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Long comedown

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Ultramarine

Greenlighter
Joined
Mar 23, 2013
Messages
9
Hi all, I'm new in the community and I would like to share my story and my experience with MDMA.
I've never been a heavy drug user, I'm really interested in them but I pay strong attentiont to all the possible consequences of what I do, and choose wisely.
I started smoke pot with a friend 6 months ago, "smoke" is an exaggeration, as I did that maybe 6-7 times (yes, almost nothing).
At NYE my friend proposed me to roll; at the beginning I was like "no way", then I read all over the internet and decide to try it. Well, it was fantastic, no comedown, good afterglow...
1 week later I did it again with him, but this time we smoked, drinked and took, I think, a very big amount of MDMA (like 500 mg dissolved into water for both).
The comedown was horrible and the day after I cried in despair and couldn't do/think anything positive. It lasted 3 days, then I felt gone back to normal and I forgot the episode, with the intention not to roll anymore in my life...
The problems began after nearly a month; my girlfriend went away for the exchange school program... I went gradually sadder and sadder, and smoking pot re-inserted in my head the negative effects of molly. I started getting confused, anxious, with bad and unexpected mood changes, depersonalization and derealization... I felt like I was no more myself and I had such physical symptoms to make me think E had been the cause of all that.
I went on psychological therapy but refused to take ssri. Now almost 3 months have passed and it's getting better but I feel like I can't think like I used to (I was a very smart and deep person), I have memory problems and I can't get into things and situations, because I constantly think of what I'm doing while I'm doing it... this causes me also severe attention problems (I cannot anymore read a book or watch a film).
Thank you for reading my story... It would be great to hear any advice, comment about my situation, if I will go back to my usual self and if anyone has gone through something similar
 
sounds like your girlfriend leaving for school exchange is contributing to your anxiety/depression, and your MDMA comedown days made you obsess that this "Must be MDMA damage" making it all worse
Just stay away from MDMA and try to excersize and live on.. eat healthy. MANY people have done a lot more MDMA than you, dont worry, you will be fine again

I've felt serious depression BEFORE doing mdma.. like you described.. because I got fired and got a criminal record and a fine... and I was paranoid I might go to jail, smoked pot and got anxious...
its all about mindset, its not all serotonin or dopamine or whatever : )
 
500 mg is a little much at any given time. also try to space out rolls more if you get into it again. wouldnt recommend rolling again, but if you decide to do so, follow that advice. I ignored it all and it kicked me in the ass eventually. everything was going well until one bad experience ruined everything. i tried certain things after that a few times, but none worked as well as before. problems set in a month after my last roll, but there were definitely contributing factors, since I had a close family member having open heart surgery as well.

my problems ranged from mild depression, severe anxiety and paranoia, as well as definite memory issues that are slowly coming back. I was depressed with my decisions and the feeling that I permanently fucked myself up, while the memory issues involved me forgetting what i was saying or choosing certain words. for example, i would say things like "whats the word for this... i know it damnit..." and would get nothing.

the anxiety/paranoia was a real motherfucker though, and still can be. I seem to worry about everything I do now, and everything I take. not a bad thing though, but I think I google a bit too excessively, which leads to more worry and panic. At its worst, the anxiety would just come without warning, and go as it pleased. i would start noticing a tension, and that something was on my mind but the worrying was more about the anxiety itself rather than anything. even checked myself into ICU once because I thought I was having a heart attack.

im at 4 to 4.5 months without a roll, and even though the negative effects still persist and probably will for a long time, it becomes easier to just deal with over time. definitely have gained a huge increase in maturity though, and feel that I am now the voice of reason for a lot of people instead of the cocky, ignorant, immature fuck i was all of 6 months ago (the time of the bad experience mentioned above). stop all drugs, and go out and do things. if you are a smoker, maybe stay on the cigs as nicotine withdrawals gave me very long anxiety episodes. I took a 3 week from EVERYTHING, which helped me a lot after nicotine withdrawal subsided.

especially with the current situation, now you have emptiness that needs to be filled. find activities you enjoy to fill that empty void, such as activities to fill the time you would spend with your girlfriend, and substitutes for doing drugs/rolling. don't just sit around waiting and hoping for things to get better. have the approach that you will MAKE them get better. but be patient, and just wait, and know that plenty of people here are friendly and many have gone through the same thing. sure gave me the reassurance I needed to get outa this funk. btw, the 3rd month without rolling things have slowly climbed uphill for me.

hang in there bud.
 
