is that someday your Drugs will run out, and you have to pay the piper; if you don't Die first :cry:
I really may not have any place in this thread due to the fact that my DOC with opiates is NORCO 10/325 generics, from my Dr. Its not a big habit at 20 -30 mgs per day depending on how hard i work and push myself. I have chronic pain in shoulder and neck , jaw due to radiation from cancer treatments. But after 5-6 years of daily use I am dependent, and the withdrawals are not pleasant 3-5 days suck, then lack of sleep, that wonderful loose stools, and the lack of energy and depression of PAWS.
But again not sure of your age, but doing this for the rest of your Life with the drugs you are doing will take discipline with your use, and trry to stay away from those RCs!! That is a Whole other dace with the Devil from what I have heard and seen.
 
Iceman1216 said:
but increasing your tolerance is that someday your Drugs will run out, and you have to pay the piper; if you don't Die first :cry:
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crap. if there were ever pure true words there they are ^

but damn iceman, i sympathize sooooooo much for ya. im in the exact same boat, it's sinking btw! atleast my end of the boat because my script runs out in march, and if i can get it renewed, it'l gonna be very $expensive$ yay ... im so screwed.
 
@Zonxx , why will you “ Lose your script? Did your Dr retire, or move? I am seeing that more and more in my small Town. The new kids are afraid to continue the scripts from older Drs who may have had patients on certain meds for Decades!!!
I am 60 years old, and a prominent member of my community, if I have no problem with my current Care why the Fuck does a Wet behind the ears child , think they need to change everything 😫😫
 
This bothers me too 😢

Combined with loss of vein access it becomes irrational fear.

I just hope that when it comes, death is fast.

Sorry I have no advice, this is the life we chose.

Taper away ;)
 
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