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little advice would be nice

Well guys

I didn't do good with that big temptation I was telling you all about. Have had bad last couple days using. I feel like shit I don't no what do I just bleh don't really feel like talking but figured I'd let you guys know what's going on.Thanks everyone for all the support I'll update in day or so if I can get my shit together. I was so ready it seemed so real. Now I'm so scared to quit at same time hate myself and the drug and want stop I just don't see a way except one.
 
You'll be fine opie��Don't be beating ya self up k? We all know what it's like. You may not stop today. But you will. Just know we're all here for ya when you do❤️ Thank you for keeping us posted. And please don't even think about hurting yourself. Unless you want crazy Jane coming to kick your butt lol jk
 
No worries Opie!!! Im going thru the same thing. I believe we want to get clean more than anything but narcotics have other ideas. Im not gonna tell you to not get down cause its a natural human emotion but dont let it linger. Try to find a place to go impatient where you can get some time away from the drugs for awhile. And if you keep getting high, just be careful. Well be here for you when you need us?
 
Please be kind and gentle with yourself FatCatOpie now that you have had this lapse. Try not to let it turn into a relapse. You can do whatever you set your mind to, so I hope you find whatever support you need to move on from this unfortunate turn of events. You've never totally failed, though you may feel like it at times, so hold your head up. Things can always get work, and they can also, by the same token, always get better :)
 
I don't understand it. I have no idea why I did it. I can't even get high I have more left but it's pointless. I've tried quit so many times I've even wrote myself notes saying this is you on pills your not happy just broke not high don't do it just going waste money n family and not even get buzz what you felt the first few times you will never feel again. I know all of this but I still fuck up. I don't have insurance but I think in patient somewhere might be what it takes but I can't I have one close relative who has no idea and if they found out they wouldn't have anything to do with me. And the anxiety would drive me crazy I tried inpatient for something else before I checked in so was able check out on my own only made it a day.

Im at the end of my rope you wouldn't believe the kind of hole I put myself in to get these and for what I knew it was a pipe dream.
When I don't have em I'm depressed I have them I'm depressed. Granted I had depression and severe social anxiety before any of my addictions. I seen shrinks dr's n all they just gave meds n wanted me get on disability meds made it worse tried least 4-5 and I was 23ish 24ish didn't want give up and be complacent on a check.

ive disappointed everyone who cares about me. Some are going be a lot more disappointed when they find few things out. I don't no what to do guys
 
Yea money would be a problem got one family member who might help but not with either of those cause they don't agree with using them.
 
Opie, my heart goes out to you. Im 40 now but my 30's was the decade of dissappointment. Family and friends over and over and over again. I no longer enjoyed the substances i was on. Yet i kept doing it. I lost my colon bc of it and 2 engagments to wonderful women who would have made great wives. So i feel your pain, ok?

Im kinda at a loss as to give you advice. Doesnt sound like mental health treatment has worked for you. Im with toothpastedog, i would look into methadone or suboxone treatment. Both are very succesful. I would prefer methadone but ive had suboxone treatments and the stuff works at a high dosage. Remember theres always the ER and when youre in there they can hook you uo with sub and methadone clinics. Try something or youre in for 2 weeks of wd hell but you know that

They say in the reading at 12 step meetings, "Remember that we deal with alcohol and drugs, cunning, baffling, and powerful." I just put that there cause thats why we use when we know we shouldnt. Depressed either way. Your main objective is to stay sane and alive. I believe in you. Dont know you but posts are powerful and it shows you seek fellowship and help. This site has saved me from getting high so many times including today. I dont know if you can message yet but youre always welcome to message me. Drugs do not have to run your life. Youre still young and strong. You dont feel it right now but you are. We all believe in you. Your feeling are normal after a slip. Please keep checking in even if youre doing bad, ok? I will pray for you right now before bed and hopefully youll get some mercy soon. Take care of yourself Opie?
 
Well guys today is my last day of fuckupery

I have no possible way to get anymore unless some miracle happens we'll don't guess would be a miracle cause it would have bad outcome. Any way I think I'm going call and make a dr appointment for tomorrow. I'm now fully aware that I can't quit on my own I've told my mom about a moth or so ago she tried to babysit me make sure I didn't use but she fell asleep and I went n got subs. I'm my mind I thought telling her would put a stop to it obviously not. She wasn't happy about subs but said they where better than what I was doing but wouldn't help with going to a sub dr. I need help so normal dr is only thing I can afford ( going be hard but should ba able scratch up 50 bucks)

So I don't no what's going happen or what to tell him he seems to care the one time I seen him and a friend goes to him says he really tries help. There are a few things I could try what you guys think.

1. I do have severe knee pain in both knees they make all kinds of noise and hurt 24/7 opiates don't seem help them but I thought about telling him and all I have to do is bend them and they make noise every time so he could see it was legit.Best I could hope for is 3 or 4 7.5 hydros a day and I could tell him about how I went from 1 pack to 2.5-3 packs of smokes a day and anxiety is bad that's in my records so if I got lucky might get some kind benzo. But theirs a big chance I wouldn't get anything like this. If I did tho I would do them as prescribed it would be tuff to do but I would not mess it up for nothing. of course not mention my addiction.

