Mental Health Loneliness

[LucidSDreamr]

does anyone else feel a deep loneliness even thought they aren’t lonely on paper?

I’m married to an angel. I have 3 best friends that are like brothers but they live thousands of miles away. Immediate Family is cut off though for a long time.

I don’t know if what I feel is loneliness but it’s the closest word I can’t put to the feeling. Like I want to connect with people or something. But real connection is very rare and hard to find in life. Where I live ppl are extremely anti social. Neighbors barely make eye contact. Everyone is from some other country or state.

At the end of the day, I don’t know if it’s actually loneliness or just the void in my heart that I always tried to fill with drugs; or the damage from two decades of drug use.

How do we overcome this?

 

[CFC]

Maybe you mean disconnection? I feel like lack of connection is the thing that bothers me, and I would call that loneliness; it may be what you're describing. I think it does refer mostly to social contacts, but I think also disconnection to/from nature is a biggie. Most people feel better and more complete surrounded by nature.

With that in mind, I recommend reinforcing the connections to other people you do have (even if just superficial connections - embrace them, remember them, make a point of having them); and also spending more time in nature, maybe gardening, walking, going to the beach/mountains/forests/parks etc.

Also, try talking about this to your closer contacts. I think it will help. You make it known and shared, which takes some of the burden away from feeling trapped inside yourself.

 

[reverse cosmosis]

You can be surrounded by people and still be lonely. Often it's because there is some void within you that you're trying to fill whether it be with drugs or connecting with other people. But I don't follow the teachings of 12 step programs or their belief that connection is the opposite of addiction. I think connection is an alternative to addiction and I think until the underlying issues are addressed they can both be unhealthy ways to cope.

I used to constantly surround myself with people cos I couldn't just sit with my thoughts, it caused me great distress. Remembering things, imagining things, wishing for things.

Then a bunch of things changed and now I have to force myself to seek company and I enjoy it when I finally do but I much prefer the peace and quiet of my own company now. Sometimes I think a partner would be nice but then a flood of memories come pouring in and I think about the freedoms I'd be sacrificing and realise I'm probably better off on my ones.

I wish I could adequately explain how I came to be at peace but I'm not sure I understand it myself. It's been a long, hard fought war with many lost battles on the way. Just keep pushing forward, working on the things you know you need to work on, avoiding the things you know you shouldn't do, tell your truths, face your demons and look after your people and I hope one day you can find your peace like I've found mine.

 

[jasperkent]

does anyone else feel a deep loneliness even thought they aren’t lonely on paper?

Yes, and I've always felt that way to some degree. Another poster called it disconnection and that may be more accurate. For most people it's probably worse than ever these days, since everyone lives in their own little digital world.

I've always made friends easily and I can get along with just about anybody. I like my coworkers a lot. For most of my life I've also been in a loving monogamous relationship and I have a buddy who's been my best friend for over 50 years.
And yet...somehow something is a little "off," like I'm in the world but not of the world.

I've always related well to this song by the late great Leon Russell:

(released in 1971)

 

[Vanilla_Incense]

does anyone else feel a deep loneliness even thought they aren’t lonely on paper?

I’m married to an angel. I have 3 best friends that are like brothers but they live thousands of miles away. Immediate Family is cut off though for a long time.

I don’t know if what I feel is loneliness but it’s the closest word I can’t put to the feeling. Like I want to connect with people or something. But real connection is very rare and hard to find in life. Where I live (the SF Bay Area) ppl are extremely anti social. Neighbors barely make eye contact. Everyone is from some other country or state.

At the end of the day, I don’t know if it’s actually loneliness or just the void in my heart that I always tried to fill with drugs; or the damage from two decades of drug use.

How do we overcome this?

I'm not sure if I can give you good advice for your specific situation. But personally I find connection to others by just starting conversations with strangers and listening to them and the stories of their lives. Most of the time its just a brief interaction, but occasionally it blossoms into a friendship

 

[jasperkent]

How do we overcome this?

I really don't know if there's a solution.
But like others here have said, we can each do our part to increase human connection, if only a little.

When I pass strangers on the street, I nearly always smile and nod-- simply to say (without words) "I see you. I recognize you as a fellow human being and we're all in this together."

 

[Vanilla_Incense]

Even a smile from a stranger always improves my day . So I like to try and do the same in return . I hope even a simple gesture makes another persons day brighter

 

[washingtonbound]

does anyone else feel a deep loneliness even thought they aren’t lonely on paper?

I’m married to an angel. I have 3 best friends that are like brothers but they live thousands of miles away. Immediate Family is cut off though for a long time.

I don’t know if what I feel is loneliness but it’s the closest word I can’t put to the feeling. Like I want to connect with people or something. But real connection is very rare and hard to find in life. Where I live (the SF Bay Area) ppl are extremely anti social. Neighbors barely make eye contact. Everyone is from some other country or state.

At the end of the day, I don’t know if it’s actually loneliness or just the void in my heart that I always tried to fill with drugs; or the damage from two decades of drug use.

How do we overcome this?

I have a had a major problem with this for sometime now. The only person I speak to consistently is my mother. I had one friend I met in Colombia who became a completely different person after getting hooked on opiates and don't really keep up with him anymore. I'm not necessarily socially inept, I can converse fine but nobody really sticks around in my life. I have slight Asperger's, which was diagnosed in high school, which maybe plays a part in it. I have a very hard time connecting with people in general.

One aspect is that people talking in groups bothers me a lot of the time, I find these interactions are often hollow and sometimes abrasive. Most of the good interactions I've had have been one on one. I don't like how ignorant people can act sometimes. I know there are good people out there, but I personally haven't met anyone that's stuck around like I said.

