Long Time Lurker Coming Out of the Shadows

[Isthisreal90]

Greetings bluelight world!

I’ve found myself on this site for a few years now. I started because my BF is a recovering IV heroin addict whose stabilized on Methadone.

I’m a female in my late 20’s who, like many others, is essentially quarantined until further notice. I have always struggled with alcohol and alcoholism does run in my family. Though my DOC is undoubtedly miss Mary Jane and I absolutely love her in every form. I LOVE having dabs on me and notice it helps make my flower supply last.

I honestly have never even cared for the taste of booze. But I am currently addicted to numbing myself. I struggle with depression and anxiety and this has been undoubtedly one of the hardest times I’ve faced battling myself in my own head. I am drinking practically every day & it is finally starting to take a toll on my emotional well-being. (Physically, too, I’m sure).

I work with dogs. They are way better than people. I’m an INFJ (any MBTI peeps out here?) Love music, no one expects me to be a metal head but I am. I’m truly far off from what most people expect after my first impression.

Anywho, just wanted to take a minute to finally say hello. I’ve been extremely grateful for this site countless times and I look forward to meeting more like-minded people.

 

[PtahTek]

Greetings bluelight world!

Greetings, yerself, young lady. Just fuckin' 'round.
Welcome to BL and glad to have ya. Peeps make the world spin (not easter peeps, peeps ).

I work with dogs. They are way better than people.

Most animals I run across are superior to humans in social behaviour and all things *love. Animals help keep me "balanced" as they own me and I do their bidding as needed/wanted. They remind me of what instincts humans have eschewed as rubbish and went "blind".
Ahhh. could talk hours about the healing animals have freely given to myself and others. *tears drop

no one expects me to be

That's underestimating; which can be quite fatal in the animal kingdom. hahahah ahhhhhhhhhh what an enigma. dammitman.
Oh before I get too loopy as 'bout to pass out:
It's all here... the hugs, tears, worrying, laughing, bickering, ladidadida all the family stuff. It would appear that we tend to grow off each other and the continuum is complete... tree of life? I know metaphor: The fruit of the knowledge of *good/*evil = judgement, IMO and this is not where it's at (unless one wants to be punished...?).
Good night: Surely others will come out and play for a while. Take care and see ya inna bit.
Respect
Always
Ptah

 

[Ds]

Hey and welcome to Bluelight @Isthisreal90 =)
There is ton's of friendly and support sub-forums here on Bluelight.
We have a forum that is about health and recovery, Health and Recovery . Which is a great place to go and talk about anything in life that could be about recovery wise, among other things.

Just kind of explore and see where you think you might fit in. =)

 

[Jabberwocky]

Hey, what's up

I'm an INTP/J - close enough? And i work with animals too as a job! Are you essential, for the corona, too?

You may enjoy checking out Mental Health as well. But where ever you may roam, you'll find lots of like minded, nonjudgmental people, IMO.

Welcome to Bluelight!

 

[Helpmeescapethis]

Welcome home! This place is one the last bastions of a specific discussion site dedicated to one subject.

Forums like this are sadly dying out as reddit and Facebook groups are becoming more and more popular

Bluelight has been and continues the single greatest place to discuss all manner of subjects pertaining to or related to drugs, psychoactive or not.

But as you’re a lurker prior to now, you probably already know all this!

Regardless, we’re very glad to have you. Hope this wonderful place continues to help you the way it has helped me over the years

 

[Isthisreal90]

Thank you all for the warm welcomes!
Forgive me as I stumble my way through figuring out the site, how to actually make posts & reply to threads & whatnot.

Hey and welcome to Bluelight @Isthisreal90 =)
There is ton's of friendly and support sub-forums here on Bluelight.
We have a forum that is about health and recovery, Health and Recovery . Which is a great place to go and talk about anything in life that could be about recovery wise, among other things.

Thank you for the suggestion D! Will certainly make my way around there soon.

Most animals I run across are superior to humans in social behaviour and all things *love. Animals help keep me "balanced" as they own me and I do their bidding as needed/wanted. They remind me of what instincts humans have eschewed as rubbish and went "blind".
Ahhh. could talk hours about the healing animals have freely given to myself and others. *tears

PtahI agree with this 100%. They have taught me so much about compassion and empathy. When I was studying Psychology I knew if I ever got to the level of having my own private practice, I was always going to have a therapy dog in the office.

Hey, what's up

I'm an INTP/J - close enough? And i work with animals too as a job! Are you essential, for the corona, too?

