Ein-2765
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Jan 10, 2011
- Messages
- 40
First off, just to let everyone know, I'm not really looking for advice. I already know pretty much what I'm going to do, I guess I'd just like to hear other people's opinions as I have no one else to talk to about this. Also, I apologize if this is severely long winded.
But before I get started, I think a little background about me is probably best. I'll be 21 in May and I have zero romantic history. I've never been in any kind of relationship, much less had sex or even kissed anyone. Weird, I know. But in high school I just never felt ready, never felt mature enough. I knew I wanted something lasting, but I was probably too angsty at the time (plus, I didn't have a job or a car). And now I have no social interactions with anyone new. I work from home, so my time is my own, but I just barely scrape by. I mean I have zero additional funds for anything. I can't even afford internet (luckily there's a public wi-fi nearby). I still can't drive (only have a permit), so I get rides from family and friends, and I'm shy when approaching new people.
Okay, now on with the main event. I've tried online dating since I turned 18. However, living in a small town, wanting something long-term, and being liberal in a red state have all conspired against me. Plus, I know the odds about finding someone online, so I've never really actively looked. So for the three years I've been looking (I went on a 9 month sabbatical from all things online a little over a year ago), I've only gotten responses from a few dozen people, only about half of those went beyond introductory messages, and I've only had a good back and forth with about 10 people. Of those, I only really connected with five, and met one. But of the five, I only saw myself being with one of them (and it wasn't the one I actually met).
So anyways, I started talking with this girl (who I'll call K) on OkCupid, about three months ago. While browsing I came across her profile, and I liked what I read... a lot. Among other things, she was the first non-Republican hunter I've ever comes across, so at the very least that alone intrigued me. However, I've learned not to get my hopes up so I wasn't really expecting a reply. So when one came, it was a nice surprise. And the more we talked, the more I liked her. We kind of hinted at things romantically, found out we pretty much wanted the same thing (enduring, long-lasting love), but we only really talked about platonic things... mainly our pasts and our interests. Now I'm not saying we got especially close (we're still in the "getting to know each other" phase), but it's simply amazed me the amount of things we had in common. She even called herself a hermit (which I basically am, for all intents and purposes).
We had a lapse in conversations for ten days or so when she was traveling and got sick. And then a week after we started talking again she just stopped writing. I didn't want to seem needy or pressure her so I waited for her to write me again. I wrote her a quick note on Christmas wishing her well, hoped for a reply but didn't expect (or ask) for one. Then a few days later she deleted her account, and my only way of contacting her. She didn't write to tell me what was up, or to even ask me to stop contacting her. I was just cut off. It hurt, probably more than it should've, given we'd only exchanged a dozen or so messages, extensive and personal, though they were.
I had chosen not to look her up on Facebook previously, feeling that if she wanted to talk to me there she would've offered, but I didn't have another option. So I found her on there, friended her and asked why she closed her OkCupid account. She happened to be online at the same time so I got an instant friendship acceptance, and we started talking again. I found out that she'd had a pretty trying three weeks since she last contacted me. Apparently she had fallen pretty sick with tonsillitis, which prevented her from exercising which contributed to an already present depression (which she's suffered from since adolescence), and she had just recently cut off all contact with her closest friend (she's was vague on the details, but apparently he did something "anticipated but disappointing").
Her messages from this point on were very frank and blunt, almost rude. I welcomed the fact that she was now being more honest and open with me, but the responses from her were now even less frequent than before and I could tell that she wasn't in the right frame of mind to really be enjoying our chats. Plus, she doesn't like only being able to talk online with someone, especially a person she's never met. Unfortunately, we live 300 miles apart, but still in the same state (Alaska). I offered several times to talk on the phone with her, but the first couple she was still too sick at the time, and the last one she just ignored.
Finally I just grew tired of the uncertainty and lack of involvement on her part and confronted her about it. She admitted that she was just too depressed to care about anything anymore, and she only wanted to deal with her family since they're the only ones that have experience with her moods. I wrote her a final message on Jan 23 telling her that I was going to give her space. I would welcome any contact from her when she was up to it, and I wished her well. She already had my cell number.
We haven't directly spoken since then. She still updates her Facebook page every day or so, and I've commented once, but that's it. Most of her posts seem perfectly normal, and only a few have hinted at her depression.
So, in all, we never really became close. There's still quite a bit about her life that I don't know. I did get a pretty good sense of who she is, though. I really do not want to drift away from her. It's not so much any kind of bond we have now (like I said, we don't each other well enough), but I feel like there's a lot of potential between us. I've never had this connection with someone before. I wouldn't even call it romantic or platonic. She just feels so familiar to me; it's like she's a female version of me. It's almost scary how alike we are. Even people I've known for years and asked out, I didn't feel this way about. And I have to admit, almost all of my previous propositions to girls have been from lust. But not this one. In truth, even though I would be disappointed, I wouldn't even mind it if we didn't date, but just stayed friends.
I'm planning on writing her again once a month has passed, just to check in on her and let her know I'm still interested. I'm not going to pressure her or expect a response. I had thought about sending her something Valentine's oriented on Thursday, but it didn't feel right. We never really talked about romance except in general terms, so I didn't want to send the wrong signals.
That about covers everything. I apologize again for the excessive length, but I just wanted to make sure I covered everything.
