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Living with parents/never can be alone/losing my mind.

blahman8000

blahman8000

Bluelighter
Joined
Dec 3, 2009
Messages
690
I can't stand it anymore. I love my parents but every sound they make or every time one of them walks into this room, I am overcome with so much frustration and anxiety that I feel like I'm about to explode. I cannot function. Since I've sobered up, I've adjusted my sleeping pattern so that I'm not staying up all night and waking up in the afternoons. But night time was the only alone time I could get. I'm never alone anymore. Every time I hear one of them call my name, I involuntarily gasp and/or jump. I want to fucking be alone. They used to criticize me for it so now I try to hide it. The sound of my father simply yawning drives me insane. My mother gets all goofy sometimes and sings and makes sounds and gets all loud and I just lose my mind but I don't say anything because I don't want to be some grumpy asshole and I don't want to be mean to my mother.

I know all of this is ridiculous and I should probably just pull the stick out of my ass, but this is a huge dilemma for me. The anxiety is so overwhelming and I don't know what to do. I'm not making enough money to move out. I don't have a car to live in. I don't have anywhere to go. The only alone time I can possibly find is sitting in my bedroom doing nothing. When I go out, I'm with friends. Even if I'm not, there are always people around. When I'm home, my parents are always around. I'm running out of energy. I'm always being bothered or asked to do something. They're always talking or yawning or breathing loudly or eating/chewing LOUDLY and every second of it is pushing me towards total insanity. But I still just don't say anything because I don't have a right to. Hell, I'm not even paying rent. And I don't want to be cruel. I don't know what to do. Drinking used to relieve this but now that I've stopped drinking, I have nothing. The anxiety is just off the charts. I don't know how else to explain it.
 
Start going to AA/NA meetings and talk about it. Don't bottle things like that up. Talk to your parents. Maybe they'll give you some space. Ever think of that? Maybe you need to move on.
 
I've tried to explain it to them in a respectful manner but they either take offense, think I'm being too grumpy, or both. Either way, I never get space. They tell me it's their right to do what they want and be where they want in the house, and I suppose they're right. I simply can't help feeling this intense anxiety and frustration. It's too overwhelming.

I know all of this sounds ridiculous. Maybe it is.
 
Have a talk with this to a psychiatrist. You'll probably be given benzos and told to go to CBT therapy. The benzos are a short-term solution, until you get back on your feet again.
 
Hey, I actually don't think it is ridiculous at all to have those feelings. What would be ridiculous is if you expected them to do something about it in their own home; that is obviously not the case. It sounds like you have been very respectful in trying to let them know your feelings. I have always needed alone time and when I don't get it I go crazy. There are many ways to get this but sometimes you have to get out of the house to do it. I go for long walks, hang out by myself at a cafe (good place to be on BL;) ) or hang out in my studio behind my house. My family generally knows that if I am out there it means Do Not Disturb. Maybe you could let your parents know that it is nothing personal, it is completely your own issue but that it is real and you are trying to devise some strategies for it. Do you at least have your own room that is a place you can count on to be alone?

Right now I am actually house-sitting for a friend for two weeks and my motivation was to get more alone time.:)

Good luck. I feel like you just need to strategize how to get this need met.<3
 
mp3 player + headphones. If your parents claim that this is rude, tell them that you're listening to educational material.

Start applying for jobs to get things in motion. Once you get a job and can set a savings plan in stone, a lot of the anxiety will go away since you'll know that there is an end.

I can definitely relate to you, though. I am sensitive to repetitive, even if benign, actions of others and it makes my anxiety and OCD go nuts. Unfortunately, it won't go away, and if you get a girlfriend or have kids, eventually you will notice things about them too. I think you'll find that as you get more sober time and learn to deal with anxiety in constructive ways, this won't be as big of an issue.
 
Good first step stop drinking. When i get krunk it makes the mayhem tollerable, but once i sober up it starts all over again. Your gut says get shity again but it doesnt get you out the house. One thing i found is walking the dog, even if you dont have a dog. Walking can still be theraputic or benificial. Go out and look for job apps or hit up the library. Any thing that gets you out the house in a social setting is positive. Being trapped inside with the "rents" isnt the best place to find a new job just take a walk and meet some new peeps
 
I moved back to my mother's house because I'm broke after 7 months overseas. I can understand how it would get to you (as it annoys me sometimes too).

Why don't you go for a long walk everyday. is there like a park or something out in nature that you could visit? otherwise, just put some headphones on and go for a walk/jog.

I also find exercise helps to relieve anxiety frustration. I like going to the gym and keeping my headphones on the whole time. no one bothers you and you can have some alone time whilst exercising.
 
