To completely understand I will need to start at the beginning so apologies, bear with me.
My childhood, or what I remember of it between 6-12, you could class as 'normal, average.' My mother, who at the time was suffering from serious eating problems and was a slight control freak, was an amazing person to me all and all. My father who I wouldn't see alot because he would be working or at college, kind of took the backseat, all that really sticks out is him sitting on his computer all the time getting my mum to make him coffee. But for me, I couldnt complain, they loved me and I knew that, I was well fed, clothed and although not have the best things around (which im not concerned about), everything was rather comfy.
Until it wasnt.
My parents went through a bad break I would be in my room and hear them fighting with eachother, screaming, my dad would walk out and leave my mum crying in the bedroom, this happened for about a year until it obviously went too far, blood and everything, and I remember my mum taking me to her friends house around the corner and telling me to wait here (I was 12 at this point) while she went and got our things that my dad left in the garden. we ended up living with my mums friend, who was also my dads work colleague, as we had nowhere to go.
This is where things start to change.
I ended up hanging around with my best friends brother who was known to be a bit of a nut job. all through my school time I was a straight A student who would never get into bother, I didnt know how to get into trouble if im honest. Then I had my first hit of a joint, and I loved it (still 12 at this point and I have continued to smoke it to now, im 22, although not as much), I started to rebel, my old best friend was not anymore and his brother (who we'll now refer to as Gary) was now my peer almost mentor to this new world of trouble and drugs. I was kicked out of almost every class in school bar the ones I liked and I was always stoned when I was there anyway. After school instead of going home I would go to Garys get stoned and get into bother with the police ect.
I alienated myself from my true friends and my family, which I am still working on repairing, to the point where me and Gary were all we had. And we took a vow together, we would try as many different drugs as we could find and take as much as our bodies would let us, by the time I was 15 I had taken poppers, MDMA, bubbles, mkat, base, coke, PCP, ecstasy, valium, LSD, legal highs (ALL powders, pills and puff), some crazy prescription drugs and some things im not even sure was drugs, but if it went up my nose, came in a caspule or was smokable then I was taking it. we stayed hard on it like this for about 3 maybe 4 years sometimes being awake for more than a week mixing ups with downs and vodka. Im surprised im still alive if im honest.
I remember one time where I was trying to grab the front of my shoe whilst I was walking and falling over(obvisouly, I know) but when I told my arms to go out to stop the fall, they refused to work? like the message in my brain was made, but not sent.
When I had turned 16 I got expelled from school for being in possession of weapons (a knife to cut hosepipe for a bottle bong) and selling drugs. I didnt really care at this point I was already on self destruct road, 2 months later I got kicked out of my mums new flat and since then I have never been back. Alone again with nothing but my drugs and Gary, I moved about alot after that, I have now stayed in 18 different towns or citys across the country and I dont think im done yet, even while moving around Gary and I stayed good friends but I soon realised that the amount of drugs we were taking was not helping my current situation. I was going into my work out my face, looking a mess, actually scaring some people and basicly running on auto pilot, I had no idea what I was doing or where I was. so I confronted Gary and told him I was away to start kicking them, and I did, one by one I slowly took less and less till none at all, sometime I found I had to compensate more on one drug because of reducing the amount of another. Needless to say when I wasnt spending my money and spending time with him when he was taking it, he was not interested in me anymore.
So we went our seperate ways, I met a girl, was in a homeless unit but it bet the streets on which ive found myself sleeping on before, we were going to have a child together, life was great....if only. I still quiz myself today as to why I relapsed but I relapsed bad, I got a big pay over 500£ and I blew the lot on a three week bender on everything I just spent so much time and effort getting rid of, i lost my job, my house, my girl and ultimately my child which is the real killer! I actually turned into an alcoholic as well, which I am now clear of any drop for 16 days, which believe me, that Is good. between 17 and 20 im lucky if I have had more than 20 sober days, seriously. And as the vicious circle goes I hit them even harder because I was depressed and angry at how everything turned out.
