• The Dark Side 💕 Welcome Guest 💕
    Posting Rules Bluelight Rules
    Notable Threads Urgent Hotlines
    Bereavement Mindfulness
    Suicide Support Anger Management
  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

Lonely and Fed Up

Hector

Hector

Bluelighter
Joined
Dec 1, 2004
Messages
309
Location
London
I don't know where else to turn, so I'm posting here hoping that someone can offer me some advice.

I'm 27 years old, living back at home with my parents having finished university in September. I'm 17 days clean from methadone which I've managed with the help of a great doctor and the support of NA. However, I'm miserable and I've recently been struggling with thoughts of using again. I feel so alone and isolated and I can't handle it.

I can count the number of friends I can hang out and unwind with on one hand, actually make that one finger. Although as of late he's been consistently flaking out on me so i'm starting to think I have no friends, at least no good ones.

I'm trying to turn my life around, i'm currently volunteering and I'm in CBT but I don't see a light at the end of it all. I want my life to change and I want to be happy.

Don't get me wrong, I know I have a lot to be grateful for, I have a loving family, a nice place to live and people I can turn to in NA but there's a big hole in my life when it comes to relationships. I've always had a hard time making and keeping friends, purely because my drug use was more important to me. Now i've given that up so isn't it supposed to get easier?

Apparently not because here I am on another Saturday night alone and feeling sorry for myself. I can't sit with these feelings. At least with drugs I can cut out the feelings and that seems so tempting right now even though I know its not the answer. I've changed, i'm in control now not the drugs but i'm still not happy. I want oblivion but at the same time I don't. I'm so confused, could someone please help?
 
sounds to me like you want more relationships. I got two words for you my man: dog treats. Just buy a cheap bag and find some people with dogs on the street and give em those treats. Beforeyou know it you'll have some great friends
 
Hey Hector! Sounds like you're doing all the right things so give yourself a break, man <3 Its still extremely early in your recovery so you need to give things much more time to materialize. Being clean is completely different than those old ideas, attitudes and behaviors we are so familiar with. Things don't happen immediately (and yes, expecting results in so many areas in 17 days is essentially asking for immediate results :\)

Patience and effort, man. When we start applying effort while removing expectations of desired results (and the time frames we place on those results) our day-to-day gets so much easier and more fulfilling. Anxiety fades and a general 'roll with it' attitude starts to manifest itself

I'm a bit lonely myself having recently moved half way across the country. I'm seeing results through my positive actions, though. I've committed to a 90 and 90 so that I could get to know people and so they can get to know me. I jumped into service opportunities and I pick up the phone. None of these are easy at first but they become easier than cake after doing them a few times with consistency.

Stop beating yourself up! Use those NA associates as practice in attempting to form new friendships. Take the skills you've learned from practicing new ideas, attitudes and behaviors in the safety of the rooms and begin applying them to the rest of your life.

These beginning stages are tough as fuck but you only have to be at the beginning once. The overpowering obsession will go away at some point and you'll start seeing the rewards of your effort. Here's the hit though... if you don't change some things and do the work that is necessary, you'll be fucking miserable :(

Go easy, man and you'll start feeling much better. You didn't fuck yourself in 17 days so its going to take longer than that to unfuck yourself.
Nothing of value is really going to materialize immediately so do the work and GO EASY <3
 
It took me a couple two months to start to come out of isolation but when I did I realized that the loneliness is just a symptom of the disease and PAWS specifically, not a reflection of your new clean self. I'm sure you've heard it a bunch already but when you are at the NA meetings get numbers and call people. You'll be doing them as much a favor as you do yourself. Good luck dude. And great Devils Rejects pic. I just saw that movie last week.
 