Last edited:
Exstazy said:
sounds like your girlfriend leaving for school exchange is contributing to your anxiety/depression, and your MDMA comedown days made you obsess that this "Must be MDMA damage" making it all worse
Just stay away from MDMA and try to excersize and live on.. eat healthy. MANY people have done a lot more MDMA than you, dont worry, you will be fine again

I've felt serious depression BEFORE doing mdma.. like you described.. because I got fired and got a criminal record and a fine... and I was paranoid I might go to jail, smoked pot and got anxious...
its all about mindset, its not all serotonin or dopamine or whatever : )
Click to expand...
Yes, her departure has surely contributed to my depression, I'll stay away from MDMA for sure, and from any other drug...
I realize that when I manage not to think about my problems, averything gets better, but the problem is that the obsessive thoughts return everytime, I don't know how to ignore them... I feel like I'm watchng myself as I act or talk, like I'm no more in me

Northern LIGHTS said:
500 mg is a little much at any given time. also try to space out rolls more if you get into it again. wouldnt recommend rolling again, but if you decide to do so, follow that advice. I ignored it all and it kicked me in the ass eventually. everything was going well until one bad experience ruined everything. i tried certain things after that a few times, but none worked as well as before. problems set in a month after my last roll, but there were definitely contributing factors, since I had a close family member having open heart surgery as well.

my problems ranged from mild depression, severe anxiety and paranoia, as well as definite memory issues that are slowly coming back. I was depressed with my decisions and the feeling that I permanently fucked myself up, while the memory issues involved me forgetting what i was saying or choosing certain words. for example, i would say things like "whats the word for this... i know it damnit..." and would get nothing.

the anxiety/paranoia was a real motherfucker though, and still can be. I seem to worry about everything I do now, and everything I take. not a bad thing though, but I think I google a bit too excessively, which leads to more worry and panic. At its worst, the anxiety would just come without warning, and go as it pleased. i would start noticing a tension, and that something was on my mind but the worrying was more about the anxiety itself rather than anything. even checked myself into ICU once because I thought I was having a heart attack.

im at 4 to 4.5 months without a roll, and even though the negative effects still persist and probably will for a long time, it becomes easier to just deal with over time. definitely have gained a huge increase in maturity though, and feel that I am now the voice of reason for a lot of people instead of the cocky, ignorant, immature fuck i was all of 6 months ago (the time of the bad experience mentioned above). stop all drugs, and go out and do things. if you are a smoker, maybe stay on the cigs as nicotine withdrawals gave me very long anxiety episodes. I took a 3 week from EVERYTHING, which helped me a lot after nicotine withdrawal subsided.

especially with the current situation, now you have emptiness that needs to be filled. find activities you enjoy to fill that empty void, such as activities to fill the time you would spend with your girlfriend, and substitutes for doing drugs/rolling. don't just sit around waiting and hoping for things to get better. have the approach that you will MAKE them get better. but be patient, and just wait, and know that plenty of people here are friendly and many have gone through the same thing. sure gave me the reassurance I needed to get outa this funk. btw, the 3rd month without rolling things have slowly climbed uphill for me.

hang in there bud.
Click to expand...
I know I've been stupid not to space rolls out... I thought that there couldn't be any adverse effect for me, as I had experienced none from my first time.
You named in your symptoms one of my worst problems to deal with, the difficult of talking and not losing the conversation thread... sometimes I feel like my speech has no sense, in particular with difficult reasoning, and this rises my anxiety.
I also have sudden mood swings while I'm talking, and this creates a lot of fears, as I think I will not be able to have serene relationships anymore.
However I'm taking this positively, I'm studying (I'm 18 and I have to take high school diploma this year), exercising, eating well, seeking help and continuing doing the same things I did... the problems are mainly in myself

Thank you for your answers!
is there anyone who has completely got out of a similar situation?
 