It has only been this past year that I have been focused to properly straighten myself out, there has been hitches like when I went on a night out and got a gram of cocaine, like I said I still smoke weed but that is on occasions, maybe 2 times a week, the thought of being drunk now makes me sick and drunk people actually make me very angry.
Now to some this many sound strange but I hope we have some open-minded people here.
For as long as I can remember I have had a kind of intuition, so to speak, of various things basiclly making me aware of things other people are not aware of. bad things coming, to phones ringing, being very aware of the presence of a spirit/entity....it really does vary greatly.
For example I had a dream of a red Ford Escort being in a serious car crash, a woman was taken to hospital and the man was ok, just minor injuries, I didnt pick up anything about the other car. 2 days later my friend tells me his auntie had just been rushed to hospital from a bad car crash in her ... wait for it, yup, red ford escort, but his uncle was ok.
Or I can look at my phone and 'know' it is going to ring, which 9 times out of 10 it does
I couldnt say anything I guess he thought I was shocked at what happened but in fact I was actually shocked that I had seen the very collision before it happened! and thats when I started to realise my "gift"
I have no control over it, it comes and goes as it pleases, sometimes I know exactly who I am going to see when im on my travels, I have even found myself phoning people begging them not to go out as I was afraid something was going to happen to them, some listened, some didnt, some got hurt, some must just think im a loony.
Now I am more clear minded I find myself inside my own head alot more trying to unlock whatever the hell is in there but as the days go on I start to question whether im clinicly insane or if im actually onto something.
I am aware of withdrawl symptoms but I am wondering if anyone knows any long term effects of taking these drugs/mixing drugs/being consistently on them for days on end.
I have caught myself actually having conversations either out loud or in my head..with myself. my moods can change at any time (most the time im in control but sometime I can flip and its those closest to me I hurt) I have difficulty sleeping sometimes, my memory is fried, like im lucky if I can recall a full days events without putting serious thought into it.
I hope someone can give a good insight whether this is a condition that has been underlying for a while and is now just being recognised or if this is purely drug related and temporary or permanent as I am going through courts for contact with my now 2 year old daughter, I wish to be of sound mind for. Thanks for reading.
My childhood, or what I remember of it between 6-12, you could class as 'normal, average.' My mother, who at the time was suffering from serious eating problems and was a slight control freak, was an amazing person to me all and all. My father who I wouldn't see alot because he would be working or at college, kind of took the backseat, all that really sticks out is him sitting on his computer all the time getting my mum to make him coffee. But for me, I couldnt complain, they loved me and I knew that, I was well fed, clothed and although not have the best things around (which im not concerned about), everything was rather comfy.
Until it wasnt.
My parents went through a bad break I would be in my room and hear them fighting with eachother, screaming, my dad would walk out and leave my mum crying in the bedroom, this happened for about a year until it obviously went too far, blood and everything, and I remember my mum taking me to her friends house around the corner and telling me to wait here (I was 12 at this point) while she went and got our things that my dad left in the garden. we ended up living with my mums friend, who was also my dads work colleague, as we had nowhere to go.
This is where things start to change.
I ended up hanging around with my best friends brother who was known to be a bit of a nut job. all through my school time I was a straight A student who would never get into bother, I didnt know how to get into trouble if im honest. Then I had my first hit of a joint, and I loved it (still 12 at this point and I have continued to smoke it to now, im 22, although not as much), I started to rebel, my old best friend was not anymore and his brother (who we'll now refer to as Gary) was now my peer almost mentor to this new world of trouble and drugs. I was kicked out of almost every class in school bar the ones I liked and I was always stoned when I was there anyway. After school instead of going home I would go to Garys get stoned and get into bother with the police ect.
I alienated myself from my true friends and my family, which I am still working on repairing, to the point where me and Gary were all we had. And we took a vow together, we would try as many different drugs as we could find and take as much as our bodies would let us, by the time I was 15 I had taken poppers, MDMA, bubbles, mkat, base, coke, PCP, ecstasy, valium, LSD, legal highs (ALL powders, pills and puff), some crazy prescription drugs and some things im not even sure was drugs, but if it went up my nose, came in a caspule or was smokable then I was taking it. we stayed hard on it like this for about 3 maybe 4 years sometimes being awake for more than a week mixing ups with downs and vodka. Im surprised im still alive if im honest.