If your 17 days clean of methadone noone with a clue could expect you to be anywhere near over the PAWS. What your feeling is normal at this stage but the good news is you will start feeling better the longer you stay clean.
 
i hear you man,
stay clear from the drone, it could turn right and ugly you need to stop combining your escape with that as before you know it you will want to do it all the time.
 
first of all, BIG fucking UPS
second of all,
you're adapting to a whole new
or whole 'old' life all over again
it's shit at first, you might wonder why you decided to clean up
but, you decided to, and your parents have made a substantial investment in your health and wellbeing, and you have started to too
it's not get rich quick, it's get rich right
hang in there
also, learning how to be with people is a whole nother ball game
you learned how to be around people (or not around people)
all while enforcing a brutal habit
it's gonna be hard to rewire yourself to be a normal human being
once the ball gets rolling though, it's up and out from there
<3
 
look on the bright side bro; im in the same exact situation as you except im still getting high... now whos really still fuckedD? lol
 
I detoxed from methadone approximately 6 years ago. I still remember how I felt when I did that. You are at 17 days which is fucking fabulous, but you have a ways to go. You need to retrain your brain so it doesn't think as an addict. Nothing will make the feelings that you have go aways except for staying clean. If you turn back now all it will do is push those feeling down deeper and it will hurt even more the next time around. This I know from experience. Even after 6 years of no opiate use, I still go to CBT. It is just the way I think most people who are addicts are wired. We are forever a Work in Progress. I can count the number of friends that I have on no fingers, I live alone and I hate my job. My therapist recommended this book called Radical Acceptance by Tara Brach (which I haven't bought yet) but she says it will really help just accepting your self without judgement.

Also, what I found helpful, is I make a list of things that I can do when I "freak out" and I put the list everywhere so I can see where ever I go. And it lays out specifically what I can do to get past the ugly moment I am experiencing. Because, by the time we get to that moment our brains just stop rationalizing, so the list reminds me to stop and take steps to get out of that moment. My list looks something like this:
1. Breathe (not just regular breathing but diaphragmatic breathing or sometimes referred to as belly breathing)
2. Notice my breathing and focus on just my breathing.
3. If that doesn't calm me down then I get some soothing music and sit and meditate. The only dangerous part of this is because you will be alone with your thoughts and if you don't know how to get rid of the mind chatter it will do more harm than good. For me when I meditate and a thought comes into my mind in envision that thought sitting on a cloud I acknowledge it and the with my next breath out I blow the cloud away. It took a while to lean this be it really worked for me.
4. Go for a walk, without thinking about what is going on in your life, think about everything around you. Experience your environment. The old saying stop and smell the roses.

Expect that getting clean is a lifetime process not an overnight fix. Committment is the key and knowing that using is not the answer to your problems its a way for you to be numb and escape. You deserve to live life to the fullest and be happy.
 
Methadone is awful, out of all the drugs I have done methadone did the most damage, mentally. Even six months after quitting methadone I still felt like shit, so i relapsed. The only advice is hang in there, you will eventually start feeling better. You are headed in the right direction, slowly but surely your social life will start improving but it won't happen over night. You also have to put in an effort to meet new people and socialize.
 
Thanks for the kind words guys, it helps to know i'm not alone. Getting stuck in my own head is a dangerous place to be, it makes it hard to remember what I do have to be grateful for.

Anyway, i've felt better since posting and i'm still clean. I've come to realise that things won't change overnight but i'm heading in the right direction and doing the best I can which is all I can ask of myself. I'm going to keep my head up and keep going. :)
 
I just wanted to tell you, I feel the same way as you. I also just recently quit a strong opiate habit. Can't find anything fun to do. I got tons of legal problems. I am not allowed to see my girl. Life just kind of sucks, but igot to take it one day at a time, like they say. I am proud of you though, you are doing a lot better than me.
 
I'm kinda in the same boat but not so much with opiates, my medication is xanax, im fucked atm so cant really offer any advice other than, Iv'e beaten benzos and opiates b4, its hell on earth, many people herer can relate, its good that uv a good doctor it makes a hellova difference. Hang in there hey Ul be in my thoughts even though ive got a massive headfuck going on right now, If we make the decision, we will feel like shit but as said again and again it does get bettter, im not in the position right now to say that coz of my current cuircumstances. But ur in the right place for support i wish you only the joy and furfillment of life you deserve:\
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top