I moved in with my mom after I got out of jail. Better than going back to the streets and sleeping in my car. I hate it here tho, her and her BF have these rules I have to obey. I got a job within a week of being out of jail though. It just sucks I can't go out and socialize, all I can do is work and come home. I can't drink openly here. I'm tired of having to smuggle beer upstairs late at night, or having to smoke a spliff in fear. It was a favor of my moms to let me move in and I appreciate it, now it just seems more like a punishment. Its pretty messed up. I should just pack my shit and go, but if i do im probably gonna end up back in jail. I mean im 22 and not used to having these bullshit rules. And I just started back on my vyvanse, so im gonna be jacked up and stuck here in this quiet fucking house. When all I want to do is go out and drink with some good friends.
 
Have your parents sit down with your psychologist or psychiatrist or even a family doctor, and let them explain how important alone time is for your well-being. Then they will understand and take it more serious. Other than that, at least you're getting food and have a roof over your head, half the world doesn't.
 
It seems to me that you are living in a rather toxic enviroment because of your constant, and overwhelming anxiety and frustration. I can sympathize to an extent. I would advise that you look into psychotherapy, and develop techniques to deal with your anxiety and frustration. I might also suggest you use art as a form of self-expression, any kind you like. Perhaps taking up a hobby might be in your best interest. Benzos could help if you kept yourself controlled with them, but because you were addicted to alcohol that is your call. The ideal situation for you is, from what I am hearing, to move out. You say this is not feasible, and maybe it isn't, but I'd work toward it seriously if you are so troubled by living with your parents. It seems you are not only bothered by them, though, but also everyone to an extent, and wish for some solitude. Frankly, I think this is perfectly natural, but not everyone would agree with me, and socializing is neccessary to a degree no matter what, so like I said I think developing techniques to help cope with these anxiety/frustration triggers is important. One of the most comforting solitary activities I enjoy is bathing. Taking a bath or shower with my music on is just very freeing even though I live with my family. It allows me to escape in a healthy way. You said that you used to stay up late and sleep in more so that you had more time to yourself. Well, why not get back into that habit? I wouldn't say that is a bad habit at all if it means you can reduce your tension. My favorite time is the night time, myself, as I am a night-owl, and enjoy my solitude when everyone else is asleep. I hope this helps some.
 
God, sounds like my situation.

For me the worst part is I start to feel as if I'm losing my owne identity. The best thing is to get out of the house as offten as possible, and try and do something productive. Do you have any hobbies? I've found a lot of solace in walking around and sketching people, writing, or learning to play guitar in my room (I've been learning for eight years haha). Another important thing for me to keep in mind is that the situation is only temporary, and if I keep being productive, and dont get myself in too much trouble, it is highly unlikely that I will remain living here for the rest of my life.
 
Thank you all for your responses. It's been very helpful.

Alex000 said:
It seems to me that you are living in a rather toxic enviroment because of your constant, and overwhelming anxiety and frustration. I can sympathize to an extent. I would advise that you look into psychotherapy, and develop techniques to deal with your anxiety and frustration. I might also suggest you use art as a form of self-expression, any kind you like. Perhaps taking up a hobby might be in your best interest. Benzos could help if you kept yourself controlled with them, but because you were addicted to alcohol that is your call. The ideal situation for you is, from what I am hearing, to move out. You say this is not feasible, and maybe it isn't, but I'd work toward it seriously if you are so troubled by living with your parents. It seems you are not only bothered by them, though, but also everyone to an extent, and wish for some solitude. Frankly, I think this is perfectly natural, but not everyone would agree with me, and socializing is neccessary to a degree no matter what, so like I said I think developing techniques to help cope with these anxiety/frustration triggers is important. One of the most comforting solitary activities I enjoy is bathing. Taking a bath or shower with my music on is just very freeing even though I live with my family. It allows me to escape in a healthy way. You said that you used to stay up late and sleep in more so that you had more time to yourself. Well, why not get back into that habit? I wouldn't say that is a bad habit at all if it means you can reduce your tension. My favorite time is the night time, myself, as I am a night-owl, and enjoy my solitude when everyone else is asleep. I hope this helps some.
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A bath sounds very nice, but I can't because there's no lock on the bathroom door where the bath is located, and anyway my mother uses the bathroom frequently, even throughout the night. She sleeps only two rooms away from that bathroom, so I don't really have the option. I'd have to rush out of the bath, get dressed, etc. And she'd be asking why I took so long and keep yelling at me to hurry up.

Getting into psychotherapy is tough because to be honest, I don't know if it will do very much for me because I have a tough time opening up like that and accepting another person's positive input on my problems (as shitty as that sounds). Also, anyway, the only way I could pursue therapy would be through my parents, and that would simply be one more thing they'd constantly be asking me about when I just really, really want to be left alone.

