Long Term Opiate Abuse ?'s

[OHtoCA614916]

Hello all,


So im 25 years old, and I used prescription opiods for nearly 5 years. I was fresh out of college, got a job doing physical labor to pay the bills, was offered to me, and thats how everything began. It got to the point that i had no limits, and was basically using as much of the drug as i could afford. I bounced from using percocet when i could, to buying suboxone to try to have a half way normal life. I then quit everything cold turkey for 8 months. I slipped up, used, got introduced to heroin, used that for 5 more months and decided to hang up my guns again.


I am now over 13 months clean and sober. I made up my mind I was done. My questions are about my long term effects.


I feel like my cognitive functions are way lower than they used to be. When someone drops a witty lone, it almost always go's over my head immediately, which neverrr ysed to happen.


Im pretty sure i still have depression. I could honestly care less about most things. (Not like when you withdraw, im light years ahead of that). But i know im not where im supposed to be.


I also suffer really bad social anxiety now. I dont like going around random people at all, to the point i dread going to the gas station to get cigs. I feel like im loght years behind all of my peers.


Honestly, i dont think that i like who i am. I operate heavy equipment for a loving now, and wake up at 430 am every day, im good at what i do, and i make good money, but i cant feel proud of myself for anything...


I dont have health insurance or id go talk to someone.


I also have never posted here. I used to come here and lurk when i was withdrawing really hard and needed some support. Im not even sure if this is the correct area, but i really wanted to reach out to some people with insight. (Just moved this post)


Thank you in advance.

 

[cj]

Hey welcome to bluelight and sober living! You posted in the right place.


Is it possible you where depressed before you began opiates and getting high was your way to self medicate those feelings? Its doubtful you did any kind of brain damage with opiates unless you overdosed and where starved of oxygen. Depression causes many of the symptoms your talking about.

 

[OHtoCA614916]

Hey thanks so much for the quick reply.

Before opiates I was def not depressed. I was very motivated, very proud, etc. I did have some social anxiety (going to dance clubs etc) that ive dealt with for a long time, but id go to these events and the feeling would go away when i warmed up. Now i treat any public place (i.e walmart) like its the end of the world.

I did a lot of terrible things while on opiates. I think this is what causes the depression. Does that make sense? How do i go about forgiving myself? Have any of you experienced this?

Also, could i have damaged my long term and short term memory from.my usage?

Thank you again, ive been wanting to speak with people who have gone through the same things for quite some time now.

 

[cj]

It makes total sense. I am a recovering heroin addict myself and yeah I did some terrible things. As far as forgiving yourself its tough but I try to think of it like this. If one of my family members or close friends was addicted to heroin and did what I did would I eventually forgive them? Granted I am a very forgiving person but if your posting on bluelight and not in prison you didn't do anything too bad yah know? Granted I still struggle with the totality of my experience with opiate addiction. I have dreams about it, I crave it, in a way my life still revolves around it. I have only been off of it for 9 months and people tell me it gets better with time.

Basically my advice is too cut yourself some slack. You did some fucked up shit but that's just kind of what happens when your addicted to heroin. :/

 

[OHtoCA614916]

I have a really hard time letting things go. I need to figure out how to let this go. I do need to cut myself some slack, youre right.

Do you know what the physical effects of using long term is? Like did i permanently damage my levels of dopamine, serotonin, etc? Or do you think with how long i used, theyre still balancing out?