You may enjoy checking out Mental Health as well. But where ever you may roam, you'll find lots of like minded, nonjudgmental people, IMO.

Welcome to Bluelight!

What’s up Madness! I’ve followed some of your posts for awhile now & have always been intrigued. Nice to officially meet you

Good on ya for the Meyers Briggs comment! I got my degree in psychology so I’m a bit of a nerd. I’m in one of the many states in the Midwest of US that is technically on a state-wide mandated “lock-down”. We teeter on the “essential” because we may have pet parents who are first responders. But we are a brand new location only been open about 4 months and it was too financially straining for the owners. They temporarily laid off everyone except for me. I’m so grateful to still have income and employment, even if I’m only working 1 or 2 days a week. I can fortunately do the majority of the background work from my home. But the motivation to actually do it when bed is so comfortable, ahhh

Welcome home! This place is one the last bastions of a specific discussion site dedicated to one subject.

Forums like this are sadly dying out as reddit and Facebook groups are becoming more and more popular

This is so true! But I think that means that we’ve naturally filtered out most of the crappy people & are only left with the best here One can hope, at least!

Thank you all again for the very warm welcomes. It’s comforting to be openly accepted. Look forward to getting to know you more in the future. Cheers

 

[Painful One]

Welcome!

I love that you work with animals and are a metal head!
Me too!

We are glad you came out of “lurking” mode.

There are really great people here and we have a lot of fun with one another.
There is no problem too big for us to help with.
I am sorry to hear about the depression and alcohol drinking.

We got you!

 

[Isthisreal90]

Welcome! ❤

I love that you work with animals and are a metal head!
Me too!

We are glad you came out of “lurking” mode.

There are really great people here and we have a lot of fun with one another.
There is no problem too big for us to help with.
I am sorry to hear about the depression and alcohol drinking.

We got you!

Thank you, Painful One!
No alcohol yet today, so far so good. Been watching Tiger King and smoking bowls though trying to make my pot last through quarantine.
What a bizarre time to be alive...

 

[Jabberwocky]

I like psychology too.

But instead of being the scientist, i am more often the subject.

☮

 

[Isthisreal90]

I like psychology too.

But instead of being the scientist, i am more often the subject.

☮

Same here, & no shame in that.

I’ve seen a variety of different counselors and therapists over the last decade or so. For awhile they thought I might have had mild bipolar type 2. Tried me on a few different meds but never noticed a change, so I took myself off them. Currently prescribed Prozac and Adderall (both IR & ER) daily.

I was definitely always intrigued in learning about psych as long as I can remember, to help me better understand myself. Always up to go under the microscope. I think we could all benefit from counseling.

 

[Jabberwocky]

Some people are so scared of therapy!

I've had a dozen different therapists. Some were better than others in some regards, but each one was unique.

Socializing with people, another thing.

And as you said, all these things that are outside our comfort zone are only benefiting ourselves.

All we need to do is take things with a grain of salt, stir it up a bit, and add our own flavor.

Can't be fucked to figure out the meaning of life. I am zig-zagging toward my own defined happiness. Which my perception of is constantly changing.

 

[Isthisreal90]

Some people are so scared of therapy!

I've had a dozen different therapists. Some were better than others in some regards, but each one was unique.

Socializing with people, another thing.

And as you said, all these things that are outside our comfort zone are only benefiting ourselves.

All we need to do is take things with a grain of salt, stir it up a bit, and add our own flavor.

Can't be fucked to figure out the meaning of life. I am zig-zagging toward my own defined happiness. Which my perception of is constantly changing.

If I could “love” your comment, just know that I would. I’ll have to come back once I’m Bluelight status!

Seriously I could not agree more though. Just like you mentioned, I’ve had therapists while some seemingly better than others, I can easily recognize the individuality in each of their methods. I’ve been able to take pieces of information from everyone to help me in my own healing and coping mechanisms as I continued my never-ending journey of self-discovery.

To this day there are still things that I am admittedly ashamed of, things that have been hard for me to face and work through. But in my experience if I do not work through them in a healthy time-frame, I usually always will keep it all inside until I cannot hold it in anymore; expressing (/exploding sometimes) in an unhealthy method.

My perception of happiness is constantly evolving throughout my lifespan, too. As I get older (I’m nearly 28- I know, not that old), but I can clearly pinpoint many of the events that have played a role in shifting that perspective.

“All we need to do is take things with a grain of salt, stir it up a bit, and add our own flavor.”

This really connected with me. Thank you for your input, Madness