Living A double life??

[itsjustme7]

I feel like I live 2 lives. I am a regular user of opiates. I have done just about every drug that is out there, even the ones I thought I wouldn't do. And I bet if you saw me, you would be shocked, and wouldnt expect that of me. And the thing is...I love doing drugs, they are a big part of me. But hardly anyone close to me knows that about me. Not my family. Not many friends. Only a few friends know that I use....but they dont know how often. My famliy just wouldnt understand. They would be disappointed....I cant share that with them. And too many people in this world judge. And because of this, I feel like there is noone in the world that knows me, that really knows who I am. It is a strange feeling. Kind of lonely. But I have always been a mysterious, secretive person. Are you guys like this?...do you keep it hidden?

 

[waterskill]

I thhink this happens with everyone that uses drugs secretly. If their parents didn't say it's okay, then they most likely have went through this.

 

[Legerity]

I can relate to that. It's hard having to hide a big part of your life from those that are close to you, and it creates a divide. Hiding it can avoid some conflict but it also creates the risk of greater conflict if somebody finds out that they have been lied to.

But then again, drug use does not need to a part of somebody's identity. It can just be considered a behaviour. There are many things that I do on a daily basis that I wouldn't identify myself with.

I haven't found any easy answer to these types of things

 

[capitolcitydboy]

There really is no easy answer to find unfortunately. I have been doing the same thing and already its causing trouble in my personal life. I have NO desire to really tell anyone, it's something that's mine and very personal to me. At the same time I wish I didn't feel the burden of "hiding" things from everyone. I'm sure you understand, I wish I had an answer or suggestion but I don't think there ever will be one. Some of us are exactly where you are and will be until it's something we're no longer ok with. Just the way it is I guess. :/

 

[malakaix]

After years of living a double life i couldn't do it anymore and told family and friends a while back now, i'd rather be judged for me then live a life that didn't feel real.. took a lot of willpower to force myself to go through with the decision, but it was relief in the end.

These days though, how others judge me is the least of my concerns.. im going through a massive identity crisis where i don't even know who i am, nothing fits the bill. Its quite a coincidence that exactly this day last year (my birthday) i told everyone about my double life, and as these same people came to celebrate my birthday again today.. i got the same overwhelming feeling i did last year where it all just feels like one big fake lie, they don't know me, because i don't know me.. none of it feels real.

How old are you if you don't mind me asking? I would say if it's not causing a serious problem at the moment don't stress to much about living a double life, but if it begins to slowly eat away at you.. well, you know there's only one way out. As cliche' as it sounds, the truth will set you free.. but i believe everything comes down to timing, and you'll know when the time is right.

As other's have said, there is no easy way to go about this.. it will hurt when/if it comes out, but the pain is followed by immense relief.

 

[itsjustme7]

After years of living a double life i couldn't do it anymore and told family and friends a while back now, i'd rather be judged for me then live a life that didn't feel real.. took a lot of willpower to force myself to go through with the decision, but it was relief in the end.

These days though, how others judge me is the least of my concerns.. im going through a massive identity crisis where i don't even know who i am, nothing fits the bill. Its quite a coincidence that exactly this day last year (my birthday) i told everyone about my double life, and as these same people came to celebrate my birthday again today.. i got the same overwhelming feeling i did last year where it all just feels like one big fake lie, they don't know me, because i don't know me.. none of it feels real.

How old are you if you don't mind me asking? I would say if it's not causing a serious problem at the moment don't stress to much about living a double life, but if it begins to slowly eat away at you.. well, you know there's only one way out. As cliche' as it sounds, the truth will set you free.. but i believe everything comes down to timing, and you'll know when the time is right.

As other's have said, there is no easy way to go about this.. it will hurt when/if it comes out, but the pain is followed by immense relief.

What did they do when you told them about it?? My family would flip out and overreact. I am 27.

 

[Beachcat]

Well, I just told my family about my problems with opana. But at the point I told told them, I was ready to quit. I just blurted out to my husband and mom that I was going to need help this weekend because I would be in withdrawal.

They were surprised but I was honest and laid it all out there. They actually were super supportive. The one thing is that I was taking these drugs for legitimate pain needs, and it just got out of control.

If I was going to continue to abuse, I probably would not have told them, yet......

 

[Asclepius]

So glad that it worked out well for you Beachcat. :D
It was a really brave move, cant have been easy but it seems it was worth it!

Really wish you the best with things...keep us posted on how it is going for you?

 

[NeighborMike]

Pretty much the same as you.
Lots of people know i smoke

No one knows i do anything else, im always by myself. And im not the "type" of person you would group into the drug user category either i guess

to me its all about maintaining a good quality of life
if youre happy keeping your things to yourself dont shoot yourself in the foot and fall victim to being lonely too.

 

[malakaix]

What did they do when you told them about it?? My family would flip out and overreact. I am 27.

They had suspected already that i had been doing various drugs, my mum in particular confronted me about it a few years prior and i denied it all.. but i feel that suspicion never faded.

When i told them, i expected an overreaction.. instead my mum cried and hugged me, which actually freaked me out more then anything because that was something i wasn't prepared for mentally or emotionally, she explained she was more worried about me getting a criminal record against my name.. i think a part of her knew that i was smart about my drug use. My dad seemed indifferent, but our relationship was never very close.

I left and went back to my apartment slightly confused about what just happened, but at the same time relieved that it was no longer this huge secret weighing over my head every-time i was in their presence. At the time i told them i was slowing down in how frequently i was using drugs, i'm not sure if i could of told them during my peak years..

I think we naturally expect the worst, but sometimes can be quite surprised by the result..

 

[itsjustme7]

That is great that you told them and it went well. You're right..when I think about telling them, I just expect the worst...but they could be really supportive and accepting. I'll never know unless I do it

 

[Ixchellian]

Although still bad..... most families understand now that opiate addiction isn't a choice.... and it's withdrawals are a sickness, not a criminal act.

Junk is the great equalizer.... it brings most everyone down to absolute zero at some point.
Although some of us get really adept at being functioning addicts.

 

[TheLostBoys]

Why does any drug use have to be shared with family or friends. I am completely contempt with using opiates & never telling my family. I mean, they know I use prescribed Norcos for pain but other than that, no need.

I still am able to enjoy fun with family & friends while under the influence & never having any guilt.

 

[phactor]

I was somewhat like it. Nobody knew just how bad I was and I thought I was hiding it well. Turns out I wasn't. The person I was really hiding from was myself. My family noticed, some didn't realize that I was stuck in a relapse cycle with opiates (this went on for years, a week or two of using taper off, go a few months and then repeat). My friends also noticed that I was getting spacey and quiet and didn't do much anymore. I used coke with one or two of them occasionally and smoked weed but nobody knew the full story. I was a very good functioning addict, but I was getting older and was tired of living a lie. It wasn't easy to keep up the facade anymore.

OP - I wouldn't be surprised if more people suspected you than you think. Many of the stories here include people having some idea of what was going on. It was so much easier when I was able to be honest and went and got help.

That is great that you told them and it went well. You're right..when I think about telling them, I just expect the worst...but they could be really supportive and accepting. I'll never know unless I do it

Good for you. Consider getting on Suboxone if you are serious.