Any thoughts would be welcome.
But before I get started, I think a little background about me is probably best. I'll be 21 in May and I have zero romantic history. I've never been in any kind of relationship, much less had sex or even kissed anyone. Weird, I know. But in high school I just never felt ready, never felt mature enough. I knew I wanted something lasting, but I was probably too angsty at the time (plus, I didn't have a job or a car). And now I have no social interactions with anyone new. I work from home, so my time is my own, but I just barely scrape by. I mean I have zero additional funds for anything. I can't even afford internet (luckily there's a public wi-fi nearby). I still can't drive (only have a permit), so I get rides from family and friends, and I'm shy when approaching new people.
Okay, now on with the main event. I've tried online dating since I turned 18. However, living in a small town, wanting something long-term, and being liberal in a red state have all conspired against me. Plus, I know the odds about finding someone online, so I've never really actively looked. So for the three years I've been looking (I went on a 9 month sabbatical from all things online a little over a year ago), I've only gotten responses from a few dozen people, only about half of those went beyond introductory messages, and I've only had a good back and forth with about 10 people. Of those, I only really connected with five, and met one. But of the five, I only saw myself being with one of them (and it wasn't the one I actually met).
So anyways, I started talking with this girl (who I'll call K) on OkCupid, about three months ago. While browsing I came across her profile, and I liked what I read... a lot. Among other things, she was the first non-Republican hunter I've ever comes across, so at the very least that alone intrigued me. However, I've learned not to get my hopes up so I wasn't really expecting a reply. So when one came, it was a nice surprise. And the more we talked, the more I liked her. We kind of hinted at things romantically, found out we pretty much wanted the same thing (enduring, long-lasting love), but we only really talked about platonic things... mainly our pasts and our interests. Now I'm not saying we got especially close (we're still in the "getting to know each other" phase), but it's simply amazed me the amount of things we had in common. She even called herself a hermit (which I basically am, for all intents and purposes).
We had a lapse in conversations for ten days or so when she was traveling and got sick. And then a week after we started talking again she just stopped writing. I didn't want to seem needy or pressure her so I waited for her to write me again. I wrote her a quick note on Christmas wishing her well, hoped for a reply but didn't expect (or ask) for one. Then a few days later she deleted her account, and my only way of contacting her. She didn't write to tell me what was up, or to even ask me to stop contacting her. I was just cut off. It hurt, probably more than it should've, given we'd only exchanged a dozen or so messages, extensive and personal, though they were.
I had chosen not to look her up on Facebook previously, feeling that if she wanted to talk to me there she would've offered, but I didn't have another option. So I found her on there, friended her and asked why she closed her OkCupid account. She happened to be online at the same time so I got an instant friendship acceptance, and we started talking again. I found out that she'd had a pretty trying three weeks since she last contacted me. Apparently she had fallen pretty sick with tonsillitis, which prevented her from exercising which contributed to an already present depression (which she's suffered from since adolescence), and she had just recently cut off all contact with her closest friend (she's was vague on the details, but apparently he did something "anticipated but disappointing").
Her messages from this point on were very frank and blunt, almost rude. I welcomed the fact that she was now being more honest and open with me, but the responses from her were now even less frequent than before and I could tell that she wasn't in the right frame of mind to really be enjoying our chats. Plus, she doesn't like only being able to talk online with someone, especially a person she's never met. Unfortunately, we live 300 miles apart, but still in the same state (Alaska). I offered several times to talk on the phone with her, but the first couple she was still too sick at the time, and the last one she just ignored.
Finally I just grew tired of the uncertainty and lack of involvement on her part and confronted her about it. She admitted that she was just too depressed to care about anything anymore, and she only wanted to deal with her family since they're the only ones that have experience with her moods. I wrote her a final message on Jan 23 telling her that I was going to give her space. I would welcome any contact from her when she was up to it, and I wished her well. She already had my cell number.
We haven't directly spoken since then. She still updates her Facebook page every day or so, and I've commented once, but that's it. Most of her posts seem perfectly normal, and only a few have hinted at her depression.
So, in all, we never really became close. There's still quite a bit about her life that I don't know. I did get a pretty good sense of who she is, though. I really do not want to drift away from her. It's not so much any kind of bond we have now (like I said, we don't each other well enough), but I feel like there's a lot of potential between us. I've never had this connection with someone before. I wouldn't even call it romantic or platonic. She just feels so familiar to me; it's like she's a female version of me. It's almost scary how alike we are. Even people I've known for years and asked out, I didn't feel this way about. And I have to admit, almost all of my previous propositions to girls have been from lust. But not this one. In truth, even though I would be disappointed, I wouldn't even mind it if we didn't date, but just stayed friends.
I'm planning on writing her again once a month has passed, just to check in on her and let her know I'm still interested. I'm not going to pressure her or expect a response. I had thought about sending her something Valentine's oriented on Thursday, but it didn't feel right. We never really talked about romance except in general terms, so I didn't want to send the wrong signals.
That about covers everything. I apologize again for the excessive length, but I just wanted to make sure I covered everything.
Any thoughts would be welcome.
![:\](https://bluelight.org/xf/BL_Images/Orig_Emoji/wrygrin.gif "wry grin :\")
).