2. I could tell him about my knee and pain and addiction be completely honest. And hope he would give me some and help me taper would be ideal but I don't know/think a dr would do that not sure?

3. Just tell him about my addiction and tell him I need help

What would you guys do. Or any other idea/suggestion .I doubt I will get anything well any opiate from him but if I did I know I'll do it right cause it's very clear I can't get high so no point in abuse and losing his help

i dont know what to do guys I'm a addict at the end of my rope not making best decisions some advise and thoughts on this would be nice. And I appreciate all you guys have already done for me I just don't no what tell him and I don't want mess it up I no once you mess up your relationship with dr it's not good. I'm worried about telling about my addiction because I do have a lot of problems with my knee's and I don't want it to stop me from getting legit help with pain if I do need it in future.

Again in thanks so much everyone
 
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If you have chronic pain issues and need to take opioid medication regularly, methadone may be a better option than buprenorphine.

Buprenorphine blocks most fully agonists (moderate to low doses of methadone, at least in terms of normal maintenance doses, won't prevent hydrocodone from doing its job whatsoever), so stuff like hydrocodone isn't going to be very useful in treating chronic pain, at least not at normal doses. Plus it is much, much more structured. Methadone also is generally speaking more effective at relieving pain than buprenorphine, although both will help with the pain, especially before you develop a real tolerance to your medication.

Make sure you're honest and frank with your doctor, because that will help you get the best treatment possible. I'd highly suggest looking into some form of outpatient treatment to go along with whatever you choose if you don't go the methadone route.
 
FatCatOpie said:
Well guys today is my last day of fuckupery

I have no possible way to get anymore unless some miracle happens we'll don't guess would be a miracle cause it would have bad outcome. Any way I think I'm going call and make a dr appointment for tomorrow. I'm now fully aware that I can't quit on my own I've told my mom about a moth or so ago she tried to babysit me make sure I didn't use but she fell asleep and I went n got subs. I'm my mind I thought telling her would put a stop to it obviously not. She wasn't happy about subs but said they where better than what I was doing but wouldn't help with going to a sub dr. I need help so normal dr is only thing I can afford ( going be hard but should ba able scratch up 50 bucks)

So I don't no what's going happen or what to tell him he seems to care the one time I seen him and a friend goes to him says he really tries help. There are a few things I could try what you guys think.

1. I do have severe knee pain in both knees they make all kinds of noise and hurt 24/7 opiates don't seem help them but I thought about telling him and all I have to do is bend them and they make noise every time so he could see it was legit.Best I could hope for is 3 or 4 7.5 hydros a day and I could tell him about how I went from 1 pack to 2.5-3 packs of smokes a day and anxiety is bad that's in my records so if I got lucky might get some kind benzo. But theirs a big chance I wouldn't get anything like this. If I did tho I would do them as prescribed it would be tuff to do but I would not mess it up for nothing. of course not mention my addiction.

2. I could tell him about my knee and pain and addiction be completely honest. And hope he would give me some and help me taper would be ideal but I don't know/think a dr would do that not sure?

3. Just tell him about my addiction and tell him I need help

What would you guys do. Or any other idea/suggestion .I doubt I will get anything well any opiate from him but if I did I know I'll do it right cause it's very clear I can't get high so no point in abuse and losing his help

i dont know what to do guys I'm a addict at the end of my rope not making best decisions some advise and thoughts on this would be nice. And I appreciate all you guys have already done for me I just don't no what tell him and I don't want mess it up I no once you mess up your relationship with dr it's not good. I'm worried about telling about my addiction because I do have a lot of problems with my knee's and I don't want it to stop me from getting legit help with pain if I do need it in future.

Again in thanks so much everyone
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Option 1. Is a terrible idea. If you had self control with opiates you wouldn't be in this position.

2. Is a reasonable idea but I would expect comfort medications at best unless you have an excellent relationship with your doctor.


3. Probably gets you the same meds as 2 and a referral to a detox and or rehab.


I was on subs for 5 years and they never did anything for my cravings. In fact I continued to use heroin about half the time I was on them. Granted they work miracles for some. Methadone ended up being my savior but I wouldn't recommend it until you have tried subs and I wouldn't recommend subs until you try rehab. That's if you truly in your heart of hearts want to quit opiates. If you have any doubt about your commitment than get on subs. They kept me alive and out of jail while I had my fun. When u ran low on funds instead of being dope sick and doing something dumb I would take a sub.


But yeah that's my .2
 
Honestly Opie, i would forget the knee and just tell them youre addicted to opiates and need help. Even if you tell him about your knee they likley wont write you anything tomorrow. Theyll line up xrays and such then once they see a problem that would cause pain then they would give you script. Meanwhile youll be in wd the whole time. Second they wont write you much and it will never be enough for you. So youll take more, run out and be back in wd.