 

[Jnowhere]

You have described a sexless marriage. That would be a nightmare. That's why God says in the Bible somewhere and more than once that a husband and his wife; neither should deny each other sex.
That coupled with the fact that you live in a left wing area. But you are wealthy and live in areas that people are miserable in and therefore are cold personally, like all leftist areas.

But you will never have true peace and happiness, because you are an atheist. There is no chance you would ever go to a real Bible believing Church,and accept Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior. I go days with no human contact and am basically happy, I only use this as far as social media.

Without God and becoming saved by repenting of your sins and accepting Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior, you will always feel that emptiness.

Laugh all you want go ahead make fun of me I don't care. But I gave up dating and relationships years ago. Having money and friends will not make up for knowing( as little as we humans can) God. No I am not a Catholic or one of those word of faith, give me your money types( I don't want to get banned again by really going off on them). I am not part of the many theological and outright so called Christian cults. Just a guy who is honestly happy until short term issues come up and then are dealt with.

But as long as you remain an Atheist and don't truley repent and accept Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior you will continue to feel this way. Wishing you were never born is an understatement, when someday you will have to stand before Christ and be judged. As it stands now. Pain and loneliness you have now is nothing compared to what will happen if you don't change.

Go ahead laugh, make fun of me but you'll still feel the same.

That emptiness and pain is your soul not being fully satisfied and it never will be unless, you truley repent of your sins and understand who Jesus Christ was and Why he died on the cross and accept him as your lord and Savior.

I am someone who isn't naturally happy, or inclined towards religion but I an not religious I am a true believer and was rather mean and... well my other bad points were paid for on the cross. Yes I continue to sin but I have changed alot, since becoming serious about my faith. But alot has changed even if I have several loaded guns near me, where I am sitting.( all legal and resistered) I bet you will laugh and say what about hypocrisy. Most people people in the watered down, non gospel preaching churches are just as spiritually empty. Besides we are all sinners, but I do ask for forgiveness for my transgressions or sins. Go ahead laugh, if you can. But nothing will change in you and Hell is hot and eternity is forever.

Yeah I am mean angry person by nature but most of that is gone. But it is amazing how many unhappy rich liberals there are, and how many happy middle class and below true Christians there are.

Please, go ahead and make fun of me, I need a good laugh.

 

[Robi]

I have sex 4 times a week ,shit ok I mean 4 times a month,oddly keeps the loneliness abated ,that bond ,play with th rug rats and the devotion of for dogs plus I love myself alone
deep seeded loneliness I carried is gone

 

[Ds]

I can relate to the loneliness. I feel that way too sometimes. What I do is I just reach out to some of my friends that I've met here on Bluelight, and people that I've met IRL at different meetings from back home. I know that it's probably easier said that done but I'll say reach out to some of the posters in this thread via PM, or even people you can relate with, send them a PM, and that friendship will grow, to numbers can be exchanged and you become good friends that text/call one another.
It's kinda something I've been doing a lot over my time here on BL, and I've developed some of the best friends ever on here.
My PMs are always open if you ever want to talk .

 

[jasperkent]

One aspect is that people talking in groups bothers me a lot of the time, I find these interactions are often hollow and sometimes abrasive. Most of the good interactions I've had have been one on one.

I get that. I feel the same way.

So did George Carlin:



(edit) Not in this interview, but part of his standup at one point went like this:
I like people one-on-one. It's groups I don't trust-- especially if they all start wearing the same hats. When uniforms are involved, watch out!

 

[aokorn]

does anyone else feel a deep loneliness even thought they aren’t lonely on paper?

I’m married to an angel. I have 3 best friends that are like brothers but they live thousands of miles away. Immediate Family is cut off though for a long time.

I don’t know if what I feel is loneliness but it’s the closest word I can’t put to the feeling. Like I want to connect with people or something. But real connection is very rare and hard to find in life. Where I live ppl are extremely anti social. Neighbors barely make eye contact. Everyone is from some other country or state.

At the end of the day, I don’t know if it’s actually loneliness or just the void in my heart that I always tried to fill with drugs; or the damage from two decades of drug use.

How do we overcome this?

From the number of your posts, I conclude that you can write well or have a need to write. So that means you need contacts. You say so yourself.

As someone already told you, personal contacts are different from writing. It is much more difficult. But so much more effective. When you are making eye contact with someone and they are speaking, there is no way to think about what you want to say. When you write, you have plenty of time. You can even be predictable. Not so when you speak. Non-verbal communication does the job. It is the high school of give and take.

Some people are very good at it. Many do it too well.

How do you do it?

 

[Jeanpauldash]

1. Hold your friends hostage
2...?

 

[Jnowhere]

does anyone else feel a deep loneliness even thought they aren’t lonely on paper?

I’m married to an angel. I have 3 best friends that are like brothers but they live thousands of miles away. Immediate Family is cut off though for a long time.

I don’t know if what I feel is loneliness but it’s the closest word I can’t put to the feeling. Like I want to connect with people or something. But real connection is very rare and hard to find in life. Where I live ppl are extremely anti social. Neighbors barely make eye contact. Everyone is from some other country or state.

At the end of the day, I don’t know if it’s actually loneliness or just the void in my heart that I always tried to fill with drugs; or the damage from two decades of drug use.

How do we overcome this?

Move, people are much nicer in the Midwest( except Illinois) The South and most of the fly over states. Also Texas.
Also, as a Christian ( I am working on being better, and being good, don't get you into heaven) I really never get that lonely, even though I deliberately have no close friends and dating is a nightmare when you are in your late 40's or older.
I also live alone.

Since you are an Atheist who wants to or has to, because of work live in an unfriendly area( S.F. Bay area). You should take up a hobby and get really into it.