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Line after line.....

W

wheatley

Greenlighter
Joined
Jan 17, 2012
Messages
22
Location
East Midlands in Enland
Hey bluelighters!
basically i think im addiction to ketamine.. pretty badly.
i absolutley love the drug but recently with my supply being cheap, good quality and constant i'm taking wayy more than i should..
don't even know how much i'm taking to be honest, just stick a card in a big bad, crush up a massive line and rail it.
Iv'e posted a thread in the psychedelic section about it but i think its more relevant here.
I really want to stop. but i have so many family problems/ relationship problems and its just my form of escape (im sure a lot of us are addicted to escapism)
but thruthfuly i want to hear some first hand horror stories. cause if i keep telling myself i will be alright i could find myself in a place i cant get out of, wich isnt something i want to happen to be honest aha!
i've had very mild bladder uncomfortableness, a stingy piss and unable to urinate for a hour or so when i needed to, but thats only after HARDDD binges that don't happen very often in that extent. and ive had the notorious 'K Cramps' wich are HORRIBLE!!! and i thought that would put me off but nope. just wanna take more to forget/numb the pain. im in a messed up place ive never really been in but its almost secretive. my family have little clue of whats going on. my friends are either in the same boat, or those that arnet, i dont take to them about it cause i feel ashamed.

anyone else ever been in this position?
anyone ever been admitted into hospital via k abuse?
and whats a good way to ween yourself off such a strong mental addiction... feel kind of helpless.

anyone that can help with a bit of advice it would be greatley appreciated.
im only 19 and its taking over my life, all my friends do it, and i dont know what the eff to do!!
cant really say much more than that. but yeah... hope a lot of your lot are doing better than me!
i know im an idiot and sniffing a line is almost like self harm. although i would never depict myself as somebody who would self harm.

dunno maybe im just crazy... but arnet we all a bit aha :P
anyway peace and love people ❤ + ☮
 
i dont want to loose my friends and all my friends use. and we are all our own men, so we all have to quit when we feel the need to. my time is now but its so hard
 
and i chased the drug for new out of body experienced. wich i cant even really find anymore (always searching tho)
i want to quit so i can see the world and experince what this planet has to offer. i know theres so much out there....(a lot more than sat in my room boshing k all day anyway)....
 
Okay, what do you envision yourself doing to get and stay clean? Rehab? NA (which I think could help you a great deal)? I (and others) can tell you right now that you will have to rid yourself of the people, places, and things associated with your using.
 
i dunno if there is a rehab for ketamine addiction... and what is 'NA'?
and i know deep down i need to leave my friends. but as im still young its so hard to loose contact with the people you care for.
and all these people ive had experinces with, throwing it away is so hard!
 
Ok bud. I went through a small patch of K abuse. When I was high (I can only speak for myself) I was acting like an idiot and not remembering any of it. Half the time I thought I was alright but everyone else knew that I was "acting strangely" or just overall odd. If you snort K it causes damage to your nose and sinus cavity which is not pleasant. Excessive usage of dissociatives has been linked to neurotoxicity aka brain damage. And rehab is for substance abuse, not drug specific really. There are people in treatment for smoking weed, inhalents, etc. It's not the drugs that make us addicts, it's our behaviors and way of thinking. All addicts are simply that, addicts. Sure we may have different DoCs (drug of choice) but the results are all the same, our life is controlled by using. NA (Narcotics Anonymous) is an organization or society of men and women for whom drugs have become a major problem. We meet regularly to help each other stay clean. Also, real "friends" would support you if you really want to stop and ask them to help you, otherwise they are being selfish and self centered not caring about your overall well being. I cut ties with my best friend whom I've known for 11 almost 12 years because he continues to use, I don't. It sucks at first but look at it this way, if you die early because of active addiction, what do friends really mean at that point anyways? I've "died" a handful of times and I witnessed no afterlife, nothing. Sad fact, Get your shit together, cut ties with your "using buddies" as we say in NA, and work a program to better your life. As my sponsor says "In order to get different shit, you gotta do different things. If you keep doing the same goddam things you're always gonna get the same goddam shit." It's that simple. Do not confuse "simple" with "easy". Best of luck, pull up your big boy pants, and pursue what you really want. If you want to keep getting high, go for it I'm not gonna stop you. If you wanna get clean and stay clean, ask for help and you shall receive. NA is for those who want it, not those who need it. Today I want to live more than I want to die, that's why I go to meetings, talk to my sponsor, and get involved. If that seemed harsh, it was supposed to. I'm not clean today because life is fun, easy, and caring. In fact life overall fucking blows, is painful, and full of disappointment. The periods of joy, serenity, and happiness during those rough times are what we grow to appreciate and look forward to. When you "complete" an easy task versus "completing" a hard task, which one makes you feel better? Getting high is easy, but going through life with no crutch, taking on all the bullshit AND dealing with difficulties, it's like a silent badge of honor you can always wear and if you choose brag about later. BTW I'm 21 years old, been gettin high since I was 16, got hooked to heroin when I was 17, and was a junkie for 3 years with periods of other substance usage ontop of maintaining a heroin a habit. I feel I can relate to you and thus why I came off as harsh, it's what I needed to change (5 1/2 months clean) and maybe it's what you need to change.
 