I remember one time where I was trying to grab the front of my shoe whilst I was walking and falling over(obvisouly, I know) but when I told my arms to go out to stop the fall, they refused to work? like the message in my brain was made, but not sent.
When I had turned 16 I got expelled from school for being in possession of weapons (a knife to cut hosepipe for a bottle bong) and selling drugs. I didnt really care at this point I was already on self destruct road, 2 months later I got kicked out of my mums new flat and since then I have never been back. Alone again with nothing but my drugs and Gary, I moved about alot after that, I have now stayed in 18 different towns or citys across the country and I dont think im done yet, even while moving around Gary and I stayed good friends but I soon realised that the amount of drugs we were taking was not helping my current situation. I was going into my work out my face, looking a mess, actually scaring some people and basicly running on auto pilot, I had no idea what I was doing or where I was. so I confronted Gary and told him I was away to start kicking them, and I did, one by one I slowly took less and less till none at all, sometime I found I had to compensate more on one drug because of reducing the amount of another. Needless to say when I wasnt spending my money and spending time with him when he was taking it, he was not interested in me anymore.
So we went our seperate ways, I met a girl, was in a homeless unit but it bet the streets on which ive found myself sleeping on before, we were going to have a child together, life was great....if only. I still quiz myself today as to why I relapsed but I relapsed bad, I got a big pay over 500£ and I blew the lot on a three week bender on everything I just spent so much time and effort getting rid of, i lost my job, my house, my girl and ultimately my child which is the real killer! I actually turned into an alcoholic as well, which I am now clear of any drop for 16 days, which believe me, that Is good. between 17 and 20 im lucky if I have had more than 20 sober days, seriously. And as the vicious circle goes I hit them even harder because I was depressed and angry at how everything turned out.
It has only been this past year that I have been focused to properly straighten myself out, there has been hitches like when I went on a night out and got a gram of cocaine, like I said I still smoke weed but that is on occasions, maybe 2 times a week, the thought of being drunk now makes me sick and drunk people actually make me very angry.
Now to some this many sound strange but I hope we have some open-minded people here.
For as long as I can remember I have had a kind of intuition, so to speak, of various things basiclly making me aware of things other people are not aware of. bad things coming, to phones ringing, being very aware of the presence of a spirit/entity....it really does vary greatly.
For example I had a dream of a red Ford Escort being in a serious car crash, a woman was taken to hospital and the man was ok, just minor injuries, I didnt pick up anything about the other car. 2 days later my friend tells me his auntie had just been rushed to hospital from a bad car crash in her ... wait for it, yup, red ford escort, but his uncle was ok.
Or I can look at my phone and 'know' it is going to ring, which 9 times out of 10 it does
I couldnt say anything I guess he thought I was shocked at what happened but in fact I was actually shocked that I had seen the very collision before it happened! and thats when I started to realise my "gift"
I have no control over it, it comes and goes as it pleases, sometimes I know exactly who I am going to see when im on my travels, I have even found myself phoning people begging them not to go out as I was afraid something was going to happen to them, some listened, some didnt, some got hurt, some must just think im a loony.
Now I am more clear minded I find myself inside my own head alot more trying to unlock whatever the hell is in there but as the days go on I start to question whether im clinicly insane or if im actually onto something.
I am aware of withdrawl symptoms but I am wondering if anyone knows any long term effects of taking these drugs/mixing drugs/being consistently on them for days on end.
I have caught myself actually having conversations either out loud or in my head..with myself. my moods can change at any time (most the time im in control but sometime I can flip and its those closest to me I hurt) I have difficulty sleeping sometimes, my memory is fried, like im lucky if I can recall a full days events without putting serious thought into it.
I hope someone can give a good insight whether this is a condition that has been underlying for a while and is now just being recognised or if this is purely drug related and temporary or permanent as I am going through courts for contact with my now 2 year old daughter, I wish to be of sound mind for. Thanks for reading.