HarrytheHead said:
http://www.bluelight.ru/vb/threads/662197-After-8-months-and-3-days-I-have-100-Recovered!-Thank-You-BL!

I am feeling what you're feeling at two months in. I keep reminding myself things will work themselves out and whether I like it or not, I am going to make a full recovery. You will too so long as you don't worry and are patient. Accept it, move on and better yourself and it will be gone.
Click to expand...
Thanks for your advice, I will be patient! Good luck with YOUR recovery! Which are your worst symptoms?
 
I took one high dose of Molly and bugged out bad. The following month I had extreme panic attacks, painful depression and feared I was dying/losing my mind. Now its two months later and my symptoms have abated a lot - maybe about 60-70% better. Currently I only have pressure in my forehead/face, quicker heartbeat occasionally, and some trouble falling asleep. I have no doubt these symptoms too will go away over time.

I have to disclaim though that I am two weeks in on a low dose of SSRI because of this. I was very reluctant to go on ssri but I tested the response of three different doctors and all of them recommended me to try it. I trust the doctors on this one. I am feeling much better after all! I have no intention of being a long term user - as soon as I maintain a few months of stability I will taper off. It's about having a plan and just trying your best. Whether or not you're comfortable with taking ssris is up to you. I gave in and am not regretting it. Also to note, I have not had any side affects from the medication. The only difference I feel is that I am not having random panic attacks anymore. Fine by me.

I also started seeing a therapist to find what underlies my anxiety and this has been VERY beneficial. If you do this plus daily excercise, sun and nutrition, you will slowly find yourself creeping out of this hole. Imagine the "you" thats is better and happy and work for it. I know I said it before but patience and positivity are key to healing!

If you have any questions on nutrition let me know. My diet is geared towards stress-reduction and brain restoration.
 
HarrytheHead said:
I took one high dose of Molly and bugged out bad. The following month I had extreme panic attacks, painful depression and feared I was dying/losing my mind. Now its two months later and my symptoms have abated a lot - maybe about 60-70% better. Currently I only have pressure in my forehead/face, quicker heartbeat occasionally, and some trouble falling asleep. I have no doubt these symptoms too will go away over time.

I have to disclaim though that I am two weeks in on a low dose of SSRI because of this. I was very reluctant to go on ssri but I tested the response of three different doctors and all of them recommended me to try it. I trust the doctors on this one. I am feeling much better after all! I have no intention of being a long term user - as soon as I maintain a few months of stability I will taper off. It's about having a plan and just trying your best. Whether or not you're comfortable with taking ssris is up to you. I gave in and am not regretting it. Also to note, I have not had any side affects from the medication. The only difference I feel is that I am not having random panic attacks anymore. Fine by me.

I also started seeing a therapist to find what underlies my anxiety and this has been VERY beneficial. If you do this plus daily excercise, sun and nutrition, you will slowly find yourself creeping out of this hole. Imagine the "you" thats is better and happy and work for it. I know I said it before but patience and positivity are key to healing!

If you have any questions on nutrition let me know. My diet is geared towards stress-reduction and brain restoration.
Click to expand...

What I'm looking forward to is everything that lowers brain oxidation... I'm really scared about free radicals etc.. what do you recommend me?
 
It is much much better now, I went from "I fucked my brain forever, now I won't do anything good in life" to, after talking to my psychologist and confessing to my mother (such a catharsis!), be rather confident in my skills and able to relax a bit...
Now I feel some of my old interests coming back and it's wonderful, really! I can also concentrate better on studies and I feel I CAN go through this. I still have a bit of anxiety, but controlled, and difficult sleeping, as my mind continues working and makes me wake up for no reason.
What about you? how are you going?
 
Ultra that is great to hear. Just keep moving forwards and not backwards. Things will work themselves out eventually. I am where you are. I have come to grips with the fact that I temporarily messed myself up. The anxiety has eased a lot. Right now I am dealing with bad sleep and regular head tension/floatiness. Sometimes I find myself getting upset but its all about staying on course. Good food, good exercise, good friends, faith in god and self. One day we will be better like all those who have told us that they too are better. Keep at it and keep me up to date!
 
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