Ketamine is directly damaging to the bladder when abused.

Some people have had to have a bladder reconstruction surgery, which is not a fully functional bladder either, only to continue to struggle with ketamine use/abuse afterwards.

Because of this, I think it is imperative that you get away from using ketamine and anyone who would share it with you.
 
wheatley said:
i dunno if there is a rehab for ketamine addiction... and what is 'NA'?
and i know deep down i need to leave my friends. but as im still young its so hard to loose contact with the people you care for.
and all these people ive had experinces with, throwing it away is so hard!
Click to expand...

Yes, there is rehab for ketamine users. I'm sorry, NA is Narcotics Anonymous (www.na.org). And Serotonin101 put it better than anyone else could.
 
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Thanks seretonin101!
your words mean a lot to me... it looks like ive got a lot to think about. and a lot to leave behind by the sounds of it.
kind of gives me a sinking feeling thinking about it right now. but im still very young and hopefully, one day, everyhting will fall into place.
theres always hope and ive got to keep my head up and my nose clean really!!
the a friend told me the only way i can keep getting high with less problems is to start IM'ing...
but id have to hide that from everyone and i still live at home with my mother.. and if she ever found out i was doing that sort of thing she would hate me.
wish i never went round the 'mash-head' route. but im on the path now and i need to find a way out. and i can only help myself really...
i like in the UK by the way... is this NA in England?! should get in contact with them really!
 
NA is international. Dont pick up the needle. IM, IV, SC... Once you jack you never go back. I wish you all the luck my friend from across the pond. Youll do fine if you really want this.
 
Yes NA is in the UK, just look them up and find a meeting that is local to you, there is also CA (Cocaine Anonymous) too, they cover any type of substance abuse not just specifically cocaine.
You don't have to contact them just find a meeting that is closest for you to get to and just turn up there wether it's NA or CA.
It may feel a bit daunting, but you will find a loving fellowship of people who understand what you are going through and will take you for who you are. I think it is the best step you could take if you do want to recover, but it will only work if you want it and apply yourself to it, they and no-one else can do that for you.

As the above post states, picking up the needle is asking for more trouble, and will do nothing to aid your recovery obviously, if you still want to get "high" and are thinking of other ways to do that then recovery is not going to happen, and will only make it a lot more difficult when you do decide enough is enough.

Theres not a lot you will be leaving behind, not anything that is worth the life you will gain if you choose to recover, and unless you can see things differently things won't just fall into place in life, they will actually fall out of place unless you do something to make positive changes happen.

Hope everything works out well for you.:)
 
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NA saved my ass.. the programs helped me grow the fuck up and see life differently. Ive been going everyday for 4 months but am no where near recovered. You never cross that finish line, hah. Its an everyday struggle. But it sure as hell gets easier and life gets a hell of a lot brighter.. Hope you find what your looking for man!

A drug is a drug it doesnt matter how you used it. If you cant stop and have that obsession and compulsion to use and you cant imagine life with or without drugs. Your an addict ;) its nothing we can tell you. You gotta find out on your own and you gotta hit that bottom until you are desperate and truly want to find a new way of life. Ill tell you what, it doesnt matter how long youve known your friends for or how you think your soooo close to them. Just because you might have had an awesome time with them when using and tripping doesnt mean that your anywhere close to them. Hang out with each other sober. Thats the test. Im going through that shit right now with some of my other friends who arent addicts and they dont understand or respect my decisions so im like fuck em... Move on. Its life. People arent always there for your best interest. any addict in active addiction doesnt give a fuck about anyone else except their next fix. So keep that in mind. Might save you some heart ache..
 
