Little funk

I have been in a little funk lately.

A funk is kinda like, where everything is shitty for like 3 or 4 days. Including my social mood. I have been kind of bitchy to my friends and family lately. Nothing out of the ordinary, but I am normally pretty happy go lucky so it is different for me.

I guess I am stressed from legal shit. I have to write a 5 page paper on the effects of drugs to the brain. I guess I will do some research. Really, it will be tough to write it without glorifying drugs.

Gah, just a lot of bullshit. I have to appear in the court in front of the judge this week. It is just a hearing, where the judge checks on your probation status to see how you have been doing. Other than the fact I can't find work and haven't payed my fees, I have done everything else perfectly. I haven't failed one drug test, I have done all the requirements as well.

Things should go smoothly. I am REALLY hoping to find a job soon. I met up with a guy at my old work. I use to work at a gas station called happy kampers. It is also a game room, so they have slot machines. You can only win store credit on them, though. Even though I was fired from there, I am still very social with everyone there and make my appearances every day. Well, I met a dude that I had seen before when I worked there. His dad owns dish network and he has a computer science degree. He's real chill though, we have joked around before. He said he has a new job coming up and needs someone he can trust. I use to work at dish network, so I am very good with the subject and have a lot of knowledge on it. He was impressed with that, and took my number and gave me his card. It looks really good, but because of previous let-downs lately, I am not going to get my hopes up.

We shall see. Everything will be alright, it always is.

 

I hear ya! I'm on probation too, for 2 more years, for a stupid thing I did last year and did 4 months in LA County Jail, and 8 more months in a couple horrible county rehabs...

I already had my last court date (until this whole thing is over) so I know how that goes...

Was seriously in a MAJOR funk (even on Prozac, which didn't help at all so I quit taking it) since my whole legal shit started and in April I got out of the rehabs and had to move home with my parents and I'm 35... I'm single, with no job, no car, no license, ruined credit, a criminal record, AND a shady personal past thanks to some "friends" who were not friends and pretty much ruined like ALL my reputation by posting some things online and well, anyone who knows my name can easily find all that on Google in about 2 seconds now.

I was waking up just DOWN for months... I was FAT (gained a LOT of weight from meds they made me take at the rehabs), lonely, broke, in pain (have a back injury from a car wreck), WAY too SOBER (uh, I kinda got past that a month ago when I reconnected with some friends... hate to say it but I feel better now... like normal, almost, finally.)

Well just sharing the story with ya... I tend to babble. Good luck with the job and stuff. I'm only getting social security disability right now but I owe so much that I will prob be filing bankruptcy soon.

My mother pulls the Asian guilt trip on me daily, saying I ruined the family name and such, and my dad is happy I'm not gogo dancing and living with one guy after another anymore. So it's like they WANT me back home, acting like I'm 15. It's NOT fun. And I feel VERY STUCK. I cannot see a fast or easy way away from my situation and back to the independence I used to have years ago...

The only ways I make it through the days are, well, the small(er) amount of drugs I am able to hide and do so I actually get OUT of BED before 2 p.m. and don't try to sleep at 7 p.m., going online and working on my music, art, photography, reading, the OCCASIONAL outing with a friend (or very RARELY now, a date), and my dog...

It's really tough to get back into things.

Good luck to you.