I've been trying to get back to a sleeping cycle where I'm up in the morning and I slept sufficiently throughout the night, so that it will free up my day and I'll feel more productive. I really don't like the feeling of waking up in the afternoon, even though I am very nocturnal at heart and always have been. And anyway, unfortunately, my parents (especially my father) tend to stay up quite late. My dad goes to bed past 2 AM most nights, and for much of that time he's walking in and out of the kitchen eating loudly and it just makes me cringe.

I know I sound very negative and hateful, but I'd like to believe that I'm not that kind of person. These things are just really getting under my skin. I'm not really bothered by my friends at all. In fact, many times I try to make plans with them and I generally have a decent time with them when I do. But I simply don't want my parents to know anything about me. I hate that they constantly ask me how I'm feeling now because I was in the hospital. I hate that I can't walk into the kitchen without my father telling me what he bought to eat when it's literally right in front of my eyes. I try to sneak into the kitchen so that he can't hear me because for my entire life he's always given me this menu of food I should be eating every time he even hears me open the fridge. I tell him repeatedly that it's unnecessary and that it becomes more and more frustrating, but he just says "Whatever" and continues to do it every time. These may sound like very small, trivial matters but they add up and I truly feel like I'm on the brink of insanity whenever I'm here with them.

I've been wanting to do a controlled trial run on benzos, at least until I'm used to abstaining from alcohol. I'm thinking of discussing this anxiety with my doctor, with the hopes that he might prescribe something, but since I just got out of the hospital having been treated for alcohol withdrawals and severe liver damage, it might be unlikely that he'll prescribe me anything like that.
 
They keep accusing me of drinking when I'm not. Now they're telling me that they want receipts for everything I purchase so they can keep track. Apparently my dad is missing 5 beers and he said that he "knows" that I took them, when I didn't touch them at all. I haven't had a drop of alcohol since I quit and I keep getting accusations and criticism. I completely fucking lost it. I can't fucking take this anymore.
 
It may be very hard, and I sympathize. Try to find a way to remove the anxiety, even if slightly, through non-destructive means. I am not sure exactly what is feasible for you and what is not, but sometimes just self-induced relaxation or positive mantras can help. Masturbation is an underrated anxiolytic technique IMO, and can be quite stress relieving, often for more than just the duration of the activity. That is an option, not to sound weird, but seriously it could help. If you don't you could start, if you do increase frequency and duration. "Private" therapies through various arts like writing, drawing, reading, etc. can provide escape and pleasure, too. I would also take some time to seriously introspect on why your parents bother you, and try to release that bothersome feeling they evoke from you by simpling willing yourself to do so. As for anxiolytic drugs, there is valerian root in tea or capsule form which can be purchased OTC at a lot of health food stores and has an immediate, and definite effect on anxiety IME. St. John's Wort is another natural "drug" but is more like an anti-depressant, with serotenergic effects, and a possibly delayed onset of therapeutic action after daily dosing (a few weeks). Just be careful with these. Also, DXM is available in DXM-only preparations OTC and can be used quite effectively for introspective and enlightening purposes if used very spariningly. DXM is not something to take daily or even routinely, but could have potential benefits with your social problems with your parents IMO. Again, study up if you choose to use, and be safe. Just don't mix DXM and St. John's Wort, just so you know.
 
^ that is horrible, blahman; I cannot believe that you are being accused of that when you are working so hard to stay sober and are succeeding! Do you have ANY alternatives for living with them?
:!8(
 
Thanks for the suggestions, Alex. I don't masturbate very much. Lately I just prefer to ignore feelings like that. Issues over some girl, I guess. I've been playing guitar more and writing a bit more, though. I've also been going to AA meetings and will probably look up another one tomorrow to at least get myself out of this house for a little while.

herbavore, right now I have no alternatives at all, but I'm more serious than ever of making more money and getting the hell out of here. I will live just about anywhere other than here. I've been looking at jobs all day.

The worst part is that once my dad finds the beers he apparently cannot find, he's just going to say that I put them back or something. I didn't touch his beers and I don't even want to drink. My mother keeps yelling at me and telling me to "be a man" or that I need to go and move in with one of my "loser friends" and she keeps saying, "We're not stupid!" every time I assure them that I have not had anything to drink at all. I'm losing my fucking mind. I even came down and tried to prove a point to my dad and showed him the coin they gave me recently at an AA meeting to show that I'm sober, and he basically said, "I don't know what you've been doing, I don't know who you've been lying to." I couldn't believe it. I wish I never showed it to him. He couldn't say he was proud that I'm in AA. I fucking lost it. I cussed them out. I yelled back. I can't deal with this shit anymore.
 
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