I know this is eay for me to say and im dam sure not downplaying your knee pain. Youll be in the same situation as me, a chronic pain sufferer who needs opiate relief and who also an opiate addict. It sucks bad. I slipped on cat litter the other day and did a split and my groin was hurting so fucking bad cause thats where some of my chronic pain is bc of blood clots that are there. For at least an hr i was considering snorting 3 of my 8mg Dilaudid. Yes to get high but also pain relief. It sucks being in the middle like this. My Dr and i both have agreed my pain will never be under a 6 or 5 on scale. Weve tried everything. So its never enough. I think this is your chance to kick. Tell your Dr about Methadone therapy that way you get an opiate to help your knee and actually eventually get you off of them.

I know how you feel but these feelings of guilt and why did i do it are signs youre ready to kick. The Dr can help you. Def go and be honest. I doubt hed give you anything to taper but if youre honest they might. Drs love honesty and hate lying trust me i know. Its hard but worth it. Thank you for checking in and take our advice and you might be pleasantly suprised. I wish you luck and check in if you go to Dr. Take care of yourself?
 
Thanks everyone

Well guys I've made up my mind yet again I'm so tired of being wishy washy it's so annoying. I didn't get to call today n make my appointment with the dr but I'm going to in the morning last time they got me in right away so hopefully they will get me in tomorrow.

Im so embarrassed reading my last post yea I do have bad knee problems and yes they hurt so bad a lot of the time but it's painfully obvious opiates hurt me way more than help. And their I was trying to convince myself and you guys I need them. It's so embarrassing I let this stuff control me and make stupid decisions. Anyway when I see the dr tomorrow I'm going to be 100% honest with him. I will tell him about my knee but I'm going be honest about everything and hopefully will get started in the right direction to end this mess once and for all. Any of you guys have an idea what I should tell the office lady when I call in morning they always ask why you need to see the dr and I don't/won't want to say I'm addicted to opiates.

Thank you you guys so much for putting up with me and still answering my questions. I feel like I'm being repetitive and stupidly annoying so thanks. I guess addiction is repetitive and annoying. I get wiplash from going back n forth from trying to quit and then trying to score so much. I will be so happy once I have some clean time behind me and can think about more than drugs. I'm just afraid once I get completely clean Im going to go back in my shell . In the last ten years I've had some clean time no drinking or anything few months here n their(not since I started pills tho) and all I would do is literally stay in my room or bed I would go months without leaving house or seeing anyone but my wife and that scares me I don't want be their again. But one problem at a time I suppose. So thanks again and I'll let you guys no how it went with the dr tomorrow
 
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You are doing the right thing. The first step to quitting a bad habit is recognizing you have a problem. The second step is asking for help. Both of these things you have done.

Honesty is going to be your best policy with your doctor at this point if you have a good relationship with your doctor, and he is understanding. I am very fortunate that my doctor has worked with me to help get my addiction under control. I have been seeing this doctor for over four years, and he has seen me at my best as well as seen me at my worst. He actually helped me get into a rehab. You may need inpatient rehab to build up enough clean time to start acting on your decision to get better.

I am here for you. PM if you need.
 
Thanks everyone

Well I called the dr and my appointment is at 3 today. Kind of nervous,scared and kind of hopeful. Not had any today and don't have nothing not feeling good but doing ok. I just hope I don't freak out and make a mad dash for shit before 3 I should be good tho. I'm just goin be combletely honest with dr. Guess that's a step in right way I been needing to go for long time but have been to afraid to tell truth and mess up potential future pain meds from dr's . So yea thanks guys you've all been helpful I'll let ya know how dr visit goes
 
Well guys

Just got back from town and dr office. Didn't go good at all. I just got a number to to a mental health/rehab dude was in room with me 30 sec and pretty much ran out when I tried telling him about everything. So yea I had lil cash left after dr visit and was goin go get 2 subs well couldn't find none but guy had some dro's which I hate and I know ten percs didn't get me the least hint of a buzz yesterday but for some reason in my mind it was good idea to get those anyway that's where I'm at now.

The place I got a number to don't believe in subs or methodone their treatment side is out patient but pretty much just meetings ect.
The closest place to get on subs the right way is lil more than hour away and I can't afford it anyway. Far as methodone I've never seen a clinic but googled and it would be more than hour n half drive each way. What I understand about them is you gotta go everyday just can't do that or afford to.

Had a Dr. A shrink And a guy from state try get me on disability few years ago that's why I quit seeing them. Didn't want to accept that you no what I mean? But might have look into it for insurance. Not sure if I still can or even if I qualify. But that's the only logical idea I can think of and it will take months or years to get on if it even happens. I'm trying stay level headed cause all of my other ideas are a lot more darker or just plain bad.

I feel fucked guys and I'm starting to get well kind of depressed/suicidal but also a little don't give a shit I'll do whatever it takes to make money so I don't have to worry about this shit. Stupid I no mostly depressed so don't expect to see any John Dillinger shit about me in the news lol. Talking you guys does help so thanks for it
 
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