live

[vurtomatic]

moths, orbiting flames
in paths of circular
labyrinths; dead dreams
littered; forfeit.
rats, scrabbling within
labyrinthine passages,
forgetting lives:
once men, now less.
maggots, gnawing old
age and defeats; broken,
rats trodden, these
ephemeral wings,
fallen into flames,
paths of circular pasts.
flaming orbits,
streaking heavens.
forsaken, cast down,
on these paths we forgot,
we remember
the selves we lost,
found, we remember:
what was, what is, what can
be, stuff of dreams,
that we are,
live
i had a particularly hard time with this; might've been too ambitious

 

[WordyOne]

He he, I only had trouble with this stanza:

maggots, gnawing old
age and defeats; broken,
rats trodden, these
ephemeral wings,
Maybe too much of a bestiary all in one 'line', or one thought / metaphor, if you know what I mean.
Otherwise, there are some archangelic images in there, vurt!
Such as:

flaming orbits,
streaking heavens.
and

moths, orbiting flames
in paths of circular
labyrinths
The piece builds a startling mixed metaphor, a stream of metaphor as opposed to a stream of consciousness.
You never cease to amaze!

 

[smileyfish]

Vurt, I agree with the wordy one. I don't think you were overly ambitious - only that one stanza stumbles a little. I love the connectivity of the images and ideas in this poem.
Fast becoming a fan of yours...

 

[titania]

i think it's beautiful xxx

 

[Ballyhoo]

Wickedly intense! Nice peice

 

[frostyangel]

good work