He drove up to the stoplight, windows down in the hot,
dry night. It was just past dusk and he knew she
wasn't going to call. Not now - it was too late. And
even though he knew this, he realized he would accept
any reason for her not calling. He had just wanted to
be with her. The impossibility of remembering and
forgetting her at the same time was gnawing at him.
The car slowed to a stop as Beck wept musically out of
the speakers. The song didn't just capture his mood
perfectly - it was his soul spilled out, leaking out
of the windows and fading on the hot asphalt. He
blinked and the red taillights and opposing headlights
formed pointed auras that grew larger as he put them
out of focus. He suddenly became aware of all the
sounds around him. Cars squeaking, people yelling, the
distinct sound of an urban city at night that will go
on living whether or not you are there to see it. But
now he could hear it, filtering out the sullen music
unconsciously. He gets a sudden rush - he is fully
experiencing the moment. The feeling of sadness is
washing over him, but he feels more alive than ever.
It's a pure emotion, unfettered by over-thinking or
rationalizing what he should feel. He drives away and
continues to meander through the city. He is still
sad, but it is a tired sad and the feeling of being
alive is now gone. It takes too much out of him and he
can't go through much more than one catharsis a day.
dry night. It was just past dusk and he knew she
wasn't going to call. Not now - it was too late. And
even though he knew this, he realized he would accept
any reason for her not calling. He had just wanted to
be with her. The impossibility of remembering and
forgetting her at the same time was gnawing at him.
The car slowed to a stop as Beck wept musically out of
the speakers. The song didn't just capture his mood
perfectly - it was his soul spilled out, leaking out
of the windows and fading on the hot asphalt. He
blinked and the red taillights and opposing headlights
formed pointed auras that grew larger as he put them
out of focus. He suddenly became aware of all the
sounds around him. Cars squeaking, people yelling, the
distinct sound of an urban city at night that will go
on living whether or not you are there to see it. But
now he could hear it, filtering out the sullen music
unconsciously. He gets a sudden rush - he is fully
experiencing the moment. The feeling of sadness is
washing over him, but he feels more alive than ever.
It's a pure emotion, unfettered by over-thinking or
rationalizing what he should feel. He drives away and
continues to meander through the city. He is still
sad, but it is a tired sad and the feeling of being
alive is now gone. It takes too much out of him and he
can't go through much more than one catharsis a day.
