Jabberwocky
Frumious Bandersnatch
- Joined
- Nov 3, 1999
- Messages
- 84,998
It seems like you already know exactly what the issue is here: stress
Let me explain. By stress, I really mean trauma. It might not be the kind of trauma involving your leg getting blown off by an IED, but post traumatic stress type issues (which sound a lot like what you just described) don't necessitate the most dramatic, extreme forms of trauma.
You may or may not have a history of major major, I couldn't say without getting to know you better. From what you have shared with us, it's pretty clear to me what you're struggling with is very similar (if not the same) as PTSD.
For instance, how do I explain... Um...
Okay so with me, for years and years I desperately wanted not to use drugs (namely, heroin, cocaine, etc). I was acutely aware of the harm my drug use was causing those I loved.
Knowing I was causing people I loved harm, even if they weren't always aware of what I was doing, that was always very painful for me. I didn't have the tools I needed in order to cope in healthy ways with this kind of discomfort (it's almost like what they call secondary traumatization), so I would end up going back to drugs to try and cope with the discomfort involved in hating myself.
Yet, coping via illegal drug use and hating one's self are probably not very effective/sustainable self care strategies.
So what I'm try to say is that you'd benefit from exploring other ways of reducing stress. Stress includes the stress of daily living as you experience day to day quality of life right now. It will also probably include, but ONLY when YOU decide you're ready to do so, to go back and look at the stuff that is causing you to feel so disregulated and stressed out without drugs right now.
Let me explain. By stress, I really mean trauma. It might not be the kind of trauma involving your leg getting blown off by an IED, but post traumatic stress type issues (which sound a lot like what you just described) don't necessitate the most dramatic, extreme forms of trauma.
You may or may not have a history of major major, I couldn't say without getting to know you better. From what you have shared with us, it's pretty clear to me what you're struggling with is very similar (if not the same) as PTSD.
For instance, how do I explain... Um...
Okay so with me, for years and years I desperately wanted not to use drugs (namely, heroin, cocaine, etc). I was acutely aware of the harm my drug use was causing those I loved.
Knowing I was causing people I loved harm, even if they weren't always aware of what I was doing, that was always very painful for me. I didn't have the tools I needed in order to cope in healthy ways with this kind of discomfort (it's almost like what they call secondary traumatization), so I would end up going back to drugs to try and cope with the discomfort involved in hating myself.
Yet, coping via illegal drug use and hating one's self are probably not very effective/sustainable self care strategies.
So what I'm try to say is that you'd benefit from exploring other ways of reducing stress. Stress includes the stress of daily living as you experience day to day quality of life right now. It will also probably include, but ONLY when YOU decide you're ready to do so, to go back and look at the stuff that is causing you to feel so disregulated and stressed out without drugs right now.
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