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hahaha. Im doing great bro. Got 4 months clean and sober on the 11th. Been studying my ass off in school trying to get my degree and skating/paintballing and attending meetings. Good to be back to my old self ;)
Not trying to hijack this guys thread :p
Hope your doing alright yourself dex!
 
need to get out of this binge. picked up an eighth of k and 10 valium about 5 hours ago and i have no k and two valium left.
last night i cained the k hard with some mdma and a bit of charles aswell... woke up feeling like absolute shit and knew that the only thing that would sort it out was k.
i suppose that was just the comdown of the MD but i can see myself becoming somone who i really dont want to be.
the last couple months have been a blur and my minds in fucking tatters. i need to be in a place where ketamine isnt available to me.
incredibly desperate right now just to get out of the position im in, but it seems to be getting worse.
im acting incredibly wreckless and its almost like i enjoy the wreckless side of it, its self harm in a way. escapism... the drug has turned my head into thinking 'fuck it, your okay when yoyur high, and craving when your not, just go get more high' .... fucking rediclous. why cant i just grow some fucking balls!!! hatling myself at the minute
 
Dont hate yourself bud. Get a shot of h in me and im the same way. It just goes to show you are an addict. Try to find a treatment center. Its a safe, sheltered environment. Best of luck, keep us updated.
 
edit

when i grab my k the guy who i get it off is always foiling it up ( Heroin i mean).. ive always been so tempted and the other day k;ed out my face i was going to go up just to try it and get out of the fucked up mindstate i was in. just put myself in the bliss t plus i needed some pain relife from the k cramps. a few months ago i would never have even imagined myself attemoting to do that... dunno whats happening to me mate... lifes a mess
 
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Hi wheatley, As you know only 2 well K hit the party scene like a tidal wave in the later 90's, sure you could get it before but all of a sudden everyone was doing it and no one thought ti was habit forming or even dangerous. It took a while for the problems to start surfacing and the term Techno Smack began to be used as people started using on a daily basis and the health issues started to become known.

I'm not sure what the situation is in other parts of the world but in the UK its still a significant problem for lots of people, check out the forum EADD at some point.

You need to get down to your doctors ASAP and tell them where you are and get a referral to an addiction centre where they will be familiar with your problems, I hope you don't but if you do have a problem with your GP just go to another one, in the UK you don't have to give a reason just take your business elsewhere;)

Best Wishes
 
wheatley said:
when i grab my k the guy who i get it off is always foiling it up ( Heroin i mean).. ive always been so tempted and the other day k;ed out my face i was going to go up just to try it and get out of the fucked up mindstate i was in. just put myself in the bliss t plus i needed some pain relife from the k cramps. a few months ago i would never have even imagined myself attemoting to do that... dunno whats happening to me mate... lifes a mess
Click to expand...

Dude combining ketamine with an opiate or any other drug that suppresses respiration is a great way to, you know, die. Your life's a mess because you can't see clearly enough to fix it because you're doing tons of drugs. I got to a place where my life was a mess too, I ended up in a psychiatric ward. My DoC were marijuana and psychedelics. You're not thinking about things rationally right now because the ketamine is preventing you from doing so. I can't give you ketamine-specific stories because that wasn't my favorite drug (though I'd certainly be down to do it when it was around), but I can tell you that retreating into fantasy worlds to deal with real life problems will bite you in the ass one way or another.

You just need to stop using, even drugs like marijuana at least for a few months. Don't start thinking "well it's too late I'm already fucked up so I might as well keep using" - that's just a delusions drug addicts often develop. The brain and body are great at returning to homeostasis, but it can't do that when you're drowning in an NMDA antagonist. Ideally you'd quit all drugs forever, even marijuana clouds the shit out of your thinking and it's about as benign as recreational drugs can be. And it isn't that benign, it contributed to a serious psychotic state in me (granted I have mental illness in my family and etc.).

I'm just saying, as one person who loves drugs to another, you have a serious drug problem. You're being reckless with your health and your sanity, just as I was a few weeks ago. And all it will take is a matter of weeks for your brain to get back to normal. The first three weeks will feel like three years. But it's just three weeks. After a two or three months, you'll be feeling much more yourself. That might be an uncomfortable proposition, if you're like me you're scared of your self and have been running away from it with drugs since you were 14. But the happiness you can cultivate sober is honestly a much better happiness than even the happiness of opiates. And it's free.
 
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